Monday, June 4, 2012
A Night On The Town
My parents allowed me to go out this weekend and I went to perform at Italy Today in Miami Lakes with my pal Mercy and my old friend and accomplished pianist, Manolo. I sang "Autumn Leaves", an upswing version that I have performed many times with Manolo at several venues. No children or animals were injured during my performance.
My sweet pal Mercy sang a variety of boleros and salsa numbers including one of my favorite songs, "Sabor A Mi". Manolo was at his usual best performing several oldies from Willie Chirino. It was great to see my friends again.
I did visit a few more places afterwards, but I made it home before the paper boy delivered the newspaper.....
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 13-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers, and then there are educators.....
The News As I See It: There was a big movie opening over the weekend. It's "Snow White and the Huntsman." Charlize Theron is the evil queen. She's willing to commit murder just to keep a more youthful appearance. They have a name for that type of person in Los Angeles. It's called everyone.
New York City Mayor Bloomberg is cracking down on the most dangerous threat to the Big Apple - large sodas. Really? Not murders, robberies, muggings, thugs......? Nope, sodas! Bloomberg wants to outlaw and ban sodas and other sugary drinks 16 ounces or more. So if sodas were Kardashians, they're really just banning Khloe.
The Green Lantern is gay. Who knew? I was pretty sure his lantern was flaming but I had no idea that the fire had spread.
This Date In History: 1892; The Sierra Club, led by John Muir, was incorporated in San Francisco. 1896; Henry Ford took his first car out for a test drive. 1942; The Battle of Midway, a decisive Allied victory in World War II, began.
1944; The U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome, leading to the liberation of the city during World War II. 1968; Dorothy Gish, American actress who starred in many silent-film classics, died. 1989; People's Army of China opened fire on crowds of pro-democracy demonstrators in Tiananmen Square, killing thousands.
1992; The U.S. Post Office announced that in a poll people preferred the "young Elvis" stamp to the "old Elvis" stamp. 2001; King Dipendra of Nepal died, three days after shooting most of his family and himself. 2003; Martha Stewart was indicted on charges of insider trading.
Picture Of The Day: Today's picture is for my pal, Paula, who takes good care of and feeds the turtles in her pond.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question. 2) I exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. 3) To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it. 4) I do not Twitter or tweet although I once slept with a lovely English bird who chirped. 5) At the bank today, I went through the little rope maze that they put up when the bank is busy. The funny thing is that there were no customers in the bank, yet I went through the maze anyway. The teller gave me my deposit receipt but neglected to give me my cheese reward.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 4th: This will be an unusually good day for you, including, but not limited to, no junk mail and no telephone solicitations. You may receive an email from me, but I will not try to borrow any money. Play the lottery this week and remember who told you to do so, that is, unless you lose. Chance of romance is 83.12 percent and the chance that I made that number up is 99.87 percent.
Birthdays: François Quesnay, economist 1694, George III, king of Great Britain and Ireland (1760–1820); son of Frederick Louis, prince of Wales, and grandson of George II, whom he succeeded 1738, Natalie Goncharova, painter and designer 1881, Robert Merrill, singer 1919, Bruce Dern, actor 1936, Cecilia Bartoli, mezzo-soprano 1966, Angelina Jolie, actress 1975.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone, including the President.
They spotted a lone farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. The sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath, yelled, "Hank, did you see this terrible accident happen?" Hank mumbled, "Yep. Sure did."
The sheriff asked, "Do you realize that is the airplane of the President of the United States ?" Hank replied, "Yep." The sheriff said, "Were there any survivors?" Hank said, "Nope. They's all kilt straight out. I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning..." The sheriff said, "President Obama is dead?" Hank grumbled, restarting his tractor, "He kept a-saying he wasn't, but you know how bad that sumbitch lies."
The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating. The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated'." The teacher said, "Well, That was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.
A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.
The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service. As he was returning to his car, one of the workmen said to another, "Think we should tell him it's a septic tank?"
A lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes,\ and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Music Playlist Update: I have tentatively found a new music site that I am testing. It is working in beta format and I am adding songs to the playlist. There are still a few bugs to work out but it looks promising.
That's it for today, my little nanny goats. Remember, be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment. More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !