Friday, December 14, 2012


It is pitiful to see and understand that there are many miscreants in this world, yet we always seem to be amazed when one of these disturbed individuals goes on a killing spree. To some degree, they are no different than a cancer cell in an otherwise healthy body.

We live in a world of the occasional two-headed snake or turtle and the important thing is to be able to recognize these abnormal sorts and deal with them before they go off the deep end and take out innocent people.

My prayers go out to the families and victims of the massacre in Connecticut.

The News As I See It: Barbara Walters chose General David Petraeus as the most fascinating person of 2012. What a coincidence. So did Paula Broadwell.

Since January of 2000, NFL players have been arrested 624 times on different charges. The number one defense scheme now in the NFL is the plea bargain.

New Jersey Democrats say, Republican Governor Chris Christie will be impossible to beat. It's unclear if they're talking about the 2013 governor's race or Coney Island hot dog-eating contest.

The Spice Girls musical debuted this week in London. So it turns out the Mayans were off by just a few weeks.

According to the Census Bureau, white people will not be the majority in the United States by the year 2043. So this is even more bad news for the National Hockey League.

According to the Mayan calendar, December 21 marks the end of the world. It's a Friday so it means dress is casual.

This Date In History: 1799; George Washington died at age 67. 1819; Alabama became the 22nd state in the United States. 1911; Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man to reach the South Pole, beating an expedition led by Robert F. Scott.

1939; The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations. 1967; DNA synthesized for the first time. 1981; Israel formally annexed the Golan Heights.

1985; Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to lead a major American Indian tribe as she took office as principal chief of the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma. 1989; Nobel Peace laureate Andrei D. Sakharov died in Moscow at age 68.

Picture Of The Day: Innocence is bliss.....

Count Your Blessings

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 am. 2) When police on bicycles arrest people, do they say, "Alright, get in the basket."? 3) Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. 4) I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals. 5) I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 14th: Temptation is everywhere, especially if you're willing to look for it. Most of your body is going to become an erogenous zone later this week. Be careful who you brush against. Shallow puddles may deceive you today. This could be because of your depth perception or the fact that you have a puppy.

Birthdays: Nostradamus, French astrologer and physician 1503, Tycho Brahe, astronomer 1546, John Mercer Langston, public official, diplomat, educator 1829, James Doolittle, aviator, military leader 1896, Shirley Jackson, writer 1919, Patty Duke, actress 1946, Michael Owen, soccer player 1979, Vanessa Anne Hudgens, actress 1988.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Jack (any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental) was on the golf course when he accidentally overturned his golf cart. Elizabeth, an attractive and keen golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay?" Jack replied, "My name's Jack and I'm okay, thanks."

Elizabeth said, "Jack, forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later." Jack said, "That's mighty nice of you, but I don't think my wife would like it." Elizabeth insisted, "Oh, come on." She was very pretty and persuasive. Jack finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a restorative brandy and some driving and putting lessons, Jack thanked his host, "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset." Elizabeth smiled and said, "Don't be silly! She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" Jack replied, "Under the cart!"

Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, "You have no idea what I had to go through to get to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend."

The second guy said "That nothing. I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool."

The third guy said "Man, you guys have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her."

They continued to play several more holes when they realized that the fourth guy had not said a word about how he managed to get out of the house.

The first guy said, "You haven't said a word about what you had to do to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

The fourth guy smiled and said, "Well, I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. When it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave my wife a nudge and said 'Golf course or intercourse?' and she said, 'Wear your sweater.'"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

Three old men are discussing their sex lives. The Italian man says, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for 5 minutes at the end."

The Frenchman boasts, "Last week when my wife and I had sex I rubbed her body allover with butter. We made passionate love and she screamed for 15 minutes."

The old Jewish man says, "Well last week my wife and I sex too. I rubbed her body all over with kosher chicken schmaltz, we made love and she screamed for 6 hours."

The Italian and Frenchman were stunned. They replied, "What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for 6 hours?" The Jewish man said, "I wiped my hands on the drapes."

Two old men were sitting on a park bench passing the day away talking. One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?" The second old man replied, "I think she's dead!"

The first old man said, "What do you mean you think she is dead?" The second old man "Well, the sex is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up."

An elderly couple was attending church services when about halfway through she leans over and says to him, "I just passed a silent fart. I'm so embarrassed. What should I do?" He leans over to her and replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

That's it for today, my little flatulators. Remember, tact is the art of making guests feel at home when that's where you wish they were. I'm off to AREA 51 for drinks and recreation.

That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


Rose said...

I had to turn the TV off. I couldn't watch anymore, I was crying too much.

So sad.

We have so many sickos in this world.

jack69 said...

Jimmy, my man. I will miss you when we return. I don't think the world ends for those who are at sea. So when we pull into port I will probably have to jump off to pull lines and tie her up.
Any way Duck on the 21st so the little Mayans will miss you!

Will think of you when I see the entertainers perform aboard ship.

See you in a week!.

Julie said...

I hear you Jimmy, the shooting makes me sick to my stomach, makes me like my dog and cat more then some people. I just can't understand how anyone could do that. So sad.

Love the hearing aide joke. I need jokes these days.