Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Day is tomorrow and I thank the armed forces members who defend this nation and the police and firefighters who are there for us in the time of emergencies. Take the time to thank a soldier, firefighter or policeman who work on Thanksgiving.

I wish all my readers and friends a very Happy Thanksgiving in this time of sharing.

The News As I See It: This Thanksgiving I'm feeling a little betrayed because it has just been revealed that the grocery store labels on the turkey mean very little. Fresh, young, natural....... Meaningless!

Apparently fresh turkey just means it's not fully frozen. Young turkey means they weren't allowed to die of old age and wild turkey means you're too drunk to care.

The point is it seems like the only ones you can trust these days are the good people at Butterball. They're all about helping you understand your turkey.

In fact, Butterball's been running a toll-free hotline for turkey-cooking tips since 1981. Every year, the turkey talk line receives more than 100,000 phone calls, but sadly, they have not been able to save one turkey's life.

This Date In History: 1758; The British captured Fort Duquesne (Pittsburgh) in the French and Indian Wars. 1783; The British evacuated New York City, their last military position, after the Revolutionary War.

1841; The slaves who seized the Amistad in 1839 were freed by the Supreme Court. They had been defended by former president John Quincy Adams. 1947; Movie executives blacklisted the "Hollywood Ten." 1986; Iran-Contra scandal broke.

1998; Jiang Zemin became the first Chinese head of state to visit Japan since World War II. 1999; Elian Gonzalez was rescued off the coast of Florida. 2002; President George W. Bush signed into law the Department of Homeland Security and named Tom Ridge as head.

Picture Of The Day: Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I read an article listing five ways to prevent divorce. "Don't get married" wasn't on there. Neither was "murder." Stupid article..... 2) Back in the day, I went to meet my daughter's kindergarten teacher. Her name was Miss Cox. I wasn't mature enough to handle the situation. 3) Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can't remember the lyrics. 4) Did you "ask" her or "axe" her? Seriously, because one is murder. 5) I'm single with no kids. I don't answer to anyone. "Meow......meow!" ..... Okay! Okay! I'm opening the tuna now! Please don't shred the toilet paper again!.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - November 25th: Lifting heavy objects may cause you pain later today. "Head Lice!" is not something to be screamed in terror at the local bus stop. Time and time again you are asked to wait outside the room while the "adults" discuss your situation. Gift horses always happen to those who least expect it.

Birthdays: Andrew Carnegie, industrialist and philanthropist 1835, Carry Moore Nation, temperance advocate 1846, Pope John XXIII, religious leader 1881, Virgil Thomson, composer 1896, Ba Jin, modern novelist 1904, Joseph DiMaggio, professional baseball player 1914, Ricardo Montalban, actor 1920, John Larroquette, actor 1947, John F. Kennedy, Jr. publisher, lawyer 1960, Amy Grant, pop musician 1960.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A guy spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn’t back off, he asked her name. She replied. "Carmen." The guy said, "That’s a beautiful name. Who named you?" She answered, "I named myself."

The guy said, "That’s interesting. Why Carmen?" Carmen said, "Because I like cars and I like men." Looking directly into his eyes she asked, "So what’s your name?" He replied, "Beertits."

A man walked into a bar and after a couple of drinks, said to the bartender, "I’ve got a great Polish joke."

The bartender glared and warned him, "Before you go telling that joke, I I think you ought to know that I’m Polish, the two bouncers on the door are Polish and most of my customers are Polish."

The man replies, "Okay, I’ll tell it slowly."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it's slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the surface over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune....., the store manager sees her and unplugs the electric horse.

Tom bought a new Ford truck. He returned it to the dealer the next day because he couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated.

The technician said to the radio, "Nelson." The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?" The technician said, "Willie!" and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers. Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant, "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

Tom drove away happy and for the next few days, every time he'd say, "Beethoven", he'd get beautiful classical music and if he said, "Beatles", he'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed Tom's new truck, but Tom swerved in time to avoid him. He yelled, "Asshole!" Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

That's it for today, my little turkey gobblers. Remember, spiders are nature's reminder that you are, in fact, a little girl. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and more on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU TOO. Thanks for a fun read. BTW I do agree with Tom's new Ford Truck!