Friday, September 18, 2015

Rainy Day Thoughts

There's a chance we can go from one president that had no qualifications for the job to another candidate who may not be qualified, as well. This amuses me to some extent. Moreover, how much worse can the new candidate do?

I'm not satisfied with any of the current democrat and republican candidates, nor the last two administrations. I am as dissatisfied with the republican congress as when it was held by democrats.

The bottom line, career politicians and neophytes are useless. We need to find someone who can help pull this country out of the toilet. 

This morning, from somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohamed Omar, warned the United States and Canada that if military action is taken against Syria, Taliban authorities will cut off America's and Canada's only supply of convenience store managers.

If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Bell, Comcast and Visa customer service representatives. It's getting ugly.....

The News As I See It: According to a new poll, almost half of Florida voters think their own candidates, Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio, should drop out of the race. While the other half of Florida keeps asking what happened to Eisenhower.

A conservative super PAC just announced that they plan to spend $1 million on campaign ads attacking Donald Trump. Trump responded, "Make it $2 million and I'll star in them!"

In China, people are selling their kidney to buy an iPhone 6. What's going to happen when the iPhone 7 comes out?

Facebook - Why stop at "like" and "dislike?" I need more buttons to sum up the broad spectrum of emotions I feel while on Facebook. For instance, I'd like to see "eye roll" and "oh no you dit-ent" buttons.

This Date In History: 1759; French Quebec surrendered to the British after the Sept. 13 battle on the Plains of Abraham, the last battle of the French and Indian Wars. French general Montcalm and British general Wolfe died in the fray. 1810; Chile declared its independence from Spain.

1850; Congress passed the Fugitive Slave Act, which required the return of escaped slaves to their owners. 1851; The first edition of The New York Daily Times, which later became The New York Times, was published. 1947 The National Security Act, which unified the Army, Navy, and Air Force, was passed.

1961; Secretary-General of the UN Dag Hammarskjold was killed in a plane crash in Northern Rhodesia (Zambia). 1970; 27-year-old rock star, Jimi Hendrix, died in London. 1999; Sammy Sosa became the first player in major league baseball history to hit 60 homers in two seasons.

Picture Of The Day: The picture says it all.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you're probably holding the Taser wrong. 2) "Latte" is Latin for "You paid too much for that coffee." 3) Don't think you're immune. We're all just a whim away from singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." Yes, a whim away...a whim away...a whim away. 4) Don't be afraid of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.  5) Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not sure what it means.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 18: Long walks, cold showers and playing with the puppies. All these will soon be a distant memory this week as you will receive a call to arms. Unfortunately, those arms belong to someone else, which could cause you physical pain if you accept the beckoning, luring embrace. Don't even think about those beautiful puppies.

Birthdays: Samuel Johnson, English author 1709, Joseph Story, jurist 1779, Leon Foucault, physicist 1819, Greta Garbo, actress 1905, Frankie Avalon, singer 1939, Lance Armstrong, cyclist and drug user 1971.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room.

Finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." The doctor said calmly, "No, he'll quiet down when he gets to the poisons."

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different. Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan." The teacher asked, "Why aren't you an Obama fan?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Independent."

The teacher asked him why he's an Independent. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's an Independent and my Dad's an Independent, so I'm an Independent."

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Little Johnny's class was on a trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted."

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. The policeman said, "Yes, the detectives want him very badly."

Little Johnny asked, while tugging on the man's belt, "Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?"

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" The man said, "No matter, observe!", and he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered round the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" The Bishop sadly replied, "I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."

That's it for today, my little gargoyles. Remember, don't make fun of old people. Making fun of some one's age is like mocking them for getting hit by a train because you're standing a little further down the same tracks. If I feel better, I'll be heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Good one tonight and it there was 110% I would agree that much with the opening;
FAct Quote:
The bottom line, career politicians and neophytes are useless. We need to find someone who can help pull this country out of the toilet.
Great lines tonight for humor... Yep, the right price Trump would sell himself.

At a State park near Bradenton the Ranger said, "YOU think there are old folk here in those cars with no drivers, their mom and dad lives down in Sarasota.

Those are the ones wondering about Eisenhower. That was a GOOD LINE! Nite