Monday, October 29, 2012
Say What ?
"The fact that we are here today to debate raising America 's debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the US Government can not pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government's reckless fiscal policies.
Increasing America 's debt weakens us domestically and internationally. Leadership means that 'the buck stops here.' Instead, Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and grandchildren. America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership. Americans deserve better."
SENATOR BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, MARCH 2006
For those of you waiting for an answer from Obama as to what actually happened in Benghazi and when he knew about it, I can assure that the answers will come after the election.
As to Obama's first answer and the answer that will come after the election, I direct your attention to the scandalous first answer when then president Clinton said, "I did not have sex with that woman.....Ms. Lewinsky" Oops!
My hopes and prayers go out to all those folks in the path of Hurricane Sandy.
The News As I See It: Weather forecasters are now referring to Hurricane Sandy as “Frankenstorm” because it will fall on Halloween. Unfortunately, they don’t have any more info on the storm because they spent the last four days coming up with that cool name.
Are you excited about Halloween? People go out pretending to be something they're not, looking for handouts. It's like running for president.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad celebrated his 55th birthday on Sunday. The United States put severe sanctions on his cake. Ahmadinejad hates his birthday, and for some reason every year when he has a birthday, it puts him in a bad mah-mood.
The movie "Cloud Atlas" recently opened. Tom Hanks is in it. In "Toy Story," he played a cowboy. In "Saving Private Ryan," he played a soldier. In "Cast Away," he played a shirtless hairy dude. If he plays a Native American, he'll have achieved something called "the Village People grand slam."
Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to star in another “Conan” movie. In this one, Conan has a son with the woman who cleans his castle.
There are rumors circulating that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are about to get engaged. You can tell they're getting serious. Last week they were seen at a jewelry store shopping for publicity. Kim is following the tradition founded by her father, O.J. Simpson attorney Robert Kardashian, of getting Blacks off.
They found 42 dead bats on Sunday. You know where they found them? In the Detroit Tigers dugout.
This Date In History: 1682; William Penn arrived in Pennsylvania. 1787; Mozart's opera Don Giovanni debuted in Prague. 1923; The Republic of Turkey was proclaimed under Mustafa Kemal Ataturk.
1929; The New York Stock Exchange crashed on Black Tuesday, precipitating the Great Depression. 1956; Israel invaded the Egyptian Sinai Peninsula during the Suez Canal crisis.
1966; The National Organization for Women was founded. 1998; John Glenn, the first American to orbit the Earth, returned to space at age 77. 2004; European leaders signed the European Union's first constitution.
Picture Of The Day: Curiosity affects kids of all ages.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Politicians are like are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. 2) My definition of the perfect storm is one that keeps the relatives from visiting. 3) They asked me who my friend was and I said, "His name is Sanjay although you may know him as Mike from Microsoft customer service." 4) Tonight's weather forecast is: Dark, continuing mostly dark tonight, leading to widely scattered areas of light in the morning. 5) The doctor wrote on the death certificate: Patient laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - October 29th: The voices in your head are brought on by the alcohol. It may be time to stop drinking this week. Armchair politicians will affect your life today but you'll be able to see through most of them. Don't take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night this week.
Birthdays: James Boswell, diarist, author 1740, Jean Giraudoux, French novelist and dramatist 1882, Fanny Brice, American comedienne 1891, R. B. Kitaj, painter 1932, Richard Dreyfuss, actor 1947, Winona Ryder, actress 1971, Gabrielle Union, actor 1972.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house and, after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know...the one that's red and has thorns." The other man said, "Do you mean a rose?" The man said, "Yes, that's the one."
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." Mike says, "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money. There's a diagnostic computer down at Walmart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Walmart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Walmart."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Walmart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Walmart!
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My Thanks to my pals Victor and Wally for their contributions to today's stories.
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
A voice said, "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?" Father O'Malley said, "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley then replied, "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."
A man went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, his wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The husband picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife said, ''What are we going to do?'' The husband said, ''Nothing, the lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.''
That's it for today, my little chili beans. Remember, some people say, "If you can't beat them, join them". I say, "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them and you will have the element of surprise. That's it for now. More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !