Friday, September 4, 2015
A Laid Back Weekend
Monday is Labor Day and unless you're giving birth, we're in for a relaxing three day weekend. We're one of the few countries that celebrate Labor Day, unless you count Russia and China who celebrate Forced Labor Day.
Essentially, Labor Day is a day off that we take to celebrate the fact that we get a day off.
A lot of people will be barbecuing this weekend which always fascinates me. When I barbecue, I usually cook boneless rib eye steaks with grilled whole corn and baked potato while Brother Kirt leans more toward baby back ribs or barbecue chicken.
Cost sometimes forces families to buy cheaper cuts of meat, hamburgers and hot dogs. While the reasoning is understandable, it doesn't fit my description of a barbecue and I ofttimes eat before going.
The main purpose of a barbecue is to get together with friends and family and have a nice time. What you cook is unimportant for the most part. So, if you're barbecuing this weekend or whatever your choice of relaxation is, I wish all my friends and readers a Happy Labor Day.
The News As I See It: Anthony Weiner denied Donald Trump's suggestion that his wife, Huma, shared classified information with him while she worked for Hillary Clinton. As we all know, nothing puts a rumor to rest like a denial from Anthony Weiner.... "I didn’t send those pics! Oh, those pics? Yeah, I sent them."
Obama was in Alaska where he did one of those important things presidents have to do – He joined in for some traditional Eskimo dancing at a local middle school. Meanwhile, 14 cops were shot and killed and Obie hasn't addressed that. Maybe some of the thugs' mothers whose funerals had White House attendance will call and ask him to say a word or two.
A judge overturned Tom Brady's four-game suspension and will let him play in next week's opening game. The judge said, “After careful consideration of the evidence from both parties, I rule in favor of my fantasy football team.”
This Date In History: 1781; The city of Los Angeles was founded by Spanish settlers. 1888; George Eastman patented his roll-film camera and registered the Kodak trademark.
1951; President Harry S. Truman inaugurated transcontinental television service in the U.S. when ATT carried his address to the opening session of the Japanese Peace Convention in San Francisco.
1957; Nine black students attempted to enter Little Rock's Central High School but were blocked by the National Guard. Arkansas governor Orval Faubus had summoned the federal troops. 1972; U. S. swimmer Mark Spitz won a record seventh gold medal at the Munich Summer Olympics.
Picture Of The Day: I'm hungry already.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I was eight, I saw a picture of myself in one of those strollers for twins. I asked Dad why there were two seats in the stroller. He said I used to have a brother, but he didn't obey. 2) The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. 3) The consumption of alcohol is a contributing factor in dancing like a retard. 4) Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of measles. 5) Three out of four voices in my head want to sleep. The other voice wants to know if penguins have knees.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 4th: Dogs can be a man's best friend or a woman's best friend. They could also be a child's best friend or a cat's best friend. Actually, dogs are totally flexible.
The post office is going to be lucky for you today as a mystery package arrives for you that, for once, is neither ticking nor covered in mysterious powder.
Love will no longer be just another four-letter-word to you today as you will start to understand why birds suddenly appear every time someone nears.
Birthdays: Francois Rene Chateaubriand (who changed his last name from Filet-Mignon to Chateaubriand after getting married), writer 1768, Donald McKay, shipbuilder 1810, Anton Bruckner, composer 1824, Mary Renault, novelist 1905, Mitzi Gaynor, actress, dancer 1931, Ray Floyd, golfer 1942, Tom Watson golfer 1949, Beyonce Knowles, singer, dancer, actor 1981.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An elderly couple were discussing plans to get married and wanted to iron out any potential problems with their particular properties.
The old woman said, "I want to keep my condominium in my name" The old man replied, "That's fine with me." The woman said, "I also want to keep my Cadillac in my name only." The man said, "That's fine with me."
Then, the old lady said, "I want to have sex six days a week." The old man said, "That's fine with me - put me down for Fridays."
An old lawyer, laying on his deathbed, called to his wife and asked her to bring the Bible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea and brought the Bible to her husband.
The lawyer took the Bible from her and began scanning the pages. Curious, knowing her husband wasn't a religious person, she asked, "What are you searching for, dear?" The lawyer replied, "Loopholes."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs...enough times till her husband says, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" With a seductive smile the woman purred, "Yes."
Her husband replied. "Thank God! For a moment there, I thought the stuffing was coming out of the sofa."
A man and woman were in divorce court awaiting the judge's ruling on the financial and property settlement. The judge said, "Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $750 a week."
Mr Clark said, "That's very fair, your honor, and every now and then, I'll try to give her a few bucks, myself."
That's it for today, my little gerbils. Remember, today's humor does not reflect the thoughts of myself or my cat; your mileage may vary; an equal opportunity joke writer; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes: if a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, stop reading today's post and consult George Burns. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !