Monday, October 22, 2012

To Be Or Not To Be - What Was The Question?

Have you ever wondered how some idiots are elected to public office? If you have, try this experiment. Ask anyone the names of the contestants on "American Idol", "Dancing With The Stars", "Jersey Shore" or any other of mind numbing shows, if they know the names of the participants. Then ask the same people if they know the three branches of government, to name five of the thirteen original colonies or name the capitals of ten states.

The reason most idiots get elected to any public office is that the majority of the electorate are uninformed and quite frankly, not very intelligent. Yet these same people are the ones who know each and every name of the current contestants of the aforementioned television shows (my apologies to the people who know the answers to both the government and television show questions. You are the only ones actually qualified to make decisions about who runs our government.) 

There was a recent poll where people on the street were asked "Who won the debate between Michele Obama and Ann Romney." The answers varied as to who won. One man said, "I didn't get to see all of it, but of the portion I saw, I think Michele won." Each person interviewed went on to give his or her reason for their choice. The only minor problem was that there was no debate between Michele Obama and Ann Romney.

In a similar poll, people were asked if they thought it was fair that the candidates were not allowed to use a teleprompter during the presidential and vice presidential debates. The answers varied as to if it was fair or unfair. Once again, the minor problem with the answers was that it was a debate....not a speech.

So here's what they're selling:

The Fort Hood massacre is considered by the current administration as a workplace shooting - not terrorism. An act of terrorism label would mean the shootings happened in a combat zone, making those killed or injured eligible for a Purple Heart medal, and medical benefits similar to what soldiers injured overseas would receive. Those wounded or disabled oldiers who are now out of the Army due to medical reasons receive severance pay of about half of what it could be.

After more than two weeks of denial, the attacks in Benghazi is now considered a terrorist attack. Everyone else in the world knew it was an al-Qaeda terrorist attack except Barack and Joe. We’re seeing now why the Obama campaign drove the movie meme after Benghazi, rather than acknowledge the deadly attack for what it was.

Obama had built up a message that he has all but defeated al Qaeda. It was a catchy line — "Osama bin Laden is dead and al Qaeda is on the run." But the Benghazi attack provided strong evidence that al Qaeda is only on the run forward — on offense — in Libya, a country whose dictator Obama helped oust, without providing any sort of leadership for what came next.

"Osama bin Laden is dead and al-Qaeda is on the run" Oops! Scratch that last part from the campaign speech......

The News As I See It: It's amazing how everyone is a political genius one month every four years.

You can sense the election getting very close. Both candidates are now working very hard to shore up their support among women. In fact, they both pledged to increase domestic production of Ryan Gosling movies.

The European Farmer's Union has announced that because of cold temperatures and drought, grapes aren't growing well and as a result this will be their worst wine harvest in 50 years. Which means people are going to have to drink old wine, and who wants that, right?

This Date In History: 1797; Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first parachute jump from a balloon. 1836; Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first president of the Republic of Texas.

1954; West Germany joined the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 1962; President Kennedy announced an air and naval blockade of Cuba, following the discovery of Soviet missile bases on the island.

1973; Spanish cellist, conductor, and composer Pablo Casals died in Puerto Rico, at age 96. 1979; Muhammad Reza Shah Pahlevi, the deposed Shah of Iran, was allowed in the United States for medical treatment. This action led to the Iran hostage crisis.

Picture Of The Day: Too Cute !

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies. 2) I wish there was a rollover plan for the childhood naps I refused to take. 3) Intelligence is like underwear. It's important that you have it but there's no need to show it off. 4) I asked an attractive Asian girl if she knew what an erection was. She said, "Yeah, that's when you vote." 5) I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love, I thought "These Taser guns are well worth the money.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Libra - October 22nd: Buying a T-Shirt proclaiming your bald patch is a solar panel for a sex machine is not a good idea. The future holds much joy and happiness for someone close to you, but not you...not yet. Don't despair, your day is coming and you'll love it.

Birthdays: Franz Liszt, Hungarian composer and pianist 1811, Collis Potter Huntington, railroad builder 1821, Sarah Bernhardt, actress 1844, John Reed, journalist and radical 1887, Doris Lessing, novelist 1919, Christopher Lloyd, actor 1938, Annette Funicello, actress 1942, Catherine Deneuve, actor 1943, Jeff Goldblum, actor 1952, Amanda Coetzer, tennis player 1971.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: On his way home from work, Murray stopped at a pharmacy to purchase a thermometer. When advised by the pharmacist that they were out of oral thermometers, Murray hesitantly purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Since Murray had never used a rectal thermometer, he asked the pharmacist about the procedure.

The pharmacist said, "When you get home, lock your doors, close the blinds and take the phone off the hook so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the literature, follow the instructions and you'll be fine."

With great reservation, Murray did as instructed, then carefully inserted the thermometer wincing as it slowly went in. After the waiting period, Murray slowly removed the thermometer and read the temperature, which turned out to be normal.

As he sat in his chair, trying to calm down and relax, he noticed that on the literature, in small print, there was a statement that read: "Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested."

Murray leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes and said aloud, "I'm sure glad that I don't work as a tester in quality control at Johnson and Johnson."

An old man, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well-looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady.The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.

The nun asked, "Do you have health insurance?" He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank." The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. He said, "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining."

The doctor continued, "High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

A man goes to the doctor and says, "I'm sorry doctor, I know this is unusual but I seem to have lettuce stuck in my ass!" The doctor replies, "Good grief! I'd better take a look."

The doctor tells the man to undress and then examines him. After the examination, the man asks the doctor, "Is it bad?" The doctor replies, "It's worse than than I thought and the bad thing is that it's just the tip of the iceberg"  

That's it for today, my little rancheros. Remember, it takes 250,001 Americans to screw in a light bulb. 1 to do it..and 250,000 to debate if it was politically correct. That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Chatty Crone said...

Hey now Dance With The Stars - a little different then the rest!

jack69 said...

I liked all the photos, 'cept the guy kissing the ass. She is a jackass, right. The one who says lets pass the bills then red them to see what is in them, sorta like the grab bags.

Agree with the intro. Good read thanks for the entertainment.

The old man who ansered 'wedding cake' must live in The Villages.

Heli gunner Tom said...

So... what's wrong with 'old wine?'