Odds And Ends...... Mostly Odds !

The moron(s) who run this country have decided to try the terrorists being held at Guantanamo in New York City. The Obama administration said Friday that it would prosecute Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the self-described mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks, in a Manhattan federal courtroom.

The decision, announced by Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr., could mean one of the highest-profile and highest-security terrorism trials in history would be set just blocks from where hijackers for Al Qaeda destroyed the World Trade Center, killing nearly 3,000 people. Holder said he would instruct prosecutors to seek death sentences for Mohammed and four accused September 11 co-conspirators who would be tried alongside him.

Why this decision has been made boggles my mind. The terrorists should be tried at Guantanamo Bay under military law. The fact that they are being brought to the United States, in and of itself, insults me. Al Qaeda suspects do not deserve the protections afforded by the American criminal justice system and bringing them into the United States would heighten the risk of another terrorist attack. The civilian trials will increase the risk of disclosing classified information and the dangers posed by the trial will only weigh more on the the people of New York City.

Perhaps when Obie finally finishes bowing down to the Japanese Emperor and visiting all of the American money in Chinese banks, he will take the time to re-weigh this ignorant decision. You'd think that after his awkward bow to the Saudi King and the ensuing public anger that followed, he would have checked with his protocol people to figure out how to respond. Then again, probably not....

The News As I See It: Jesse Jackson has added former Chicago Democrat Congressman Mel Reynolds to the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition's payroll. Reynolds was among the 176 criminals excused in President Clinton's last-minute forgiveness spree. Reynolds received a commutation of his six-and-a-half-year federal sentence for 15 convictions of wire fraud, bank fraud, and lies to the Federal Election Commission.

Reynolds is more notorious, however, for concurrently serving five years for sleeping with an underage campaign volunteer. This is a first in American politics: An ex-congressman who had sex with a subordinate won clemency from a president who had sex with a subordinate and then was hired by a clergyman who had sex with a subordinate! His new job? Youth Counselor. Is this a great country or what? http://www.snopes.com/politics/sexuality/reynolds.asp

President Obama's approval rating is down to 46 percent. That means 54 percent of the people do not approve of the job he's doing, which I think is totally unfair. We should at least wait until he actually does something. Obama is traveling to Asia this week. He'll be making a trip to China. While he's there, Obama plans to visit the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, and America's money.

Remember Lisa Nowak, the crazy astronaut lady who put on a diaper and drove cross country? Nowak was later charged with attempted kidnapping and agreed this week to a plea agreement that will keep her out of jail. She said she was in love with another astronaut and has apologized. See? That's what happens when you mix vodka and tang.

And finally, A middle school in North Carolina has caused some controversy, because they were offering to improve test scores for cash donations. For a $20 donation, kids could get an increase of 20 points on any test they chose. It was called the "Cash from Flunkers" program.

This Date In History: 1864; General Sherman and his troops began their "March to the sea" during the Civil War. 1907; Oklahoma became the 46th state. 1933; The United States and the Soviet Union established diplomatic relations. 1973; President Nixon signed the bill authorizing the construction of the Trans-Alaska Pipeline. 2004; President George W. Bush nominated Condoleezza Rice to replace Colin Powell as secretary of state.

Picture Of The Day: Ok, the chicken picture doesn't really match today's pictures, but it made me laugh and it's my journal. The remainder of the pictures are landscapes that struck me and I thought you might enjoy them as well.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Just think...If the Indians had given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey, we would all be having a piece of ass this Thanksgiving. 2) My buddy told me that he's getting Social Security sex....you know, a little each month, but not enough to live on! 3) I remember asking a lady friend who had just questioned my carpentry ability if she even knew the difference netween a nail, a screw and a bolt. She said, "Well, I can't really say that I know, 'cause I've never been 'bolted'." 4) George W. Bush is our first President for whom English is a second language. I don't think he has a first language. 5) If you are missing large portions of your time, that is a sign that you have been abducted by aliens. Either that, or you have been watching too much television.....and that's five!

Birthdays W. C. Handy, songwriter 1873, George S. Kaufman, dramatist and journalist 1889, Burgess Meredith, actor 1907, Jose Saramago, novelist 1922, Chinua Achebe, writer 1930, Elizabeth Drew, journalist 1935, Robert Nozick, political philosopher 1938, Maggie Gyllenhaal, actress 1977.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: An old man walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, "I'd like to by some Viagra. Can you cut them into quarters?' The pharmacists says, " I can cut them into quarters if you like, but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection."

The old man said, "I'm 92 years old. I don't want an erection. I just want it sticking out enough so that I don't piss on my slippers."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt and my pals Garnett, Tom S and Victor for their contributions to today's stories.

A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned that somebody would need to make a positive identification. That task fell to George's two friends, Murray and Arthur. Murray looked at the body and said, "He's burnt pretty bad, all right. Roll him over." He looked at the dead man's buttocks and said, "Nope, that ain't George."

Thinking the incident strange, the mortician straightened up the body and said nothing. He brought in Arthur who exclaimed, "Wow, he's burnt to a crisp. Roll him over." He looked and said, "Nope, that ain't George." The mortician said, "How can you tell?" Arthur answered, "George had two assholes."

The mortician said, "What? How could he have two assholes?" Arthur said, "Everybody knew George had two assholes. Whenever the three of us would go into town, people would say, 'Here comes George with those two assholes!'"

An older man who worked away from home all week always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning, he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time. Just he and his granddaughter.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather. He asked, "Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?" The little girl replied, "Oh yes, Grandpa and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard, dip shit or horse's ass anywhere we went today!"

*Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?*

At the urinal, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands clear up to his elbows. He used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Texas and they taught us not to piss on our hands."

That's it for today my little swizzle sticks. Remember, the day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !