Friday, February 6, 2015

From The Organization That Gave Us MSNBC

Everybody's fish gets a bit larger when recanting stories, especially as we age. However, if one's fishing mates were on the same trip, perhaps it's best to save "the big one" story for another day. Such is the advice to which NBC's Brian Williams should have subscribed.

Williams found his credibility seriously threatened because he claimed - falsely - that he had been in a helicopter hit by a grenade during the Iraq war. NBC News officials would not say whether their top on-air personality would face disciplinary action. The "Nightly News" anchor for just over a decade, Williams had become an online punching bag overnight.

Tweets with the hashtag #BrianWilliamsMemories joked that he blew up the Death Star, saved someone from a polar bear and flew with Wonder Woman in her invisible helicopter. Photoshopped pictures showed Williams reporting from the moon and riding shotgun with O.J. Simpson in his Ford Bronco.

Democratic Senator Richard Blumenthal said he served in Vietnam. He didn’t. Hillary Clinton claimed she was under sniper fire in Bosnia. She wasn’t. But they're politicians and it's easy to tell when they lie because their lips move.

Last Friday “NBC Nightly News” anchor Brian Williams said that while covering Iraq in 2003 his helicopter was “forced down after being hit by an RPG.” It wasn’t. Williams blames his lie to an unfortunate case of “misremembering” though Williams has “misremembered” the incident several times during the past dozen years.

The NBC anchor got busted because those who were there finally got tired of his BS. Williams’ Chinook landed about an hour after three other U.S. helicopters were truly under attack. So why has the NBC crew with Williams been silent all of these years?

Not surprising, this is the same network that rigged a fiery GM pickup truck crash, edited the George Zimmerman 911 call and gave race baiter and functional illiterate Al Sharpton his own show. Glory seekers like Blumenthal, Clinton and now Williams dishonor the sacrifice of those who have actually served.

The News As I See It: Over 100 Native American tribes have expressed interest in growing marijuana. This is according to Native American spokesman "Relaxing Eagle."

Scientists have discovered that a 5,000-year-old mummy is covered with at least 60 tattoos. Scientists are calling him the earliest known member of the NBA. Can you spell redundant?

Brian Williams of NBC News has admitted he embellished a story about being in a helicopter that was shot at in Iraq. Williams says the helicopter part was true but it was a coin-operated helicopter outside of a Chuck E. Cheese. It was in a bad part of Connecticut.

I read that drinking whiskey can cure a cold. See? Told ya'! I've been fighting colds in AREA 51 for years and all of you thought I was just a lounge lizard.

Starbucks is going to start carrying coconut milk. If you want to stay competitive in the coffee business you've got to consistently provide your customers with new ways to make their orders more annoying.

Girl Scout Cookie season goes until March. What are the ethics of setting your daughter up to sell cookies outside a medical marijuana store?

At this year's National Prayer Breakfast, Obama and the Dalai Lama avoided a direct meeting. Hmmm.....sounds like there may be some Obama-Lama drama, especially after the annointed one compared ISIS to the Crusades.

Green Bay Packers defensive tackle Letroy Guion was arrested this week with 357 grams of marijuana, an unloaded gun, and nearly $200,000 in cash in his car during a traffic stop. And you know what that means — the NFL offseason has officially begun.

This Date In History: 1788; Massachusetts ratified the U.S. Constitution, becoming the sixth state to join the Union. 1804; Joseph Priestley, British chemist, died. His work on the isolation of gases led him to discover oxygen in 1774.

1899; The Spanish-American War ended when a peace treaty between Spain and the United States was signed. 1933; The 20th Amendment to the Constitution, which set the date for the president's inauguration on January 20th, was adopted.

1935; The popular board game Monopoly® went on sale for the first time. 1952; Princess Elizabeth became Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain. 1971; Astronaut Alan B. Shepard hit a golf ball and Edgar Mitchell threw a "javelin" on the moon. They landed in the same crater and remain on the Moon today.

2001; Ariel Sharon was elected prime minister of Israel. 2012; The Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II marked the 60th anniversary of her accession to the throne.

Picture Of The Day: If you were on a helicopter that got shot out of the sky, would you remember it? What if you were on a different helicopter; would you forget that you were on the aircraft that did not? Brian Williams, anchor of NBC Nightly News, confessed Wednesay that a story he has often repeated about being on board an aircraft that came under RPG fire was inaccurate.

Williams was not actually on that helicopter; he was on an aircraft trailing about an hour behind that helicopter. Lance Reynolds, the flight engineer on the helicopter that did experience the attack, addressed Williams’ story on Facebook: “Sorry dude, I don’t remember you being on my aircraft. I do remember you walking up about an hour after we had landed to ask me what had happened.”

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) One of the "World's Strongest Man" events should be pulling apart two shopping carts that are stuck together. 2) Probably the worst thing about dying a virgin would be all the dead terrorists that are waiting for you. 3) Friend: "Can you help me put this IKEA desk together?" Me: "I'll need a screwdriver." Friend: "Sure what type?" Me: "Smirnoff." 4) I missed my turn into my driveway yesterday and ended up at the local AREA 51 bar a few blocks over. 5) There's a bald spot in my yard so I'm gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeAquarius - February 6th: Itching may be a sign of bad things to come. Watch out for overweight dogs when it's raining. If find yourself speaking in different languages while smoking weed, you're probably Rosetta Stoned.

Birthdays: Aaron Burr, political leader 1756, Jeb Stuart, cavalry commander 1833, Babe Ruth, baseball player 1895, Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States 1911, Mary Douglas Leakey, archaeologist 1913, Zsa Zsa Gabor, actress 1917, François Truffaut, film director and critic 1932, Bob Marley, reggae singer 1945.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings. She picks up, the man looks over at her and listens. She is speaking in a cheery voice.

She says, "Hi, I'm so glad you called. Really? That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up, and the man asks, "Who was that?" She replies, "That was my husband, telling me about the great time he's having on his golf trip with you."

Bald eagles mate for life. In an aerial courtship, the pair soars thousands of feet into the sky, interlock talons and perform the mating act while rapidly plummeting toward the ground in a series of somersaults.

I don't know much about eagle personalities, but if I were a female eagle and I looked down to see I was only 500 feet away crashing on jagged rocks and certain death, I think I'd fake an orgasm.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese man are hired at a Sydney construction site. The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling." To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."

Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."

The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy. He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells..."Supplies!!!"

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara Desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead. After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation.

After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke, "Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim." The Nun replied, "I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."

The Father said, "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" The Nun replied, "Anything, Father."

The Priest said, "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours." The Nun replied, "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."

The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty" The Priest said, "Sister, would you mind if I touched them?" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

The Nun then said, "Father, could I ask something of you?" The Father replied, "Yes, Sister?" The Nun said, "I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?" The Priest replied. "I suppose that would be okay."

The Priest lifted his robe. The Nun said. "Oh Father, may I touch it?" The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection." The Priest said, "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life."

The Nun replied, "Is that true Father?" The Priest answered, "Yes, it is, Sister." The Nun said, "Oh Father, that's wonderful. Stick it in the camel's ass and let's get the hell out of here!"

That's it for today, my little cocoa nuts. Remember, 40 percent of divorces stem from money issues, 40 percent are caused by infidelity and the remaining 20 percent have been linked to IKEA purchases requiring assembly.  I'm gonna slide over to AREA 51 for happy hour

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

I was in the car with Joey Chitwood when his Hollywood Hell Drivers came to our county fair. That 30' jump scared the dog poop outta me......, Oh I mis-remembered that, Now I remember, I was looking thru the fence.

Good entry what ever you drank to kill the bug stirred the creativ juices. Great lines.

I liked the line about the dangers of dying a virgin...
That is also a "supplies!" I am still smiling.
Be careful, but I understand you must ward off the cold.

Rose said...

On the News tonight, the pilot was defending Brian Williams and said that the helicopter was hit several times but not severe damage.

So, perhaps it is not a total lie?

jack69 said...

I came back to say your comments on MSNBC were spot on.
One day we just might smoke a REAL PIECE pipe, iffen the Nations start to grow MJ.