Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Proposed Hillary Monument?
A committee has been formed to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary Clinton. They originally wanted to put her on Mount Rushmore until they discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.
They then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. They were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed.
It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside her husband Bill, who never told the truth, since Hillary could never tell the difference.
They finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been and did it all on someone else's money.
The News As I See It: Bernie Sanders, while campaigning this week in California, stopped at a Los Angeles bar popular among the LGBT community. Said Sanders, "No! I said I wanted a BLT! What's the 'G' for? It better not be guacamole because that costs an arm and a leg."
Sanders also checked out the famous carousel at the Santa Monica Pier. It got a little awkward when the music stopped and Bernie still wouldn't admit that the ride was over.
Donald Trump is continuing to draw criticism for his claims that Judge Gonzalo Curiel's Mexican heritage makes him unfit to preside over a lawsuit against Trump University, despite the fact that Curiel was born and raised in Indiana. Apparently, the fact that Curiel is also is a member of the La Raza Lawyers of San Diego doesn't matter. La Raza is a Spanish hate group.
This Date In History: 1845; Andrew Jackson, the 7th president of the United States, died in Tennessee. 1861; Tennessee became the 11th and last state to secede from the Union. 1968; James Earl Ray, Martin Luther King, Jr.'s, assassin, was arrested.
1982; President Reagan became the first American president to address a joint session of Britain’s Parliament. 1983; Negro Baseball League great Satchel Paige died. 2001; Tony Blair and his Labour Party won a second term, overwhelming the opposition at the polls.
Picture Of The Day: Hillary may have to give it up to Bernie for his backing.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Some of the new cell phones can only be opened using a fingerprint scanner. Great, now when they rob me and steal my cell phone, they'll cut off my finger so that they can use the phone. 2) I went to the bank this morning and after inserting my bankcard, the ATM asked, "Is it in yet?" That's not funny ATM. 3) I get high before I get my Drivers License picture taken. That way I look normal if I'm pulled over. 4) Everybody values honesty until they have an ugly baby. 5) I start, but rarely complete my paintings and song writing, for I am a master of the partial arts.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 8th: Damaging words reach your ears after a disagreement over a neighbor's pets. Damaging "poo" will be flung back across the garden fence if the issue is not resolved within the next few weeks.
The evidence for love is staring you in the face but you can't see the forest for the trees. If you find this is true for you, the best thing to do is to stop wandering into forests.
Birthdays: Robert Schumann, composer 1810, Frank Lloyd Wright, American architect 1867, Virginia Randolph, educator 1874, Barbara Bush, former first lady 1925, Leroy Neiman, painter and printmaker 1927, Scott Adams, cartoonist 1957.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Bambi, a blonde in her third year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her U.S. government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question, then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?" The man replies, "Oh, she's my mistress." His wife says "Well, that's the last straw. I've had enough and I want a divorce!"
Her husband says, "I can understand that, but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean that we'll have to sell the mansion, no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. His wife asks "Who's that woman with Jim?" The husband replies "That's his mistress". The wife says, "Ours is prettier."
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. The little boy yelled, "There's a car being towed from the parking lot." A few moments passed by and the little boy yelled, "An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments later, he called out. "Looks like the Anderson's have company. Matt's riding a new bike." A bit later, he yelled. "Looks like the Sanders are moving. Jason is on his skate board."
After a few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex."
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sex?" The little boy yelled back, "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a popsicle, too."
That's it for today, my little orange blossoms. Remember, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're obligated to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.
More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !