Wednesday, June 29, 2016

The Adventures Of Samantha And Scooter Continue

When we last left the dynamic duo, Samantha was warming up to the impertinent Scooter, including some play between the two. That is, until yesterday, when Scooter decided to try to play with Samantha as she was trying to do her business in the litter box.

There was Sam, in the "go" position, concentrating on her mission and there was Scooter, who decided to get into the box with her. Sam tried ignoring the little imp, but his constant persistence left her somewhat perplexed.

I sympathized with Samantha as I have had a delivery man knock on my door while I was on the throne and the question arises, "Do I try to stop or do I continue on my mission."

So there sat Sam, face contorted and well on her way to complete the mission and right behind her (I mean RIGHT behind her) sat Scooter, seemingly puzzled by the situation.

Exasperated, Sam looked over at me me with a confused look which seemed to say, "I really don't know whether to shit or go blind."

Sam successfully completed her mission and with a snide glance at Scooter, gracefully exited the litter box.

The News As I See It: Democrats said the committee investigating Hillary Clinton’s involvement with Benghazi was a "witch hunt." Hillary tried to respond, but a house fell on her.

In Britain, 90-year-old Queen Elizabeth told reporters, "I’m still alive." It was in response to the question, "What’s the first thing you tell Prince Charles every day?"

Tourists visiting New York City are being warned about "fake monks" on the street who wear orange robes and demand money. Here's a quick tip - if they stab you.....fake monk.

For the first time ever, the Miss America Pageant is going to have a gay contestant, Miss Missouri. It will also have its first bi contestant, Miss North and South Dakota.

On stage, in Indianapolis, the Dalai Lama got a fit of the giggles. When asked why he said, "For decades people have been saying to me 'hello, Dalai' and I finally got it."

This Date In History: 1613; London's Globe Theatre burned down during a performance of Shakespeare's Henry VIII. 1767; The British Parliament approved the Townshend Acts.

1972; The Supreme Court ruled in Furman v. Georgia that the death penalty could constitute "cruel and unusual" prompting some states to revise their laws.

1995; The shuttle Atlantis and the Russian space station Mir docked, forming the largest man-made satellite ever to orbit Earth. 2003; Actress Katharine Hepburn died.

Picture Of The Day: No rhyme, no reason, I just liked this picture.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I'm not sure if I washed the spider down the drain in my shower or if he took one look at me naked and then leaped willingly to his death. 2) To those people who don't have a name for their newborn: What the hell were you doing for the past nine months? 3) I find it strange how, after they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together, the King's men thought, "Let's give the horses a shot at it." 4) Girls love guys with tattoos because it means the guys are willing to commit to something stupid for the rest of their lives. 5) I apologize for picking up your pug and running him in for a touchdown.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Cancer - June 29th: The legend of the baked beans may trouble you today as last night's meal tries to catch up with this week. Today is not the day to guess whether it's gas or you need to go the the bathroom. It will become apparent today that you are becoming your father as you ask your small child to pull your finger.

Birthdays: George Goethals, engineer 1858, George Ellery Hale, astronomer 1868, James Van Der Zee, photographer 1886, Antoine de Saint Exupéry, aviator 1900, Slim Pickens, actor, cowboy 1919.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband, "I just silently passed gas - what do you think I should do?" He replied, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Being the romantic sort, a woman sent her husband a text, which read:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you xx."

Her husband replied, "I'm taking a shit. What should I do?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: I was in West Palm Beach the other day and I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: "I miss Chicago."

So, I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two tires, slapped on an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that read, "I hope this helps!"

A Union shop foreman walks into a bar and is about to order a drink to celebrate Obama's presidency when he sees a guy close by wearing a "Romney for President" button and two beers in front of him. He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican.

So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Republican." Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.

This infuriates the union official. The union captain once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The union thug once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The union guy asks the bartender, "What the hell is the matter with that Republican? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly idiot does is smile and thanks me. Is he nuts?" The bartender responds, "Nope, he owns the place."

That's it for today, my little peacocks. Remember, women do not know that it's perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car? I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

And Scooter said, "Well I'll be $hit!"

Some good lines, I did laugh out loud at 'hello, Dalai' .