Monday, September 21, 2015
TSA Accepted Costco Cards As Identification?
Reports say TSA accepted a Costo card as identification. Peachy! A card that can be purchased by anyone for $50 is sure to keep us safe. What kind of world will we leave Keith Richards with imbecile government decisions like this?
On another note, Liberals are going apeshit because a 14-year-old Muslim boy was stopped for carrying a homemade clock to school. Uh.....why do you think school officials got nervous? I mean it's not like Islamic extremists ever blew up the Twin Towers or set off home-made bombs at the Boston Marathon.
Get real, people! The next time a suspicious or ticking package is found in public, let's have the children of a bleeding heart Liberal investigate and disarm it.
Meanwhile, Obama, in his infinite wisdom (or lack thereof) has invited the lad to the White House, This is the same Obama who invited the parents of Army deserter Bowe Bergdahl to the White house. Anyone see a theme here?
No word yet as to when Obama will invite the families of fallen soldiers and police officers to the White House. No tweets or podium remarks, nothing.....
The News As I See It: Doritos announced that they will be rolling out new Pride Flag-inspired rainbow-colored tortilla chips. In other news, Obama nominated an openly gay civilian to be the next Secretary of the Army. Coincidence or did I notice Obama clinging to a a bag of Doritos during the announcement.
Democratic presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders will be featured on the cover of Time Magazine this week. It’s part of their new cover series “People Who Still Read Time Magazine.”
The FEC does not let candidate names appear in the title of a Super PAC, Carly Fiorina’s organization has started claiming its name CARLY for America is an acronym that stands for Conservative, Authentic, Responsive Leadership for You and for America. And I think that shows her campaign is full of Strategic, Honorable, and Interesting Tactics.
People are getting excited about the pope’s upcoming visit. In fact, I read that a priest in Pennsylvania plans to show off a 500-thousand-piece Lego model of the Vatican that took him two years to build. Well, there's one priest whose vow of celibacy will never be questioned.
This Date In History: 1792; The French National Convention voted to abolish the monarchy. 1897; The New York Sun published its famous editorial, "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus."
1937; The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein was first published. 1938; A hurricane struck New York and New England with extensive damage and more than 600 deaths. 1949; The People's Republic of China was proclaimed.
1964; Malta gained its independence from Great Britain. 1981; Belize gained its independence from Great Britain. 1996; John F. Kennedy, Jr., married Carolyn Bessette.
Picture Of The Day: Say what.........?
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I got new neighbors today. I hope they like my music as much as the last 5 families did. 2) I think that you should substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows, verbatim. 3) Sex Education should require people to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours and watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again. 4) Of course size matters. No one likes a small pizza. 5) Wow man, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 21st: Love comes when you least expect it. 36 percent of all romances start in the bathroom. These two facts are linked and we point them out for your amusement and as something to look forward to. They say that every day is a winding road. This is especially true for you today when you find your new love walking down a winding road.
Birthdays: Heike Kamerlingh Onnes. physicist 1853, Herbert George Wells (H. G. Wells), English author 1866, Henry Lewis Stimson, statesman 1867, Larry Hagman, actor 1931, Stephen King, author 1947, Bill Murray actor, screenwriter, comedian 1950.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Dottie and Edna, two older widows, are talking. Dottie says, "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.? I know you went out with him last week and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna replied, "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment dressed in a fine suit and he brings me beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs and what's there, but a limousine. He takes me out for a champagne and lobster dinner. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dottie, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!"
Edna continued, "Then, we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an animal. He tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"
Dottie says, "Goodness gracious! So you're telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Edna answered "No, I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
A guy was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible to get. A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home.
First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down. He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud.
After they get to his house, They pull him out of the car, falls again, they drag him to the front door, he falls down another four times at the door.
His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband home." The wife says, "Thank you so much. Where's his wheelchair?"
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road, the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket." The teacher said, "Very good, Joe."
Next, Mary said, "We are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they're hatched." The teacher, very pleased with the response so far said, "That's good too, Mary."
Then it was Barney's turn to tell his story. He said, "My dad told me this story about my Aunt Karen. She was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete." The teacher, intrigued, said "Go on."
Barney continued, "Aunt Karen drank the whisky on the way down to prepare herself, then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
The teacher exclaimed, "Good heavens, what did your father say was the moral of that frightening story?" Little Barney replied, "There sure was! Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"
A man and woman were having sexual problems and she asked him to see his doctor. The man said to his doctor, "I'm having trouble getting aroused."
The doctor examines him and says, "You'll need to have some work done to bring back your sex drive. I can do it in a series of operations that will take thirty days and cost twelve thousand dollars or I can do it in one operation right away that would cost thirty thousand dollars. Why don't you go home and discuss it with your wife?"
The next day the guy comes back into the doctor's office. The doctor says, "Did you talk it over with your wide?" The man nods is head. The doctor asks, "What did you decide?" The man says, "We're going to re-model the kitchen."
That's it for today, my little whippoorwills. Remember, much like the giant panda and the snow leopard, the 20-something white girl without a wrist tattoo is now an endangered species.
Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.
More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !