Friday, February 20, 2015

The Daytona 500 Weekend Is Underway

The NASCAR 2015 season has arrived and begins tonight with the Camping World Truck race, followed by the new Xfinity Series on Saturday and the biggest race of the year, the Daytona 500 on Sunday.

Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson start on the pole and outside pole positions, respectively. Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Kyle Busch will make up the second row by virtue of winning their respective dual 125 qualifying races.

The dual 125 qualifying races was also bedlam as Danica Patrick and Denny Hamlin got into it twice in a matter of days with Danica being spun out by Hamlin both times.

An after race confrontation between Danica and Denny left an angry Danica in Denny's face while Denny attempted to explain his version of what happened. We'll see if this carries over to Sunday's race. 

The qualifying procedures for all three divisions has left a lot of people unhappy and the future of the procedure in question.Ty Dillon won the pole for tonight's truck race and the new qualifying procedure has left a lot of drivers scratching their heads.

On a side note: NASCAR has suspended Kurt Busch indefinitely for actions detrimental to stock car racing following the release today of a supplemental disposition setting forth the findings and conclusions that formed the basis for the Family Court of the State of Delaware’s decision on Monday to issue an Order of Protection from Abuse against him. Stewart-Haas Racing has not announced fill-in driver plans at this time.

The News As I See It: Jeb Bush gave a speech Wednesday. He had a pretty rough time. He accidentally said that ISIS has 200,000 men instead of 20,000 and then he mispronounced the name of the terrorist group Boko Haram. When reached for comment, his brother George W. said, "He sure sounds presidentiary to me."

During a trial in Brooklyn this week, it was revealed that a member of al-Qaida posed as a woman to attract less attention from authorities. It would have worked better if he had remembered to shave his beard.

The Oscars are this Sunday. Host Neil Patrick Harris said he hopes the broadcast will include a "Kanye moment." Unfortunately a Kanye moment may not be possible because that would require a black person to be at the Oscars.

Starbucks has launched a home delivery service. It's perfect for anyone too lazy to walk one block in any direction.

TLC is reportedly working on a spinoff of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo." They're calling it, "You Idiots Will Watch Anything."

This Date In History: 1792; President George Washington signed the Post Office Act, establishing a permanent Post Office Department. 1809; The Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal government is greater than that of any individual state.

1895; Frederick Douglass, abolitionist, author, and orator, died. 1962; John Glenn became the first American to orbit Earth. 1998; Tara Lipinski won the Olympic figure skating gold medal. 2003; A fire in a nightclub in Warwick, Rhode Island, killed 100 and injured over 150.

Picture Of The Day: Dale Earnhardt Jr showed good speed and won his 125 qualifying race. He'll be one of the favorites on Sunday.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs? 2) Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I get out of the bed in the morning, I'd say I'm about 74% Rice Krispies.

3) If you're an atheist vegan, a runner, recently quit smoking and just had a new baby, how do you choose which way to annoy people in a conversation first? 4) My friend asked his wife if they could get a hot young nanny. Of course. she got mad and said "No!". When he asked her why, she said, "For one thing, we don't have any kids."

5) A liter of Johnnie Walker Black scotch......when you absolutely, positively need to wake up underneath your neighbor's swing-set.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopePisces - : A nearby construction company may approach you this morning in an attempt to fool you into thinking that the world is about to explode. It's probably a ruse, but keep your eyes on the exits, just in case.

Birthdays: Honore Daumier, caricaturist, painter 1808, Louis Kahn, architect 1901, Ansel Adams, American photographer 1902, Robert Altman, director 1925, Sidney Poitier, actor 1927, Bobby Unser, auto racer 1934, Buffy Sainte-Marie, singer, songwriter 1941, Phil Esposito, hockey player 1942, Kurt Cobain, musician 1967.

Ty Dillon starts on the pole for tonight's Camping World Truck series race

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A phenomena known as "women's intuition" a sixth sense if you will, is no myth. Women seem to know what's going on in their man's lives almost better than they do. Why is this?

In the early 80's, researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain's two hemispheres than men do. It's these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly un-connectable pieces. That, and they go through all your stuff while you're in the shower.

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch sit with the workers and talk with them.

She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile said, "Do you men know Jesus Christ?" They shook their heads and looked at each other.

One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?" One of the steelworkers asked why. The worker yelled, "His wife is here with his lunch."

Kyle "Rowdy" Busch will bear watching in Saturday's Xfinity Series race

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A woman quickly realized that the large wave had unceremoniously dispatched the top part of her bikini into the deep. More than a little embarrassed, she clasped her arms across her chest and made a dash for her car. She could sense everyone gawking at her along the way.

Upon entering the parking lot a little boy, who was following his mother to the beach asked, pointing to her arms, "Are those puppies you're carrying in there?"

Not wanting to explain what had really happened, the woman replied, "Why yes, yes they are. She quickly moved on but heard the boy shout after her, "If you're giving them away, I'll take the one with the pink nose!"

A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would come in with him and be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed screwing another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your Green Bay Packer season tickets. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership and he even pay s the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" The cabby said, "I'd cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold!

That's it for today, my little tidbits. Remember, the "Law of Probable Dispersal" states that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. It's too cold for AREA 51 tonight, not to mention the NASCAR truck race on TV. Samantha and I will be watching.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Good entry on NASCAR. Won’t be long and Danica gonna be one of the boys, she shoulda at least had a monkey wrench!
Good line about the Nanny, and no children!
Hey, they don’t do trucks like they used to, at ain’t my daddy’s truck!
Imma liking this Florida weather today. Be good.

PS: I like ‘em puppies with the pink nose too!