Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Lawyers Shouldn't Appear In Their Own Commercials

I saw a TV ad from a lawyer that stated, "If you have used the XYZ drug and have been injured or have recently passed, call the law offices of....." I so wanted to call them and say, "Hey, I passed last week. Do I qualify?"

Lawyers who appear in their own commercials are either stupid or cheap (or both). Since I'm a night owl, I know each and every one of these guys and I wouldn't let them represent me on a bet.

There are two brothers who I'll call "the Icebergs" who have been running the same ad for twenty years ( and they were old then!).

And they all feel the need to point! Like Smokey the Bear's old commercials, "Only YOU can prevent forest fires!" They really need to work on these pointing gestures. Apparently, they don't watch their own commercials.

Hey, everyone has to make a living, but passing the bar exam doesn't make you an actor. Lawyers get 33 percent of the proceeds in every case and 50 percent if they go to court. They should do themselves a favor and hire an actor.....

On A Sad Note: I learned yesterday that my friend and fellow blogger Rose Sisti has passed away from cancer. Rose was a sweet and caring lady who I will miss. Rest in peace, sweet Rose.

The News As I See It: Hillary Clinton went on "Meet the Press" and Chuck Todd actually showed her a video of all the times she's flip-flopped on issues. At first Hillary said she felt bad about it, but now she says she feels OK about it.

Pope Francis wrapped up his trip to the United States and while he was in Philadelphia, the Pope visited a prison. He said he couldn't believe how dirty and overcrowded it was, then his assistant said, "This is just the Amtrak station, we haven't gotten to the prison yet."

Delta will begin opening company spas at certain airports so that employees can get a massage. And if passengers want a massage, they can just leave their keys in their pockets when they go through security.

Under Donald Trump's proposed tax plan, you won't have to pay any income taxes if you make less than $25,000 a year or if you and your spouse make under $50,000 a year. And if you capture an illegal Mexican you won't pay any taxes at all.

Whole Foods announced that it is cutting 1,500 jobs. Although Whole Foods doesn't want to call them "unemployed." They're calling them "free range employees."

A referee in a professional soccer match in Brazil pulled a gun out during a game last week because he was tired of being treated poorly by players and coaches. And then out of habit, several players fell down and pretended they had been shot.

This Date In History: 1791; Mozart's opera The Magic Flute premiered in Vienna, Austria. 1927; Babe Ruth hit his 60th home run. The record stood until Roger Maris hit 61 in 1961. Mark McGwire beat Maris's record in 1998 by hitting 70 and Barry Bonds topped this in 2001 with 73.

1938; Britain and France surrendered to Germany's demands concerning the Sudetenland, and signed the Munich Pact. 1946; Twenty-two Nazi leaders were found guilty at the Nuremberg trials.

1949; The Berlin Airlift came to an end. 1955; Actor James Dean was killed in a car crash. 1966; Botswana gained its independence from Great Britain.

Picture Of The Day: Yep......

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I have done hundreds of crossword puzzles over the years, but just this morning I noticed they also provide clues. 2) My friend's uncle was found wandering aimlessly in the shoe department at Sears. He's glad because his uncle wore Crocs to his wedding in 2006. 3) A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos. 4) My favorite part of our romantic date was when she told me that she wanted to have my kids. Then I gave them to her, all 3 of them.  5) Apparently, women only enjoy a nice romantic breakfast in bed when they know how you got into their house..and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Libra - September 30th: Vegetables have always made you think naughty thoughts, so please bear in mind that any visits to the produce section of the grocery store may prove embarrassing. Chew the cud with some friends today. Their inane chatter may amuse you. Chance of romance is 47 percent and possibly higher if your trip to the grocery store works out.

Birthdays: Hans Geiger, physicist 1882, David Oistrakh, violinist 1908, Lester Maddox, public official 1915, Truman Capote, novelist 1924, Martina Hingis, tennis player 1980.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The party was really rocking when the host asked a very attractive blonde if she would like another drink. The sexy blonde bowed her head slightly and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."

With that, the host asked, "Why is that?" The blonde coyly replied, "Because after one drink I can feel it and after two drinks, anyone can!"

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night. The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred, "I would die for you!"

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: On a train from London to Manchester, a man was telling off the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

The man said, "You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me, I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?"

The Englishman said, "Very sporting of your mother."

A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his friends, who asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag.

His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The man says, "I'll go you one better. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."

That's it for today, my little roadrunners. Remember, the best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

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