Monday, September 7, 2015

Happy Labor Day

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Labor Day. I dreamed of eating roast pork, yuca with mojo and fried bananas. Fortunately, I woke up in time to cook a ribeye steak and watch the Nascar Darlington 500.

The weekend television schedule was loaded with college football games, Formula One and NASCAR races, which filled most of my dance card.

A laid back weekend was needed as wanderlust has been tugging at my sleeves. Chances are, you'll find me at Sabores Restaurant this weekend, possibly singing some karaoke and catching up with the "chisme" (gossip) with my special friends.

We always have a great time when we're together and I see no reason not to continue that tradition.....

The News As I See It: About My Past.....

Back in the day, I woke up one morning at a hotel-casino resort in the Bahamas with a woman I met somewhere in Miami Beach the evening before. All I remember was leaving the is good!

I have no tattoos or body piercings however I do have several scars from bite marks.

I recently checked out some of my high school pals on Facebook and most of them are old people.

This Date In History: 1822; Brazil declared its independence from Portugal. 1901; The Boxer Rebellion in China officially ended with the signing of the Peking Protocol (Peace of Beijing). 1940; Nazi Germany began its initial blitz on London during World War II.

1979; The Entertainment and Sports Programming Network (ESPN) made its debut on cable TV. 1986; Desmond Tutu became the first black to lead the Anglican Church in southern Africa.

Picture Of The Day: Some of my friends went to the football game. I chose Fantasy Land.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) There is no "we" in "bacon"! 2) My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight"? I said, "At the first sight of what"? 3) I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 4) Sixty percent of all pit bull attacks occur when tying the bandanna around its neck and putting the sunglasses on its face. 5) My doctor said, "I can't find a cause for your illness, but I think it's due to drinking." I said, "In that case, I'll come back when you're sober.".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 7th: Waiting for your loved one to come to you could be a big mistake. This is especially true for at least one person today, whose loved one happens to drive a very large bus and will suddenly lose the ability to brake while driving toward your house.

Birthdays: Elizabeth I, queen of England (1558–1603) 1533, Grandma Moses, painter 1860, Elinor Wylie, poet and novelist 1885, Edith Sitwell, poet and critic 1887, Taylor Caldwell, novelist 1900, Elia Kazan, director, writer, actor 1909, Peter Lawford, actor 1923, Buddy Holly, singer 1936.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. Suzanne, the owner, is a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt."

He whispers, "The girl sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and she's a rugby player. The gal to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and she's a wrestler. Each one of them is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to baseball practice. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.

Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. He said, "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

His father replied, "That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Lounet and Wally for their contributions to today's stories.

A rich Texas oilman and his wife were having dinner when a stunning woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?" The husband replies, "She's my mistress."

His wife says, "That's the last straw. I want a divorce and I'm going to hire the meanest, most aggressive lawyer I know and make your life miserable.

The husband says, "I understand, but remember, if we get a divorce, we'll have to divide everything. I'll have to sell our estate, so that we can buy two two smaller homes. I'll have to sell the Rolls-Royce, so that we can buy economical cars. It will mean no more vacations in the Caribbean, no more country club privileges and you'll have to give up all your charge accounts.

Just then, a mutual friend came in with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. The wife asks, "Who's that with Jim?" The husband says, "That's his mistress." His wife says, "Ours is prettier!"

A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol and yelled, "I have a Colt .45 with eight rounds in the clip and one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!"

A voice from the back of the room called out, "You don't have enough ammo!"

That's it for today, my little buttercups. Remember, they call it "pms" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


everett strachan said...

On the mark Jimmy!

jack69 said...

Good read, it was good all the way down to THAT LAST line. Then I ruined my touch screen and keyboard. "Not enough ammo". His wife must a been one of my ex daughters in law!