Monday, November 9, 2009

What A Weird Week !

From CNN's Jack Cafferty:

Don't cancel your existing health insurance just yet. Health care reform narrowly passed the House late Saturday night; but it's a long, long way from a done deal in the Senate. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is comparing this legislation, which passed by a scant five votes, to the passage of Social Security and Medicare; and President Obama says he looks forward to signing it into law by the end of the year. Not so fast...

One top Senate Republican, Lindsay Graham of South Carolina, is already declaring the bill "dead in the water." Here's why: What happens to the so-called public option? Harry Reid still doesn't have the votes to pass that. And Republicans along with Independent Joe Lieberman are promising a filibuster if the public option stays.

The House bill costs hundreds of billions of dollars more than the latest Senate version; which means the Senate could wind up cutting expensive parts of the bill - like a requirement for employers to provide coverage. Another huge difference between the bills is how to pay for reform.

And what about abortion funding? At the last minute, the House passed an amendment that prohibits federal funds from going to insurance plans that offer abortion coverage. For millions of women - this could mean the house bill breaks the promise that "if you like your current health care you can keep it."

This much you can count on. Anytime the House votes late on a Saturday night after last minute changes were made and the promise by Pelosi is broken to post the bill online for 72 hours before a final vote, it ain't good.

The opinions of Jack Cafferty and my opinions do not always correlate, but in this case, I agree with Cafferty. In the past, Caffert and I were usually on the same page, but during CNN's embarrassing Obama ass kissing during the presidential campaign, his opinions and views began do differ with mine more often.

It seems now that Cafferty, as well as CNN, are beginning to come out of their Obama coma and begin to look at issues with a more open and judging eye. This idea seems to confuse most of the media now days as non-biased reporting seems to be a new concept.

The U.S. Supreme Court has refused to block Tuesday's scheduled execution of sniper mastermind John Allen Muhammad. Muhammad is scheduled to die by injection at a Virginia prison for the slaying of Dean Harold Meyers at a gas station during a three-week spree in 2002 across Maryland, Virginia and Washington, D.C.

Muhammad and his teenage accomplice, Lee Boyd Malvo, were also suspected of fatal shootings in other states, including Louisiana, Alabama and Arizona. Malvo is serving a life sentence.

Unlike the Swine Flu vaccine, we have sufficient drugs for lethal injections so have a nice trip Muhammed and tell Allah that Jimmy says "Hey."

The News As I See It: Sarah Palin's new book is coming out next month. It’s called, "Going Rogue." She’s already received a million dollars for the book. This weekend, she took that money and went shopping. She went to Bed, Bath and You Betcha.

Chrysler has announced a new logo that is going to appear on all of its cars. They hope it will boost sales. It should help, the logo is "Toyota."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters that although they lost the governorship in New Jersey and Virginia, Democrats were the real winners on election night. In a related story, scientists now say Botox can cause delusions. Voters in Breckenridge, Colorado, which is a ski resort town, passed a ballot measure legalizing marijuana. Well, pot smoking and skiing. What could go wrong there?

President Obama embarrassed his daughter Malia by revealing that she recently got a 73 on a science test. Then Malia embarrassed him by asking him how the governor's races in Virginia and New Jersey turned out. Obama met with Native-American tribal leaders last week, and they gave him the Indian name “He Who Cares.” Then they gave Vice President Joe Biden the Indian name “Big Chief Running Mouth.”

This Date In History: 1888; Jack the Ripper killed his last victim, Mary Jane Kelly. 1938; Nazis burned and looted temples and Jewish-owned stores and houses in Germany and Austria in what became known as Kristallnacht (Crystal Night - referring to broken glass on streets). 1953; Author-poet Dylan Thomas died in New York at age 39.

1965; A switch at a station near Niagara Falls failed. The Northeast and parts of Canada went dark for more than 13 hours. 1970; Former French president Charles De Gaulle died at age 79. 1989; Borders between East and West Germany were opened and the Berlin Wall began to be dismantled the next day.

Picture Of The Day: The idea of Sarah Palin writing a book is about as scary as the Democratic Health Plan. Then again, I never thought that the American public would have been so desperate as to vote for Obama.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) 99 percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name. 2) Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about kittens and puppies. 3) There is no reason that a man has to be in the delivery room while his wife is in labor unless the word "alimony" has a distinct meaning to him. 4) My ex-mother-in-law said she won't go to the discount proctologist any more because he did a half-assed job. 5) Over the years I've learned that anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability that you'll get it wrong.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Benjamin Banneker, mathematician, astronomer, surveyor 1731, Gail Borden, dairyman, surveyor, and inventor 1801, Elijah Lovejoy, abolitionist 1802, Ivan Turgenev, novelist 1818, Stanford White, architect 1853, Anne Sexton, poet 1928, Carl Sagan, American astronomer and popularizer of science 1934, David Duval, golfer 1971.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.

He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

An Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face and asks, "Mother, why is my older brother named Golden Eagle?" His mother answered, "Because the morning before he was conceived, a magnificent eagle flew over your father and I as we were walking."

The boy then asked, "Why is my sister named Running Deer"? His mother replied, "Well, your father and I were lying in the woods that night when a beautiful deer ran past us and disappeared into the night." The mother paused and said to her son, "Tell me, Two Dogs Humping, why are you so curious?"

A man and his wife were doing yard work. The husband said to his wife, "Gee, honey, your butt is as wide as the BBQ grill." The wife ignores his remark. A little later, the husband, measuring tape in hand, walked over to his wife. While she was bending over to tend to her flower bed, he measured her back side. "Honey, your butt IS as wide as the grill!" She again ignores his remark.

Later that night, while in bed, the husband began to feel amorous. He starts to hug her and stroke her until the wife said, "If you think I'm gonna fire up this grill for one little wiener, you're out of your mind!!"

Three Labrador retrievers - a black, brown, and yellow are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation. The yellow lab turns to the black and says, "So why are you here?" The black lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything-the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The yellow lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?" The black lab says, "Lethal injection."

The yellow lab then turns to the brown lab and asks, "Why are you here?" The brown lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch." The yellow lab asked, "So what are they going to do to you?" The dejected brown lab said, "Lethal injection."

The brown lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks what he's at the vet's office for. The yellow lab says, "I'm a humper. I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself I hopped on her back and started humping away."

The black and brown labs exchange a sad glance and say, "So, lethal injection for you too, huh?" The yellow lab says, "No, no, I'm here to get my nails clipped."

That's it for today my little turtle doves. Remember, life is not like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today may burn your ass tomorrow. More on Wednesday

Stay Tuned !


garnett109 said...

Have a great Week

Heli gunner Tom said...

I can understand how many Americans could be hood winked the first time with electing obama-- but now with all his lies, cheating, bribes and promise breaking, how stupid can we be ?? hey, I voted for the American who HAS a birth certificate!

Tom S

Rose said...

You had to mention chocolates right at the very end. I have been craving chocolate for a week and I've been good.........I will not buy them but if you want to deliver them to my door....that's a different story!


Anne said...

Gosh, I need to get my nails done are so darn funny! anne

Senorita said...

People think that Obama won because "it's time for a change" and "yes we can" and all that jazz.

But I am convinced Obama won thanks to Palin. If it weren't for Palin, McCain would probably be in office right now.

Paula said...

I didn't vote for that man. If it wasn't for your jokes I would be frown faced.

Joann said...

I liked Palin, but I have to agree with Senorita, if it weren't for her, I think McCain would have won that election. HOWEVER, I STILL don't understand WHY anyone couldn't see through Obama before they voted for him. GRRR!!

Julie said...

I like Palin

natalie said...

Dear Jimmy,
Thank you very much for your comments about the H1N1 shots!
I am particularly worried about that nasal shots because they have mercury in them...
I am a solid Lieberman fan from way back so thank you very much for mentioning my hero...
Please come back and visit me with comments at Lurkynat!I need comments for the veterans for Veterans Day! Puleeease!
funny jokes! love to Possum!huggggggggggs

Jeannette said...

A salute for a U.S. veteran from across the pond as we remember.