Time For A Reality Check

Halloween's over and reality, as it is wont to do, has returned in full force. It was interesting to hear Obama expound today on how well the economy is rebounding after the "stimulus package" and the government bailouts.

With those words in mind, I read in today's financial news that CIT Group, the giant small business lender, filed for a "pre-packaged bankruptcy" Sunday night carrying some $71 billion in assets, after last ditch attempts to avert such an outcome failed. The development will keep the doors open at the 101-year-old small business lender, but there will be heavy losses, including, most likely, $2.3 billion in taxpayer bailout funds which will never be collected. CIT's bankruptcy filing will be the fifth largest in U.S. history, after Lehman Brothers, Washington Mutual, Worldcom and General Motors.

The government is also spending our tax dollars on the new "Obama phone" which provides eligible families a FREE new phone and approximately 70 minutes of FREE minutes every month. Before you become all excited about this concept, if you have a job and pay taxes, chances are you don't qualify. Evidently, the concept of God, family, and hard work have flown out the window and are being replaced with "Hope and Change" and "Change we can believe in."

While I think it's a good idea to provide anyone a phone that will dial 911 or their home, I think any additional minutes for idle chatter is a bit much. You can click on the link below to read more about the "Obama phone." https://www.safelinkwireless.com/EnrollmentPublic/home.aspx

The new Navy assault ship USS New York, built with World Trade Center steel, arrived in its namesake city Monday with a 21-gun salute near the site of the 2001 terrorist attack. First responders, families of Sept. 11 victims and the public gathered Monday at a waterfront viewing area, where they could see the crew standing at attention along the deck of the battleship gray vessel.

The News As I See It: Halloween has come and gone and most adults are happy about that, especially after the "adult" parties. The White House always distributes candy to the children on Halloween and the president and first lady distributed over 2,000 gift bags this year. In past years, the Bush administration did the same thing and even included the old ritual of bobbing for apples or, as Dick Cheney calls it, "apple boarding." The Social Security Administration recently announced there will be no cost of living increase for senior citizens. Social Security is the government's most popular program. A couple of years ago, President Bush wanted to privatize Social Security and put all the money in the stock market. That would have been be like hiring Michael Vick to look after your dog!

Barack Obama's new "Spread the Wealth" pencil sharpener will be mailed to every US taxpayer with the new 2009 IRS tax forms. It's free to everyone who is employed and who will be paying for someone else.
Be watching for yours in your mail box, soon!

This Date In History: 1698; Scottish settlers arrive in Panama as part of the disastrous Darién Venture to create a Scottish colony on the isthmus of Central America. 1917; The Balfour Declaration is issued, stating that Great Britain is in favour of a Jewish national home in Palestine.

1947; Howard Hughes test-flies the Spruce Goose, one of the largest aeroplanes ever constructed, in its one-and-only flight. 1950; George Bernard Shaw, Irish-born dramatist, activist, and Nobel laureate, dies aged 94.

Picture Of The Day: Today's picture of the day is a taste of an entry I have in mind for the upcoming days. Animal pirates is the basic idea but with some hopefully interesting social and political applications.

The words "pirate" and "monkey" can each describe a variety of things but when combined, have an excellent use, double entendre notwithstanding.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) It dawned on me today to tell you that if you have a particular song or artist that you'd like me to add to my music playlist, please let me know in your comments and I will add them. 2) Do ten millipedes equal one centipede? 3) One of my pals used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got him fired. 4) Most nudists are people you don't want to see naked. 5) They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken....and that's five !

Birthdays: Edward V, uncrowned king of England 1470, Daniel Boone, American pioneer 1734, Marie Antoinette, Queen Consort (1774-1792) of Louis XVI of France 1755, James Polk, 11th president of the United States 1795, Warren G. Harding, 29th president of the United States 1865, Burt Lancaster, American actor 1913.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. She looked off into the distance at least three minutes and then she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Kay and Victor for their contributions to today's stories.

This guy was lonely so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar for a drink. So, he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's place with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time, this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"

A little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!"

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. The frog says, "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure, I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant about an inch tall and perfectly formed. Confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this tiny porcelain elephant as collateral." She holds up the tiny elephant and says, "What in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are....)

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin, and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have sex." After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge for his humiliation. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time, a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate.

Although he survived, it did take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods and he managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

That's it for today my little pickle packers. Remember, guns don't kill people but postal workers do! More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !