Friday, August 26, 2016
The Spicoli Syndrome: Hollywood Political Views
Movie studios make about 600 movies a year. A few are good, most are garbage. Yet, they spout their liberal views and most conservatives get blacklisted if they disagree. Hollywood should concentrate on making a decent movie, not politics.
Every new movie ad is replete with guns, zombies, explosions, car crashes and, more importantly, the certainty of a mindless plot (id est, young people will love it).
Toyota and General Motors decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.
A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.
Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.
Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program" with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.
The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.
Sadly.....The End. Sad, but oh so true! Here's something else to think about:
Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US, claiming they can't make money paying American wages. Toyota has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US The last quarter's results: Toyota makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses. Ford folks are still scratching their heads.
The News As I See It: Jennifer Lawrence was just named the world’s highest paid actress, bringing in $46 million last year before taxes. Yep, she narrowly beat out the world’s second highest paid actress...Hillary Clinton.
According to Hillary’s newly-released medical records, she suffers from seasonal allergies. But she just takes some Benadryl and they’re all deleted.
Experts say Hillary’s campaign strategy is to ignore the controversies and just run out the clock. By the way, that also happens to be Hillary Clinton’s marital strategy.
Donald Trump first came out with guns blazing, saying he's going to kick all the Mexicans out, he's going to build a wall to keep them from coming back in. Last night during a town hall on Fox News he said he could be softening, which is normal, it happens to a lot of men his age.
Trump is not only reaching out to the Hispanic vote, he's been reaching out to the black community. He says he loves African-Americans. In fact, some of his best credit cards are black.
Journalists have tried contacting Hillary about this damaging email development. Unfortunately, they keep getting auto-replies that say, "Sorry, I am out of the Oval Office until January."
Olympian Ryan Lochte lost all four of his endorsement deals following his Rio robbery scandal. In fact he’s so desperate for money, he’s actually considering robbing a gas station.
An ex-NFL quarterback was arrested after being found naked with meth and marijuana. In other words, he’s back in the NFL.
This Date In History: 1847; Liberia was proclaimed an independent republic. 1920; The 19th Amendment giving women the right to vote went into effect.
1939; The first televised major league baseball game was televised: a double-header between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the Cincinnati Reds.
1974; Aviator Charles Lindbergh, the first man to fly solo, nonstop across the Atlantic, died. 1978; John Paul I became Pope of the Roman Catholic Church. He died one month later.
Picture Of The Day: Transparency.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) She hated my mixed-tape back in college. Last month, she gave birth to her ninth baby. Thanks for saving my life, Depeche Mode. 2) The real 5 second rule is that if you can get to it before the dog does, it's yours. 4 3) My new answering service recording: "Hello telemarketers and collection agencies. Your call is very important to me. Please leave a message after this enjoyable 30 minute flute solo." 4) I get high before I get my drivers license picture taken. That way, I look normal if I'm pulled over. 5) It's now politically correct to award kids trophies for last place. On a related note, "trophy wife" has become rather ambiguous.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope:Virgo - August 26th: Your brother is heavy, no matter what you hear on the radio. The end is growing nearer but, according to the stars, you've still got plenty of time. If you never liked asparagus before, try it again. I still think it tastes like shit, but your tastes may have changed.
Birthdays: Antoine Laurent Lavoisier, chemist 1743, Peggy Guggenheim, art patron and collector 1898, Albert Sabin, physician and microbiologist 1906, Mother Teresa, Roman Catholic missionary 1910, Julio Cortázar, writer 1914, Macaulay Culkin, actor 1980.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little replied, "Then you ask him."
An aging grandmother tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, the farmhouse and $24,548,750 in cash."
The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are so generous! I didn’t even know you had a farm. Where is it?" Grandma whispered, "Facebook…"
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem! Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a leak, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour because my pee barely trickles out."
The 75-year-old said, "Heck, that's nothing. Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a crap, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible."
The 80-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse and at 8:30 I crap like there's no tomorrow."
One of the younger man said, "That's great, then you have no problems." The 80-year-old replied, "Yes, I do! I don't wake up 'til eleven."
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. The angel said, "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question. The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word. The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?" The Angel replied, "Sorry, Dolly, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
That's it for today, my little pet rocks. Remember, everybody values honesty until they have an ugly baby. The pending possible hurricane notwithstanding, I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !