Friday, November 20, 2015
Who Will Be The Nascar Champion This Weekend?
This weekend is the Nascar championships at Homestead-Miami Speedway with all three titles on the line. The four finalists racing for the crown are Kyle Bush, Jeff Gordon, Kevin Harvick and Martin Truax, all of whom can win the race.
The Xfinity championship race will be run on Saturday afternoon and the Camping World Truch championship will be decided later tonight.
For Nascar fans, this is not news, but for those of you who have never been to or seen a race, this weekend will be exciting.
For example, two of the favorites who were contending for the championship did not reach the final four due to on track wrecks in previous races, ostentibly caused by each other.
In the Texas race, Joey Logano (#22) was chasing Matt Kennseth (#20). Kennseth was blocking (which is legal) when Logano decided that he had enough and knocked Kennseth out of the race.
The following week, Kennseth had a racing crash with Logano team member Brad Kezelowski, thus eliminating any chance Kennseth had to earn enough points to continue in the championship.
After repairs to Matt Kenseth's car in the pits, Matt came back on the track and a few laps later, he put Joey Logano into the wall, paying him back for his actions at Texas and virtually eleminating Logano from the championship. Karma !
The News As I See It: In his recent interview with GQ, Obama said that he'd like to own an NBA team after he leaves the White House. You'll know it's Obama's team when it takes the players five years to pass something.
Hillary Clinton recently decided to make her MySpace page "private" so people can no longer see some of her old campaign ads. When somebody told her she can just delete it, Hillary said, "I’m not fallin' for that again!"
Bobby Jindal announced that he is dropping out of the race for president. I guess that after talking it over with family and friends, he realized that even they didn't know he was running for president.
Bernie Sanders will deliver a speech tomorrow, which pundits say will seek to clarify his identity as a Democratic socialist. He’ll explain that "Democratic" means he believes everyone should have an equal say, and "socialist" means he’s not getting elected.
Radio Shack just announced they will be celebrating Black Friday on Wednesday. Mostly because Radio Shack’s worried they won’t be around on Friday.
This Date In History: 1789; New Jersey became the first state to ratify the Bill of Rights. 1910; Francisco Madero began an armed revolt against the president of Mexico, Porfirio Diaz.
1945; The war crimes trials of 24 German World War II leaders began in Nuremberg, Germany. 1947; The future Queen Elizabeth II married Philip Mountbatten, Duke of Ediburgh.
1962; President John F. Kennedy agreed to lift the American blockade of Cuba, ending the Cuban missile crisis. 1975; Spain's General Francisco Franco died. 2000 Peru's president Alberto Fujimori resigned.
Picture Of The Day: The Sprint Cup Trophy will belong to one of the four contenders in Sunday's Championship race.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Every time my girlfriend stays over, we reenact the last scene from Titanic. She hogs the bed while I'm on the side hanging on for dear life. 2) It's unfair to put your toddler on a leash if you're not going to also let them pee on parked car tires. 3) I read that four years after pregnancy, thirty-eight percent of all moms still were not drinking. I think it's safe to say this survey was not done on Facebook. 4) My girlfriend told me my analogies didn't make any sense. It made me feel like a biscuit in an elevator. 5) There's been a rash of break ins recently involving teenage boys, so I replaced out all the locks in my home with bra clasps.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - November 20th: Be aware that all lines are not necessarily for amazingly happy things like roller coasters. Some are for terribly bad things like tax returns. So even though everyone appears to be in love with the same person and you see yourself as being at the back of that line, it might be a blessing.
Birthdays: Kenesaw Mountain Landis, jurist and commissioner of baseball 1866, Norman M. Thomas, socialist leader 1884, Edwin Hubble, astronomer 1889, Alexandra Danilova, ballerina, teacher 1903, Alistair Cooke, journalist, broadcaster 1908, Robert C Byrd, Senator 1917, Nadine Gordimer, writer 1923, Robert F. Kennedy, Former Attorney General 1925, Richard Dawson, actor 1932, John Bolton, American ambassador 1948.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live.
Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation and tummy tuck. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it.
After a week, she walks out of the hospital and is killed crossing the street by an ambulance. She arrives in front of God and complains, "I thought you said I had another 30 years?!" God replies, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you."
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil. Satan asks, "Why so glum?" The guy says, "What do you think? I'm in hell!" Satan says, "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here."
Satan says, "You a drinking man?" The guy says, "Sure, I love to drink." Satan says, "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, you name it. We drink until we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway." The guy says,"That sounds great!"
Satan asks, "You a smoker?" The guy replies, "You better believe it." Satan says, "All right! You're gonna love Wednesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead." The guy says, "Wow...that's awesome!"
Satan says, "I bet you like to gamble" The guy answers, "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do." Satan: "Good, because Thursdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow." The guy says, "Cool! I never realized Hell was such a great place!"
Satan asks, "Are you gay?" The guy replies, "No..." Satan says, "Ooooh, Fridays are gonna be tough..."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother on the other hand was bad and did all the things that men should not do in life and didn't care who he hurt.
The bad brother died. He was still missed by his brother since he loved him despite his ways. Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there, and he was very happy.
One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn't seen him there. God said that He was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead. The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother.
So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other.
Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with you. It is so beautiful here, and I love it. But I don't understand."
He continued, "If my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment."
God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it, the blonde doesn't."
A seven-year-old and a fuve-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. The seven-year-old says, "You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing." The fuve-year-old nods his head in approval. The seven-year-old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The five-year-old agrees with enthusiasm. When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the six-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
Whack! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, then runs upstairs crying his eyes out, his mother in hot pursuit slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the five-year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do you want for breakfast, young man?" The five-year-old blubbers, "I don't know, but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
That's it for today, my little eaglets. Remember, legally, if a woman is wearing hoop earrings that are as big as the side of her face, you are allowed to shoot marsh mellows at the hoops. Personally, I'd preface that action by sending her a cocktail first. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !