Friday, February 15, 2013

Warning For Older Men

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A "heads up" for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot or Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say no but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's. You agree and they climb into the vehicle.

On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen January 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Tell your friends to be careful and vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought them out in three of their stores. Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's to Home Depot and Walmart.

Please send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

Knysna Turaco
The News As I See It: I feel bad for those poor passengers that were stuck on that floating bedpan in the Gulf of Mexico for five days. 4,000 people stuck on a ship with foul odors, the toilets weren't working and there was long lines for food. The worst part was that the karaoke machine kept working.

As you know, the Pope is resigning. He said he feels there's just no room for advancement. It's a dead-end job.The Vatican said that as soon as the Pope resigns, he will no longer be infallible. The Vatican said it's the same thing that happened to Oprah.

Obama wants Congress to increase the minimum wage. Believe me, when it comes to doing the minimum for their wage, Congress knows what it’s talking about.

On Valentine's Day, White Castle restaurants offered a discount to couples who dine there. Yeah, because there's no better way to tell a woman you love her than to pay even less at a White Castle.

The Republican response to President Obama's State of the Union address was given by Senator Marco Rubio. It's just one more example of rich white guys getting a Hispanic to do a job they don't want to do.

Experts are predicting that the success of Amazon is going to lead to the closure of many RadioShacks. When reached for comment, the CEO of Amazon said, "There are still RadioShacks?"

Arabian Sand Cat
This Date In History: 1764; St. Louis, Mo., was founded as a French fur-trading post. 1879; President Rutherford Hayes signed a bill allowing female attorneys to argue cases before the Supreme Court. 1898; USS Maine blew up in Havana harbor, touching off the Spanish-American War.

1913; The New York Armory Show opened, introducing America to Picasso, Duchamp, and Matisse. 1933; Chicago Mayor Anton J. Cermak was killed in an assassination attempt on president-elect Franklin D. Roosevelt in Miami.

1965; The Maple Leaf Flag officially became the new national flag of Canada. 1989 More than 100,000 Soviet troops withdrew from Afghanistan almost 10 years after the USSR invaded the country.

2002; Olympics officials resolved the judging scandal by awarding Canadian pairs figure skaters Jamie Sale and David Pelletier a gold medal while allowing the Russians, Elena Berezhnaya and Anton Sikharulidze, to keep their medal.

2003; Millions of protesters around the world demonstrated against the threat of a U.S. war on Iraq. 2012; A prison fire in Comayagua, Honduras killed 360.

Picture Of The Day: This is just one of those secluded little spots that I could spend days exploring......

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Even on Valentine's Day, my secret admirers took the secret part seriously. 2) They say that the first Black Hole was discovered in 1916, but marriage has been around a lot longer than that. 3) Sometimes I wrap myself in bows and call myself gifted. 4) The best way to lie is to tell the truth....carefully edited truth. 5) Deja Vu is not when you think you're doing something you've done before. It's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 15th: Love is a wonderful thing that can truly change your life for the better. The chances of this happening to you anytime before lunch tomorrow are remote so you might as well go home and eat ice-cream until your brain freezes. Things will be better tomorrow.

Birthdays: My ex-wife Susie. Happy Birthday Baby ! 19XX, Pedro Menendez de Aviles, colonizer 1519, Galileo Galilei, Italian Astronomer 1564, John Sutter, pioneer 1803, Cyrus McCormick, inventor 1809, Charles Lewis Tiffany, merchant 1812, Susan B. Anthony, reformer 1820, Elihu Root, cabinet member and diplomat 1845, Alfred North Whitehead, mathematician and philosopher 1861, Ernest Henry Shackleton, antarctic explorer 1874, John Barrymore, actor 1882, Jane Seymour, actress 1951.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A loving grandfather always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time.....just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, he had a cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she'd take their granddaughter for the drive.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. Her grandfather asked, "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" The little girl replied, "Oh yes, Grandpa, it was really wonderful. We didn't see a single asshole, blind bastard, dipshit or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.

After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. The old woman asked, "What's in the bag?" Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church.

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It was a 420 yard hole-in-one!  St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

Two med students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend, "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought....but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought....but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was a fart.....but I was wrong, as well."

That's it for today, my little orange blossums. Remember, alcohol doesn't solve any problems...but then again, neither does milk. I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour.

That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Now Imma thinking it is too dangerous for Sherry to accompany me to Lowes! Thanks for the warning.

Enjoyed the read, have a great weekend. And maybe you had better not take the Bus this weekend.