Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Come Sit And Rest A Spell

Sometimes you have to take a step back, grab a beer, take a good look at the world and say "Screw it!". Responsibility dictates this attitude can only be adhered to in short spurts, but an occasional soul cleansing is good for one's health.

My way of escaping life's rush hour is to go fishing or head out to the woods and observe the earth's flora and fauna. It's always free of honking horns and the ever present dissertations, opinions and general ignorance of the public.

I've never caught a large mouth bass that I could prove was a democrat although the name itself is rather suggestive. In nature, neither the hawks nor doves that I have observed have shown any political affiliations.

Silence in nature is deafening and one has to re-tune one's ears to appreciate the chatter. Nature has it's own language and, once mastered, offers insights and a peaceful feeling that shutters out life's realities.

In Miami, we're fortunate to have both the Atlantic Ocean and, at the same time, the Florida Everglades. Both worlds are equally enjoyable to me and, more importantly, a time-to-time avenue of escape. Sometimes life's a beach.......

Obama gives Ebola patient Nina Pham a distant hug

A memo obtained by Fox News indicates the Obama administration has been considering allowing non-American Ebola patients into the U.S. for treatment – though a State Department official on Tuesday denied any such plans.

The document was obtained by Fox News from a Capitol Hill source, who said it is a memo prepared by the State Department. The top of the document is marked "sensitive but unclassified – predesicional (sic)."

The Obama administration is already denying and walking back this absurd notion and well they should. You start importing dangerous diseases and the masses will literally bring you down. Be careful what you do, Typhoid Barry !

The News As I See It: Halloween is just a few days away and the Obamas have invited children to go trick-or-treating at the White House on Friday. It will be fun until the Secret Service tackles a kid and says, "We finally got one. He’s dressed like a ninja turtle and tried to get in here."

New York City Mayor de Blasio said New Yorkers will not get Ebola from riding the subway. He said, “Let's focus on actual things you might catch on the subway. There's the SARS virus, bird flu, rat flu, West Nile, East Nile — plenty to choose from. Ebola's way down the list.” He sure makes New York City an attractive vacation destination.

The city of Detroit says it has come up with a plan that could finally get it out of bankruptcy. The plan involves Detroit getting on a bus and moving back with its parents in Ohio.

Obama said that over 40 countries have offered to help the U.S. fight ISIS. Of course they said it the same way your friends do when they promise to help you move, "Yeah just call me, I'll be around. It'll be fun."

This Date In History: 1682; William Penn arrived in Pennsylvania. 1787 Mozart's opera Don Giovanni debuted in Prague. 1923; The Republic of Turkey was proclaimed under Mustafa Kemal Ataturk. 1929; The New York Stock Exchange crashed on Black Tuesday, precipitating the Great Depression.

1956; Israel invaded the Egyptian Sinai Peninsula during the Suez Canal crisis. 1966; The National Organization for Women was founded. 1998; John Glenn, the first American to orbit the Earth, returned to space at age 77.

2004; European leaders signed the European Union's first constitution. 2012; Hurricane Sandy smashed into the eastern seaboard of the U.S., killing 117 people in the U.S. and 69 in Canada and the Caribbean. The storm caused about $50 billion in damage in the U.S.

Picture Of The Day: This picture was taken by local photographer, Oscar Lopez, who has an uncanny mastery over the camera and subject matter. It was taken at Matheson Hammock in Miami.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works. 2) And the Lord said to Peter. "Come forth and you will receive eternal life". But Peter came fifth, however, he did win a toaster. 3) Marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to "Until debt do us part". 4) You know you're from the South when you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side. 5) So I told her, don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeScorpio - October 29th: Although you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, bear in mind that you can catch even more flies with manure. Take the time to shave closely tonight as the evening is showing signs of becoming memorable. Chance of romance is partly cloudy with a chance of reins, a whip and handcuffs .

Birthdays: My daughter Jeannie and my niece, Brittany - Happy Birthday Sweeties 19XX, James Boswell, diarist, author 1740, Jean Giraudoux, French novelist and dramatist 1882, Fanny Brice, American comedienne 1891, R. B. Kitaj, painter 1932, Richard Dreyfuss, actor 1947, Winona Ryder, actress 1971, Gabrielle Union, actor 1972.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer mumbles to himself, "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt."

Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?" Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, "Sure," and sinks the putt.

Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one." The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?" Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay", and he makes an eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?" The golfer replies, "definitely", and he makes the eagle.

As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks alongside him and says, "I haven't really been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I am the Devil and from this day forward you will have no sex life." The golfer replies, "Nice to meet you. I'm Father O'Malley!"

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady walked up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son....."Go get your Mother."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone from one of the church ushers and bared her soul to the enrapt congregation, "I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, has suffered this past month. He was riding his Harley, lost control, ran off the highway and hit a tree. He was rushed to the hospital, and could have died, but thank the Lord, all he suffered was a broken scrotum."

The congregation gasped in horror. The men in the congregation were obviously uneasy and writhed in their seats. Jill continued, "Jim has been in terrible pain all month since the accident. He has trouble breathing. He has trouble swallowing his food. He can hardly lift anything, he's in so much pain, and he has missed work because of it."

She continued, "He can't lift our children up to hold them and give them the personal love that they need. Worst of all, we can no longer cuddle and have intimate relations. He is in constant pain, a pain so terrible that our love life has all but slipped away into oblivion. I would like to ask you all in the congregation to pray for Jim, and pray for us, that his broken scrotum will soon heal and be as good as new."

A dull murmur erupted within the congregation as the full impact of this terrible accident sank in, and the men in the congregation were visibly shaken up with the thought that, "There, but for the grace of God, go I."

Then, as the murmuring settled down, a lone figure stood up in midst of the congregation, worked his way up to the pulpit, obviously in pain, adjusted the microphone to his liking, then leaned over and said to the congregation: "My name is Jim and I have only one word for my wife, Jill. The word is: sternum."

A bald man with a wooden leg is invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir:

Enclosed please find a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Ace Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir:

Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Ace Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. A few day's later he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir:

Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Ace Costume Co.

That's it for today, my little sugar pops. Remember, if you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked, sniff some Windex first. It'll keep you from streaking. I'm going to slide over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

the pictures were great tonight, well with the exception of two.

I really never knew how deep Hillary could think, that is DEEP about job creation..... DEEP well maybe as my favorite Policicial woule say:
Slide on over to Area 51, but take a cab back.

jack69 said...

Imma get a proof reader soon,
that is:
DEEP,.... well maybe as my favorite Policicial would say: