Friday, September 25, 2015

The Associated Press - Now More Politically Correct?

The Associated Press updated its global warming entry on Tuesday saying, in essence, "Climate change skeptics" will no longer be considered to be politically correct. They will now be known as "climate change doubters".

According to a memo, the AP wrote, "We are adding a brief description of those who don’t accept climate science or dispute the world is warming from man-made forces. Our guidance is to use "climate change doubters" or "those who reject mainstream climate science" and to avoid the use of skeptics or deniers.

On another note, people who overly strive to be politically correct will continue to be referred to as "assholes."

The News As I See It: Twitter has created a bunch of special hashtags to honor the Pope, proving once and for all that Twitter doesn't really know the meaning of the word "honor."

Obama gave Pope Francis a sculpture of an ascending dove made with pieces of the Statue of Liberty and wood taken from the White House lawn, as well as a key to the house of the first American-born saint. The Pope said, "Oh, I didn’t get you anything" and quietly put a $40 Starbucks gift card back in his pocket.

Tuesday was Yom Kippur. Jews all over the country honored the day by staying home and watching the Pope on television.

Chris Christie has reportedly ordered the commander of the state National Guard to lose weight. That is how you put the hippo in hypocrite.

This Date In History: 1775; Ethan Allen was captured by the British. 1789; The first Congress adopted 12 amendments to the Constitution and sent them to the states for ratification. The first ten became the Bill of Rights. 1890; Wilford Woodruff, president of the Mormon church, renounced the practice of polygamy. This paved the way for Utah's acceptance as a state in 1896.

1915; Rebecca Elizabeth Dozier (my mom) was born. Happy Birthday mom! 1957; Nine black teenagers, now known as the Little Rock Nine, challenged racial segregation by attending the all-white Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas.

1957; Nine black children were escorted to Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas, under heavily armed guard, because of racial violence. 1981; Sandra Day O'Connor was sworn in as the first female justice on the Supreme Court.

2003; It was reported that more than 14,000 had lost their lives in France in a summer heat wave. 2011; King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia grants women the right to vote and run for office in future elections.

Picture Of The Day: The popemobile moves down the streets of New York City.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) It would have been cool to see the discovery of salt. "This food tastes bland. Let's see if I can improve it by adding some rocks." 2) Stewardess: "Secure your mask before helping your kids. If you have more than one, pick the one with the highest earning potential first." 3) Just in case the FBI turns on my web cam, I've got a teeny tiny picture of Jimmy Hoffa taped to the lens. 4) I find it amazing how popular baby Jesus was able to become without his mother ever posting a single picture of him on Facebook. 5) It came to my attention one weekend night when I had been drinking that I would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Libra - September 25th: Your marital status may change this week, either due to a divorce or possibly just a typing error on your Obamacare application. Either way, love is in the cards for you.

Birthdays: Claude Perrault, architect, scientist, and physician 1613, William Faulkner, American novelist 1897, Mark Rothko, painter 1903, Dmitri Shostakovich, composer 1906, Sir Colin Davis, conductor 1927, Barbara Walters, TV commentator 1931, Glenn Gould, pianist and composer 1932, Michael Douglas, actor 1944, Christopher Reeve actor, director 1952, Heather Locklear, actress 1961, Catherine Zeta-Jones, actress 1969.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!" God answers, "What's the problem, Eve?" Eve says, "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."

From above, the Lord asked, "Why is that Eve?" Eve said, "Lord, I'm lonely and I'm sick to death of apples." The Lord replied, "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

Eve asked, "What's a 'man', Lord?" The Lord said, "A man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathise or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time."

The lord continued, "But, he'll be bigger, faster and more muscular than you. He'll also need your advice to think properly. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about, hunting fleet-footed animals and not altogether bad in the sack."

Eve says, "Sounds great, my Lord." The lord said, "Well, you can have him on one condition." Eve answered, "What's that, Lord?" The Lord smiled and said, "You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.

So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher and waited for a response.

The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well, every morning, my mother gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells, 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An American and a Russian were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished." The American nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the American collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded.

When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you get out of that hold?" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could."

The trainer exclaimed, "So, that's what finished him off?" The American replied, "Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls."

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in El Paso, Texas, while awaiting their respective flights. One is an American Indian, another is a Texas cowboy and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived in the U.S. from the Middle East. Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures.

Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is blowing, but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow, leans forward and says, "Once my people were few and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and, from the darkness beneath his Stetson, says in a smooth drawl, "That's because we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but it's coming."

That's it for today, my little peacocks. Remember, men that know the difference between moist and wet, know the difference between failure and success. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Good read. I also agree with your position on political Correctness. I did laugh at the funnies, even after a 6 hour round trip to talk to a Dr. for 5 minutes. BUT he did say they were going to turn me on on the 15th of Oct....... I might be able to listen to you music like my girl does.