Friday, February 22, 2013

A Weekend Of Nascar Racing

It should be a great weekend with Nascar Racing at Daytona culminating with the Daytona 500 on Sunday. Later that evening, we can watch the 85th annual Academy Awards show.

Daytona begins tonight with the Camping World Truck series race. On Saturday afternoon, the Nationwide series season opener and on Sunday afternoon, the Daytona 500.

At the Academy Awards presentations, the nominees for best picture are: "Amour", "Argo", "Beasts of the Southern Wild", "Django Unchained", "Les Miserables", "Life of Pi", "Lincoln" and "Zero Dark Thirty".

The nominees for Actor in a Leading Role are: Barack Obama "Pinocchio", Bradley Cooper "Silver Linings Playbook",  Daniel Day-Lewis "Lincoln", Hugh Jackman, "Les Misérables", Joaquin Phoenix "The MasterView", and Denzel Washington "Flight".

The nominees for Actress in a Leading Role are: Jessica Chastain "Zero Dark Thirty", Jennifer Lawrence "Silver Linings Playbook" Emmanuelle Riva "Amour", Quvenzhané Wallis "Beasts of the Southern Wild" and  Naomi Watts "The Impossible".

The News As I See It: Scientists at the University of Maryland say they have found a chemical that causes women to talk more than men. It’s called “Chardonnay.” According to the study, women talk almost three times as much as men. That's usually because they know men aren't listening the first two times.

Officials in Oklahoma say it is possible that a 65-year-old man recently died of spontaneous combustion. This is not an isolated case. I think the last guy we saw go down in flames was Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. - Jesse plead guilty to misusing hundreds of thousands of dollars of campaign funds for personal use, including buying a $43,000 Rolex watch. How ironic is that? All that money on a watch, and now he's going to wind up doing time.

In the latest Oscar buzz, many Pakistanis are saying that "Zero Dark Thirty" contains factual errors. Then someone explained to the Pakistanis that being directed by a woman does not qualify as a factual error.

Obama will speak at Ohio State’s graduation in May. The president has a lot in common with those students. He’s currently in his fifth year and swamped with debt.

Former Senator Pete Domenici of New Mexico revealed that while in office he fathered a child with the daughter of another senator, who was a friend of his. He cheated on his wife with the daughter of another senator and they had a baby. When did the Senate become "The Jerry Springer Show"? Domenici is defending himself by saying that he is no better or worse than the next guy. He’s right, because you know who the next guy was? John Edwards.

Former San Diego mayor Maureen O'Connor, told federal prosecutors she went broke after gambling away more than a billion dollars she inherited from her late husband at casinos playing video poker. But to be fair, at one point, she was up 300 bucks.

Colorado recently voted to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. Currently, only Colorado residents can purchase marijuana in the state. But they may open it up to nonresidents too. The new state slogan is "Come for the legal marijuana, stay because you forgot to leave."

This Date In History: 1371; Robert II succeeded to the throne of Scotland, beginning the Stuart dynasty. 1819; Spain ceded Florida to the United States. 1879; Frank Winfield Woolworth opened his first "Five Cent Store" in Utica, New York.

1924; Calvin Coolidge made the first presidential radio broadcast from the White House. 1935; Airplanes were no longer permitted to fly over the White House. 1980; In a major upset, the U.S. Olympic hockey team defeated the Soviets 4–3 at Lake Placid, New York.

Picture Of The Day: Searching for a mouse.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year's resolutions. 2) I'm sorry I got angry and said a lot of things I meant but shouldn't have said.  3) I don't think anyone should be allowed to write their autobiography until after they're dead. 4) Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the f*ck happened. 5) Serendipity is looking in a haystack for a needle and discovering the farmer's daughter.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - February 22nd: Don't forget to lock your doors today and remember to give the children and pets a pat on the head. Your footsteps will seem louder today as you break in new shoes. However, this will not be a metaphorical sign of anything greater.

Birthdays: George Washington, First American President 1732, Arthur Schopenhauer, philosopher 1788, James Russell Lowell, poet, critic, and editor 1819, Edna St. Vincent Millay, poet 1892, Edward Kennedy, U.S. Senator 1932, Jonathan Demme, director, producer, screenwriter 1944, Julius Erving, basketball player 1950, Drew Barrymore, actress 1975.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse And tries to write with it.

When she realizes her mistake, She looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says, "Well, that's great....that's just great.... Some asshole's got my pen!"

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world." Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world." Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified. Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy, "It's official, I am the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says, "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell ?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina state line. The Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding. The driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Savannah to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.

The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk good old boy, from South Carolina got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test."

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry all of his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1313 Mockingbird Lane ?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I’m not able to carry all of this."

The old lady suggested, "Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" The farmer said, "Why, thank you very much" and proceeded to walk the old lady home.

On the way he says, "Let’s take a short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens…."

Author's Note: For some reason, my TuneList is not currently working on the lowly AOL. It continues to work on Internet Explorer, Google, Google Chrome and Safari. This problem is being addressed and hopefully will be rectified in the coming days. 

That's it for today, my little flaming little comets. Remember, always be an optimist - at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for cocktails.

That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

"Obama will speak at Ohio State’s graduation in May. The president has a lot in common with those students. He’s currently in his fifth year and swamped with debt"

Your insight is incredable.

Now, if you will direct me to 1313 mockingbird lane!

NIght enjoy your time at Area 51, because one day you will forget how to get there..... (smile)