Monday, November 9, 2015

Where Are My Cookies ?!

I love Pepperidge Farms Double Dark Chocolate Nantucket cookies. The last two times I was at Publix, they were out of stock. So, today, I bought two packages and took the remaining eight packages and hid them. Too Far? I think not!

Nantucket cookies rank second only to Haagen Dazs ice cream and when I want them, they'd better be there. Every other Pepperidge Farm cookie flavor known to mankind is always in stock, but Nantucket.....Nooooooo!

It's like the supplier must know that's what I like and he tells his salesman, "Remember to shortchange Publix Store # XXXX on the Nantuckett cookies, 'cause that's where Jimmy shops.

I moved half of my cache behind a cobweb covered area of Asian Prune and liverwurst flavored cookies, which, incidentally, is always in stock. I moved the rest behind the diet cookie area. Judging from the clientele at that store, it will be safe there and I don't see a run on diet cookies.

Drastic measures? Perhaps, but have you ever had a desire for something, went to get it and when you got there, they were sold or out of stock? I know one thing, Next week, my cookies will be in stock.....!

The News As I See It: Donald Trump is starting to run some radio ads where he accuses politicians of being "all talk and no action." That's ironic since radio ads are literally all talk and no action. That's what radio is.

Hillary Clinton has lost a third of her supporters in Iowa. There's still debate as to whether she lost them or just deleted them from her database.

In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said that one of the jobs that will possibly prepare her to be president was scaling fish in Alaska. Bill, on the other hand, learned by catching crabs in Cancun.

This Date In History: 1888; Jack the Ripper killed his last victim, Mary Jane Kelly. 1938; Nazis burned and looted temples and Jewish-owned stores and houses in Germany and Austria in what became known as Kristallnacht (Crystal Night—referring to broken glass on streets). 1953; Author-poet Dylan Thomas died in New York at age 39. 1965; A switch at a station near Niagara Falls failed. The Northeast and parts of Canada went dark for more than 13 hours. 1970; Former French president Charles De Gaulle died at age 79. 1989; Borders between East and West Germany were opened and the Berlin Wall began to be dismantled the next day.

Picture Of The Day: Love those Calicos! (Click to enlarge)

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Starbucks should have a separate line for people who don't know what they want or how the world works.  2) Women who draw in their eyebrows are making a serious decision about what mood they're in for the rest of that day. 3) If your smart phone gets wet, put it in a bag of dry rice. Then at night, the rice will attract Asians and they will fix it for you. 4) I imagine the discovery of fruit went like this: "Ok, so far you've named the red one apple and the yellow one banana. What about the orange one?......Really? (sigh). 5) An obnoxious little brat was screaming in Publix today because his mom wouldn't buy him a Snickers bar. So, I bought one and ate it in front of him.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - November 11th: Romantic gestures will flourish forth today from the love that you hold in your heart. This may cause your teeth to hurt as well. Spiders have undeniable, but ultimately useless fact when the vacuum cleaner strikes! Do not trust a naked bus driver!

Birthdays: Benjamin Banneker, mathematician, astronomer, surveyor 1731, Gail Borden, dairyman, surveyor and inventor 1801, Ivan Turgenev, novelist 1818, Stanford White, architect 1853, Anne Sexton, poet 1928, Carl Sagan, American astronomer and popularizer of science 1934, David Duval, golfer 1971.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

She asked, "Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd looked puzzled but agreed. Out of the blue, she blurts out, "57".

The shepherd was stunned but kept his word and allowed her to pick out a sheep. She picked out the cutest one. He looked at her and said, "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him."

The officer continued, "Then, I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me To Sunday-School' bumper sticker and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally.....I assumed you had stolen the car.''

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled him over. The policeman walked up to the man and asked, "Have you been drinking, sir?"

The man replied, "Why? Was I weaving all over the road?" The policeman said, "No, you were driving splendidly. It was the really ugly girl in the passenger seat that gave you away."

That's it for today, my proud little peacocks. Remember ,avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. They may be in the middle of a race

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


everett strachan said...

The cat sez....where dem damn dere cookies be at den?

jack69 said...

Thanks for a good read. I think I know that sucker Leroy!
The Dr. just delivered the bad news, "YOu got Shingles", I am still looking for the truck!
Nite (this sucks) I can't nail down these shingles.