Monday, December 17, 2012

Stupid Christmas Gifts - Part Deaux

The list of dimwit Christmas TV ads continues, the latest being those who feel that giving 5-hour Energy drinks is a great Christmas gift idea. I rate this particular idea just above having a colonoscopy.

Of course, watching all the little tykes drinking 5-hour Energy drinks as they're opening their Christmas gifts while already on a candy cane sugar high, may be amusing for the first two to three hours. That is, unless mommy and daddy have a hangover from the Christmas Eve celebrations.

Then again, you may want to consider the following information:

"Minneapolis (WCCO) November 15, 2012 – The Food and Drug Association is investigating after learning that 5-hour Energy drinks were cited in 13 deaths. It’s not just the 13 deaths. In a statement, the FDA told WCCO-TV that cases surrounding 92 patients, including 33 hospitalizations are under investigation due to a possible link to 5-hour Energy."

My TuneList Update: My quest continues to add more music to my current music playlist. As you know, every time I am satisfied with a music list, the site goes down or is closed and I am forced to begin again. This particular site is working well but adding music is somewhat complicated.

You may note that the controls are at the bottom of the page where you can mute the song(s) if you desire. The square button on the bottom right exposes the "TuneList". This allows you to change songs, if desired.

This toddler discovered that the device for feeding fawns worked just as well for him.....

The News As I See It: The Golden Globe nominations were announced last week and "Lincoln" got seven nominations. Finally, a Republican who might win something.

Last Wednesday night, Barbara Walters asked Governor Chris Christie if he was too fat to be president. A lot of people are criticizing Barbara for asking that question. But in fairness, Barbara asked that exact same question when she interviewed William Howard Taft.

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said a failure to reach a deal for the fiscal cliff will hurt the recovery. The good news is most Americans will not be affected by this because they had no idea there was a recovery.

Christmas is just around the corner, It's just under two weeks away, and today Santa released 10 years of tax returns.

The Mayan calendar says that on the 21st, we're done. We've only got about a week left, and I haven't even started packing. On the bright side, the end of the world kind of takes the edge off the fiscal cliff, doesn't it?(The Mayans predicted that last joke wouldn't work.)

The DEA says drug smugglers in Mexico are using canons to shoot marijuana over into the U.S. They have three distances — far, really far and Willie Nelson's house.

Airlines in Europe are testing a new robot that can make drinks for passengers instead of having flight attendants do it. This way, flight attendants can stay focused on their most important job — ramming the beverage cart into your elbow.

This Date In History: 1777; France recognized American independence. 1903; Orville and Wilbur Wright made the first flight in a heavier-than-air plane at Kitty Hawk, N.C. 1944; The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of holding Japanese-Americans in internment camps, allowing "evacuees" to return home.

1969; The U.S. Air Force ended its "Project Blue Book" and concluded that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial activity behind UFO sightings. 1992; North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) signed by the United States, Canada, and Mexico.

Picture Of The Day: This deer and Great Dane are good friends. Old Timer's disease does not allow me to remember the exact details, but I believe they grew up together. Anyway, there's a short video of the two playing together at the bottom of today's entry. Remember to mute my music TuneList (Botton left). 

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I've turned myself around. 2) Excessive consumption of spirits, beer or wine may make people think they are whispering when they are not. It is also responsible for making people think they can dance and sing karaoke. 3) Shoepidity is defined as wearing ridiculously uncomfortable shoes just because they look good. 4) My grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I don’t mind him reading lips, but he uses one of those yellow highlighters. 5) When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for 5 minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 17th: Ketchup and Katsup are essentially the same thing. But a brown-sauce is not always a brown-sauce. You have your Southern folk and you have your Northern folk. Crap! This is going nowhere. It's Monday! Look left and right before crossing the street.

Birthdays: Sir Humphry Davy, chemist, physicist 1778, W.L. Mackenzie King, political leader 1874, Arthur Fiedler, conductor 1894, Sylvia Ashton-Warner, novelist and educator 1905, William L. Safire, journalist 1929, Milla Jovovich, model, actress, and singer 1975.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollars out, "Pa you need to fix the outhouse!" Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "Yes there is! Now git out there and fix it."

So, Pa mosies out to the outhouse, look's around and yell's back, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!" Ma replies "Stick your head in the hole!" Pa yell's back "I ain't sticking my head in that hole!" Ma says "Ya have to stick your head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole and looks around and yells back, "Ma there ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!" Ma hollars back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!" To which ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?"

Two midwest farmers were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy. Soon after the test began the first guy turns to the second guy and asks, "Old MacDonald had a what?"

The other replies, "He had a farm." The first asks, "How do you spell it?" To which the second replied, "E-I-E-I-O."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things going?" The second bee said, "Really bad. The weather has been cold, wet and damp and there aren't any flowers, so I can't make honey."

The first bee said, "No problem. Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit." The second bee said, "Thanks for the tip!", and flew away.

A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked, "How did it go?" The second bee said, "Great! It was everything you said it would be. There was plenty of fruit and huge floral arrangements on every table."

The first bee said, "Uh, what's that thing on your head?" The second bee replied, "That's my yarmulke. I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternoon. Unfortunately, the builder wasn't very good at the game and every time he missed a shot would shout, "Shit, missed!" The game went on and after several outbursts from the builder, the priest could hold his tongue no longer. He told his friend, "Don't swear like that or God will punish you".

The builder apologized and the game continued. As soon as he missed another shot, the builder shouted, "Shit, missed!" and continued to do this every time he missed a shot for the next three holes. The priest was starting to get really angry by now and said, "I must insist that you stop swearing this instant, otherwise God will hear you and punish you!"

Once again, his pleas made no difference as the builder missed an easy putt on the seventeenth green and shouted out "Shit, missed!" Immediately the heavens parted and a bolt of lightning flew from the sky, hitting the priest and killing him stone dead. Suddenly, a booming voice was heard in the clouds, "Shit, missed!"

That's it for today, my little billy goats. Remember, you have to bear in mind one thing about the will of the people. It wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.

That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Jimmy's Journal said...

Some seem to have problems commenting. This comment has been made via my Google account

Julie said...

First time Rick did a half of a 5 hour energy he went into A fib.

I love the story about the dog and the deer, feel good stories, really need them this day.

Personally I am not doing any of my shipping until the 22nd, it may save me a ton of money.

Take care and Merry Christmas

Julie said...

The only problem commenting this morning is my little nook and my bigger fingers. The screen is so small.