Friday, June 10, 2016

Please Do Not Feed The Alligators

Alligator attacks are usually the result of animals who have either become accustomed to people and/or been fed by same. I've both swam and fished with gators and they are not aggressive unless it's a mating season or the mother 'gator is guarding a nest.

This is not to say I would dive in next to a large male. Half the time, I didn't realize they were that close until I got out of the water. I have, however, been wading in a waist deep swamp with three bass tied to my belt loop and cast to the same log three times.

The fourth time, the log opened it's eyes, I turned to wade away and stepped into a hole. I came up with seaweed all over my head, screaming like a school girl. When I got to shore, I turned and looked back and the alligator was hauling ass in the other direction.

Common sense is the biggest asset in the wild. If you want to take a picture of a grizzly bear, use a telescopic lens. Getting too close to a bear to take pictures is dangerous for both you and the bear as the bear doesn't digest cameras well.

The same bodes well for all wildlife. You are in their world. Use caution and give them space and you'll be fine.

The News As I See It: Obama has a lot going on as he wraps up his term in office, including the construction of his presidential library in Chicago. It will be a place devoted entirely to Obama and his achievements — or as that’s also known, MSNBC.

Hillary Clinton told supporters last night that her status as the Democratic nominee is thanks to the generations who struggled and sacrificed before her. "You're welcome," said Bernie Sanders.

Bernie Sanders is planning on cutting half of his campaign staff. Bernie said, "I'm saving money by only keeping the most delusional."

Hillary has more votes and delegates and superdelegates and states, Bernie Sanders still isn't giving up. He says he will continue to fight. He's like one of those old Japanese guys on an island who thinks the war is still going on.

This Date In History: 1801; The Tripolitan War, between the United States and the Barbary States, began. 1865; Wagner's opera, Tristan and Isolde, premiered in Munich. 1935; Alcoholics Anonymous was founded by "Bill W."

1942; The entire male population of the Czech village of Lidice was massacred in retaliation for the death of Nazi official Reinhard Heydrich. 1946; Italy replaced its monarchy with a republic.

1967; The Six-Day War between Israel and Syria, Egypt, and Jordan ended. 1978; Affirmed won the Belmont Stakes and the Triple Crown. 2003; Ontario, Canada issued the first full same-sex marriage licenses in North America.

Picture Of The Day: My friend Ryan Jay, Firefighter, Paramedic Wildlife Guide and, oh yeah, Master alligator hunter with a recent capture.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I first met my future ex-mother-in-law, I could already visualize the duct tape over her mouth. 2) I once asked my father why he had hair growing out of his ears. He told me that it's to drown out noise and I'd understand better once I got married. 3) If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate in the terminal. 4) Good luck to the 16 year old girl who is pregnant and wrote "California" for ethnicity on her clinic forms. 5) I thought I heard my cat walking down the hall because of his long claws. Then I realized I hadn't taken off his tap shoes since the photo shoot......and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 10th: Romance is definitely in the air this month, although you may find it clouded by other emotions or possibly, smells. You will finally understand why birds suddenly appear every time your lady friend walks near. I'm talking sardines here, people.....!

Birthdays: Gustave Courbet, painter 1819, Hattie McDaniel, singer and actress 1895, Saul Bellow, novelist 1915, Judy Garland, actress 1922, Robert Maxwell, business executive 1923, Tara Lipinski, figure skater 1982.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.

The woman said, "Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."

The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?" The woman replied, "On my balls."

A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he's retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him.

After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style." The city boy asks, "What's country style?"

The farmer says, "Out here in the country," the farmer says, When two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin' wins the dispute."  

Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he's ever felt, crying like a baby and coughing up blood.

Finally he staggers to his feet and says, "All right, now it's my turn." The farmer grins and says. "Naw, you win. Keep the duck."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.

They stood there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"The other one looks at him and says, "Well, if I were you, I think I'd pet him first."

The teacher asked Catherine, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" Catherine replied, "I would give houses to all the people who are homeless or receive welfare." The teacher said, "You'd be a perfect candidate for the democratic party."

The teacher continued, ''What a worthy goal you have there, Catherine, but you don't have to wait until you're President. You can start now by coming over to my house and cleaning up all the dog poop in my back yard and I will pay you five dollars. Then, we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy on welfare hangs out and you can give him the five dollars."

Catherine thought that over for a second and replied, "Why doesn't the homeless guy just come over and clean up the dog poop and you can pay him the five dollars?" The teacher said, "Ah, Welcome to the Republican Party."

That's it for today, my little goslings. Remember, you might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but you can buy beer. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Good advice of course. I have only about 20 yrs in Florida, but I learned to talk to the gators in my back yard pretty fast, I stood on the porch to talk, instead of going out and running 'em off.

Like the picture of the day, but I would feel better if Ryan would go ahead and cuff the dude.