Friday, August 19, 2016
Nascar Night Racing At Bristol Motor Speedway
Bedlam...chaos. It's about the only way you can describe 40 cars racing around a banked, half mile track at high speed for 500 laps. It's been compared to fighter jets flying in a gymnasium. Fender rubbing, crashes, every man for himself short track racing.
The infinity series will race tonight, a prelude to tomorrow night's 500 lap race. But don't let the word "prelude" fool you. Tonight's race will be just as intense as tomorrow night's race and I guarantee you that every driver in tomorrow night's race will be watching how the cars handle.
The track has been changed a bit as the inside groove has been recondition to encourage more racing on the bottom. So, every driver will be going to school on the changes.
Because of the Rio Olympics, tonight's race will be televised on the USA channel at 7:30 pm and tomorrow night's race will be on NBCSN at 8 pm. If you've never seen Nascar short track racing, this weekend will be a great time to watch.
The heaviest element known to science is Congressarium. This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus composed of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going round in circles.
There are two types on Congressarium. One has has a half-life of two years and the other has a half life of six years. It slowly decays but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization. Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.
The News As I See It: According to a new study, millennials are having significantly less sex than previous generations. It seems logical to me. With the morons running around trying to catch Pokémon, I'm shocked they aren't getting any action.
This Date In History: 1812; The U.S. frigate Constitution, Old Ironsides, defeated the British ship Guerriere during the War of 1812. 1934; Germans voted to make Adolf Hitler Fuhrer
1960; American U-2 pilot Francis Gary Powers was convicted of espionage in Moscow. 1977; Comedian Groucho Marx died in Los Angeles at age 86.
2003; U.N. special representative Sergio Vieira de Mello was one of 22 killed when a suicide car bomb struck the UN's Baghdad headquarters.
Picture Of The Day: The night will be exciting.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When most men get married, they learn that they had thousands of faults they didn't even know about. 2) When a man and a woman are having sex and they finish at the same exact time, is it wrong to say, "Jinx, you owe me a coke?" 3) My friend asked me that if he was going to make a parachute jump, how high should he be? I told him three days of steady drinking ought to do it.
4) Many chose the path less traveled, but most of them are mainly just lost. 5) The principle differences between a philosophy student, an engineering student and a liberal arts student is that the philosophy student asks, "Why?", the engineering student asks, "How?" and the liberal arts student asks, "Do you want fries with that?".....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Leo - August 19th: Avoid all sexy language until after your lunch break. Remember that love comes in all shapes and sizes. Unfortunately, by the time you get to yours, all the good shapes and sizes will have gone.
Birthdays: John Dryden, poet, dramatist, and critic 1631, Orville Wright, aviation pioneer 1871, Coco Chanel, fashion designer 1883, Ogden Nash, poet 1902, Malcolm Forbes, publisher 1919, Willie Shoemaker, jockey 1931, William Jefferson Clinton William, 42nd President of the United States 1946, Matthew Perry, actor 1969.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his flying days during the war. He says, "In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force."
He continued, "I remember, one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these two fokkers appeared. I looked up, and right above me was one of them and I shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me."
At this moment, the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh. The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company" The pilot says, "That's true, but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidt's."
A famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know why men always want to marry a virgin?" To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "No matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. Let's have a cup of coffee, then let's put all these Frosted Flakes back into the box."
A man was eating lunch with his 10-year-old Granddaughter and he asked her, "How are you doing in school?" The little girl said, "I'm doing great. We're learning about the new holiday, "President Obama Day" that occurs on June 1st.
Her grandfather said, "President's Day is in February. What does President Obama Day mean?" She replied, "I know. We've studied the February date, but this is a new holiday. President Obama Day is when Obama steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow, we will have one more year of unemployment."
That's it for today, my little teddy bears. Remember, there is nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !