Monday, October 1, 2012

Ok, Everybody Out Of The Pool !

I was going through some of my parents old pictures today and I came across several of my siblings and myself in our early teenage years. A few of the pictures were taken at a public pool and included several of my friends during the times.

It was nice to see the pictures but I found myself wondering who in hell were these people that we were hanging out with. My first thoughts were that they were just friends who have changed over the years but then again, maybe it was just someone at poolside who just decided to get into the picture. I did recognize a lot of my friends but there were a few that were "iffy."

Nevertheless, I spent a hour or so looking over the old pics and reliving some fine old memories. I think it would be neat to be able to remember all of the faces but the mind has a way of keeping the important people in the front of your mind and moving the rest to the rear.

All in all, I guess it really doesn't matter. If they were important, I would remember and if not, I'm probably still friends with them on Facebook.....

The News As I See It: California was discovered in 1542 by Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo. To give you an idea how long ago that was, at the time he discovered California he was the only person in the state who spoke Spanish.

Some good news for the folks in New Orleans. Today, FEMA ruled they are eligible for disaster relief for having to watch the Saints play.

According to a photo sent back from the Mars rover, there was once a large stream of flowing water on the surface of Mars, thousands of years ago. But now it's completely dried up. Today, Al Gore blamed it on "Martian warming."

A new study in Norway says divorce rates are far higher when men help with the housework and much lower when women do all the chores. How many guys are going to jump on this study? "Honey, I'd like to help with the housework but our marriage is more important."

The presidential debates begin on Wednesday. The debates are tightly controlled. Each side, Obama and Romney, had to agree to 32 pages of rules. It's like being a Kardashian husband.

This Date In History: 1800; Spain ceded Louisiana to France in the secret Treaty of San Ildefonso. 1908; Henry Ford introduced the first mass-produced automobile on the market—the Model T car to the market. Each car cost $825.

1936; General Francisco Franco became head of the insurgent Spanish government. 1961; Roger Maris of the New York Yankees hit his 61st home run of the season, breaking Babe Ruth's record of 60 set in 1927. 1971; Walt Disney World opened in Orlando, Florida.

Picture Of The Day: "The power of imagination makes us infinite." ~ John Muir.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Back in the day, the old lady who lived next door burst into her husband's bedroom, flung open her robe and yelled, "Super Pussy!" The old man said "I'll have the soup." 2) Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday. 3) If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. 4) Regular naps prevent old age -- especially if you take them while driving. 5) When I was married, I took my wife everywhere, but she always found her way back.....and that's five !

Bonus Sixth: I was sitting in AREA 51 last week and I asked a lovely Oriental girl if she knew what an erection was. She said, "Of course, it's when we vote."

Today's Horoscope: Libra: Dogs will find themselves inexplicably attracted to your shins, this week. It may become apparent today that you are gradually becoming like your parents. Love may be just around the next corner, but if you have a GPS system like mine, you'll likely miss the turn. 

Birthdays: William Edward Boeing, aircraft manufacturer 1881, Vladimir Horowitz, pianist 1904, Walter Matthau, actor 1920, James Carter, Jr., American President 1924, William Rehnquist, Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court 1924, Tom Bosley, actor 1927 Julie Andrews, actress 1935, Randy Quaid, actor 1950, Mark McGwire, baseball player 1963.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it.

Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. The nuns pleaded, "Mother, please give us some wisdom before you die".

Mother Superior raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow".

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia-South Carolina state line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Savannah to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.

The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk good old boy from South Carolina got out and watched the performance briefly, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: In the back woods of Arkansas, Bubba's wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. The doctor said, "Whoa there Bubba! Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down, I think there's yet another one." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby.

The doctor said, "Well I'll be! Don't put down that lantern, young man. Here comes another one!" Bubba scratched his head in bewilderment and said, "Doc, do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

You Know You're In A Rural Church When: 1) The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. 2) Two men in the congregation learn that Jesus fed the multitudes with only two fish and they ask if the two fish were bass or catfish and what bait was used to catch 'em. 3) Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. 4) Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call. 5) The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

A man from the Internal Revenue Service knocks on a door and it is opened by a little boy. The man asks the boy, "Where is your mother?" The boy says, "She's in the backyard, screwing the goat." The man exclaims, "Son, it's not nice to make up stories like that!" The boy says, "Come on in and I'll show you."

So the taxman follows the little boy to the back of the house and looks out the window into the backyard. sure enough, he sees a woman screwing a goat. Disgusted, he turns to the boy and says, "That is gross! Doesn't that bother you?" The little boy answers, "Naaaaaaaaah!"

That's it for today, my little rosebuds. Remember, there's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

You had to bring up that cudling crap, doc said when Sherry took that radio active pill, NO CUDDLING.

I bet that little kitten bitine it's mama's tale, tells the dog, bet you can't do this!

Great read, enjoyed it. Even the stuff from the bar. I bet the light was attracting them dudes!!!

Chatty Crone said...

I tried to tell that to my kids and now my grandchildren - what happens when you are young and the friends we stick out with that are so all fired important - you probably won't remember when you get older - true - right?

Paula said...

Hey Jimmy we may not know how to play that chandelier in our little country church but we sure know how to swing on it after dancing all night Saturday night.

Paula said...
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