Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Danica Patrick Has Decisions To Make For Tomorrow's Race
The pressure associated with winning the pole for the Daytona 500 is difficult for any Nascar driver. That pressure is doubled when you're Danica Patrick, the first woman to ever win the Daytona 500 pole. Although Danica has modest Nascar experience, she's no stranger to speed, having completed in the Indycar series with one win coming in Japan and also Nascar's Nationwide series.
Tomorrow's twin 150 qualifying races present a conundrum for all the drivers. These are a new generation of race cars and are untested in competitive pack racing. The drivers themselves have little or no experience with these cars in the draft especially with the series of crashes that happened in testing this week.
The question is do the drivers who have guaranteed starting spots in the 500 hold back and save their cars for the big race? Or, do they use the rest to learn more about the draft and how to improve their cars for Sunday's race?
Does Danica go all out to show her abilities and the great car she is driving or does she assure herself the historical start from the pole on Sunday?
Tomorrow's race wail put a great deal of pressure on all of the drivers including two drivers who have to finish in the top 15 to even be eligible for the 500. Adding to the pressure is the ever present chance of a major crash ("the big one') and possibly ruining your chances to even race on Sunday.
No matter what happens tomorrow, Danica Patrick deserves a pat on the back for her accomplishment this week and I wish her luck in tomorrow's race.
The News As I See It: Dozens of lawsuits have been filed against Carnival Cruise Lines. If you thought the ship was filthy, slimy, and disgusting, wait until these lawyers get involved.
President's day is an American tradition. You can tell how important a president was based by his monument. Lincoln was important because his monument shows him sitting in a chair looking serious. George Washington got an even better one — a monument shaped like a giant middle finger pointed at England. People sometimes forget that George Washington was very rich, had a pony tail, and grew hemp on his farm. He was America's original Willie Nelson.
Obama played golf in Florida with Tiger Woods. You remember how mad Michelle got when Barack ate a cheeseburger. When he headed to Florida, she told him, "Hey Barry, no hanging out with Tiger and his white ho's afterwards. You come right home."
Tiger Woods gave the Obama some very valuable tips. The most valuable one? Erase all of your text messages! Tiger said that Obama's handicap is that he doesn't understand economics.
It was a great day for a bunch of thieves in Belgium. They got away with more than $50 million worth of pure, uncut diamonds. This diamond heist is the biggest robbery ever pulled off at an airport if you don't count the airlines charging $25 to check a bag.
Reader's Digest filed for bankruptcy, just one week after the Pope resigned. Man, my grandmother hasn't been this depressed since Michael Bublé got married.
Yoko Ono turned 80 years old. People suggest that Yoko broke up the Beatles. Now that she's 80, the only thing she's breaking up is bingo games.
The New York Yankees are in spring training and you kind of feel it.....the crack of the bat, the roar of the crowd, the smell of the deer antler spray.
This Date In History: 1792; President George Washington signed the Post Office Act, establishing a permanent Post Office Department. 1809; The Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal government is greater than that of any individual state.
1895; Frederick Douglass, abolitionist, author, and orator, died. 1962; John Glenn became the first American to orbit Earth. 1998; Tara Lipinski won the Olympic figure skating gold medal. 2003; A fire in a nightclub in Warwick, Rhode Island, killed 100 and injured over 150.
Picture Of The Day: Keep your hands away from my nuts!
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My ex-girlfriend told me that she would go the extra mile for me...in the opposite direction. 2) Tequila will never be my downfall as the worm does not justify the hangover. 3) I'm already having nightmares about the rejects from this season's American Idol show. 4) Your "other car" is just as crummy as my "other car." 5) At the bank, I went through the little rope maze that they put up when the bank is busy. The funny thing is that there were no customers in the bank, yet I went through the maze anyway. The teller gave me my deposit receipt but neglected to give me my cheese reward.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Pisces - February 20th: Everything positive that could possibly happen to you is waiting around the corner. This week will reverse any setbacks you've had recently. Romance is in the air today, just over the north of France. If you don't happen to be near the north of France then chances are you're going to strike out again this week. Wind directions can vary as much as the accuracy of these horoscopes, so don't panic yet!
Birthdays: I have quite a few of my pals celebrating birthdays today and I like to wish Donna, Everett, Gary, Jo-ann and Tom very happy birthdays 19XX, Honore Daumier, caricaturist, painter 1808, Louis Kahn, architect 1901, Ansel Adams, American photographer 1902, Robert Altman, director 1925, Sidney Poitier, actor 1927, Bobby Unser, auto racer and Indianapolis 500 winner 1934, Buffy Sainte-Marie singer, songwriter 1941, Phil Esposito, hockey player 1942.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: One night, a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance - leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and a pierced nose.
Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. The mother said diplomatically, "Dear, he doesn't seem very nice." The daughter replied, "Oh please, Mom, if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
There was a woman who was very beautiful, except she had a hare lip. The woman was so embarrassed by her hare lip that she went into the woods to live all alone in a cabin, where no one would ever see her hare lip.
At the same time, there lived in the city a man with a wooden eye. He only had one real eye, but he was too poor to buy a glass eye, so he had a fake wooden eye made. He figured no normal woman would go out with him, but he heard about the woman with the hare lip and he thought maybe she would go out with him.
So he wandered through the woods until he found her cabin and he knocked on the door. He was still worried about his wooden eye, but he figured she wouldn't say anything because she'd be so sensitive about her hare lip. So he knocked on the door, introduced himself and said, "Would you like to go out with me?"
She was thrilled, because no one had ever asked her out before. He said again, "Would you like to go out with me?" and she said, "Would I? Would I?" And he said, "Hare Lip! Hare Lip!" And neither of them were heard from again.
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thank to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." The second kid replies, "Whoa! Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
The teacher asks the kids in class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny said. "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, find me the best bitch, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson saying, "And you, Tanya?” Tanya replied, "I wanna be Johnny's bitch!"
That's it for today, my little doodle bugs. Remember, you're spending too much time on Facebook when you're hoping that your friends are interested in what you ate in the last half hour. I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour.
That's it for now. More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !