|The USS West Virginia|
Please take the time today to remember the dead and wounded in this devastating attack and remember the heroes, both past and present of the United States armed forces.
|The USS Arizona|
Democrats are complaining that the law was passed by a lame-duck legislature in the "dark of night". Yeah, exactly the same way the democrats passed Obamacare. What goes around, comes around.....
The News As I See It: In Washington, Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name: "Running Deficit." Native Americans are understandably very upset. This country used to belong to them. Now it belongs to the Chinese, so the Indian tribes are furious about that. There was one really awkward moment with the American Indians. In the middle of the meeting, Joe Biden walked in wearing a Redskins jersey.
Mercedes is developing technology to let you look at Facebook on your car windshield. It's perfect for everyone who wants to get hit by an oncoming 18-wheeler.
McDonald's just announced that it's bringing back the McRib later this month or as the Mayans put it, "Hey, we tried to warn you."
Hugh Hefner is engaged. Hefner is 86 years old and his fiancée, Crystal, is 26 years old. It's one of those May-December things. He may not make it until December. Hugh is ready for the honeymoon, though. He is already hooked up to a Cialis drip. Police are already ruling it a suicide.
The CEO of the Olive Garden blames his company's low profits on Obamacare – which is odd because most people won't eat at the Olive Garden until they have health insurance.
The International Olympic Committee has stripped India of its right to participate in the games. In response, India said, "Fine, just try logging on to your computers now."
Hanukkah begins this Saturday. As you know, Hanukkah is the Jewish holiday that lasts for eight different spellings.
This Date In History: 1787; Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1917; The U.S. declared war on Austria-Hungary in World War I. 1941; The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor.
1972; America's final moon mission, Apollo 17, blasted off from Cape Canaveral. 1975; Indonesia invaded East Timor, leading to a 25-year occupation. 1988; A 6.9 magnitude earthquake hit Armenia, killing 25,000.
2001; Taliban forces fled from Kandahar, their last stronghold in Afghanistan. 2002; Iraq formally declared to the UN that it had no weapons of mass destruction. 2004; Hamid Karzai was sworn in as Afghanistan's first popularly elected president.
Picture Of The Day: Yep, it's a lovely picture during courtship except that once the lioness is out of heat and pregnant, the male disappears leaving mom to take care of the kids.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, call them up later when you’re drunk. 2) If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons. 3) You may think that the human race is advanced, but when was the last time you saw a monkey worrying about his finances? 4) With Obama's economy taking us down the tubes, some people can no longer afford doctors. Here's a tip: Just go to an airport. You'll get a free x-ray and breast exam and if you mention al-Qaeda, you'll get a free colonoscopy. 5) If having dogs has taught me anything, it's how to eat cookies very quietly.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 5th: Feel free to share your inner-most secrets with your family and friends. They will adore you for your honesty and may only exclude you from everything they say or do for the next year or two. Seek solace in the bosom of a loved one. If your loved one has a particularly ample bosom, be aware that there might be others already in there. Help the smaller ones.
Birthdays: Richard Warren Sears, merchant 1863, Willa Cather, novelist 1873, Ted Knight, actor 1923, Noam Chomsky, educator and linguist 1928, Ellen Burstyn, actress 1932, Harry Chapin, songwriter, singer 1942, Reginald Lewis, business leader 1942, Tom Waits, songwriter, singer, actor 1949, Larry Bird, basketball player 1956, Aaron Carter, singer 1987.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look" and couldn't remember ever having seen her before.
Noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. She said, "Look, I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children" and walked out of the store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is going on? An attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children?" Then he got a little panicky. He didn't remember her, but maybe during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!
He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?"
With a horrified look on her face, she answered, "No, I'm your son's second grade teacher."
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?" She said. "I love it, but I have to stop eating it." He asked, "Why?" She pointed to her lap and said, "Because I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
He said, "Let me see." she said, "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too! "
She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said, "Oh, my God, It's too late for you. You've already got the neck and the gizzards!"
|"No, I said there's a lion behind you!"|
The concerned neighbor asked, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?" Grandpa looks at him and says, "No Johnny, I will not." Little Johnny asks, "But Grandpa, why?" Grandpa replies, "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you always have to write to the same person."
One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little girl to do the first test. She blindfolded her, put a Hershey kiss in her mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" The little girl answered, "No, I don't."
The teacher said, "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your mom before he goes to work." Suddenly, from the back of the room, Little Johnny yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass."
That's it for today, my little buttercups. Remember, be aware of the fact that someone has been inviting a lot of old people to class reunions. I'm going to AREA 51 and see what's happening.
That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !