Monday, December 7, 2009

A Day To Remember !

On December 7, 1941, Japan attacked U.S. Naval forces in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. The unprovoked and unwise attack sank four U.S. Navy battleships and damaged four more. The Japanese also sank or damaged three cruisers, three destroyers, and one minelayer, destroyed 188 aircraft, and caused personnel losses of 2,402 killed and 1,282 wounded. The following day, December 8th, the United States declared war on Japan.

On August 6th, 1945, the U.S. repaid the Japanese for their cruel and unwise move and dropped the atomic bomb called "Little Boy" on the city of Hiroshima, followed by the detonation of the atomic bomb called "Fat Man" over the city of Nagasaki on August 9th. The two bombs killed over 200,000 Japanese.

While war is horrible and sometimes cruel, the threat of same keeps nations with bad intentions in their appropriate place, fearing the threat of reprisal. Lately, nations like Iran and North Korea taunt and flaunt themselves knowing full well the the United States will probably not attack them. The same holds true for the likes of the Taliban and Al Qaeda. I think that these nations and enemy combatants may fare better by leaving a sleeping dog lie.

Today is a day to remember the men and women of the armed forces, both past and present, who have made America a safer place to live.

The Italian court system is just about as proficient as the Italian army in World War II. The recent conviction of American college student Amanda Knox of murdering her British roommate attests to that. Knox was sentenced to 26 years in prison shortly after midnight Saturday.

There is little to no physical evidence linking Knox to the murder, and much to suggest that she's really only in jail because Italian authorities didn't want to back down and admit that their original theory of the case was bogus. They insist that Kercher was killed in a kinky sexual "misadventure'' with Knox, her Italian boyfriend, Raffaele Sollecito, and a drifter, Rudy Guede, who has confessed to the crime.

In court, Knox was painted as a slut and referred to as a "little she-devil.'' In court, they asked jurors to consider imagined dialogue between the victim and her killers. Italian prosecutors have a history of corruption and more recently, of fighting corruption and are regularly accused of pursuing various political agendas.

Personally, I have no idea if Ms. Knox is guilty or not, but what the Italian justice system regards as a "fair trial" is an international joke. I guess they have forgotten how Mussolini ran the nation in World War II.

The News As I See It: The Tiger Woods story continues to evolve and escalate, more and more and more (and more) women who aren't named Mrs. Woods have come into the fray claiming they've had affairs with the golf great. Last week there were three. But now, at least four (and maybe more) women have been thrown into the mix, some by their own admission and others by tabloid sources. It can be quite confusing, so many mistresses, so little time.

President Obozo hosted a jobs summit last week at the White House and he met with the CEOs of Google, FedEx and American Airlines. The CEO of Chrysler was late due to car trouble. Oprah Winfrey will sit down with the Obamas for Christmas at the White House, an Oprah prime-time special. I can't wait to see the ad - "Oprah, Obama, Jesus Christ - One night only on ABC" For the taping of the Christmas special, there will be dozens of Secret Service guys, sharp shooters, bomb-sniffing dogs and, of course, Obama will have protection too.

This Date In History: 1787; Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1917; The U.S. declared war on Austria-Hungary in World War I. 1941; The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. 1972; America's final moon mission, Apollo 17, blasted off from Cape Canaveral.

1975; Indonesia invaded East Timor, leading to a 25-year occupation. 1988; A 6.9 magnitude earthquake hit Armenia, killing 25,000. 2001; Taliban forces fled from Kandahar, their last stronghold in Afghanistan.

2002; Iraq formally declared to the UN that it had no weapons of mass destruction. 2004; Hamid Karzai was sworn in as Afghanistan's first popularly elected president.

Picture Of The Day: The Internet is awash in pictures from last week's news and it's difficult to chose between all the good ones. Of course, Tiger isn't the only one screwing anything that moves. David Letterman is running a close behind him.

Obviously, no one can compete with the champion, Bernie Madoff. Bedside's the many he porked, he even screwed his family. You'd think that his name alone would be an indication of his honesty. Madoff? Yeah, from the firm of Screwedem, Fleecedem and Madeoff (with your funds). Here's the best from today and I'll have more on Wednesday.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," you need professional help. What the hell happened to coffee, cream and sugar for a buck? 2) Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf". 3) Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. 4) I believe we have enough youth. How about a fountain of "smart"? 5) Competitive eating isn't a sport. ESPN televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting?.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Richard Warren Sears, merchant 1863, Willa Cather, novelist 1873, Ted Knight, actor 1923, Ellen Burstyn, actress 1932, Harry Chapin, songwriter, singer 1942, Larry Bird, basketball player 1956, Aaron Carter, singer 1987.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill:

Old Mrs. Sanders is reading a book when the phone rings. She answers the phone and a man says, "This is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

Mrs Sanders asks, "What do you mean?" Doctor Jones replies, "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which." Mrs. Sanders says, "That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" Dr. Jones says,"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

Mrs. Sanders asks, "Well, what am I supposed to do now?" Dr. Jones says, "The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

* Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work. *

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man was in a bar and needed a light for his cigarette. The man next to him pulled out a long, thin cigarette lighter such as the first man had never seen before. The first man asked the second man where he got it. The second man said, "There is a genie living in a bottle next to the river. If you go there and rub the bottle, the genie will grant you one wish."

The first man found the bottle near the river and rubbed it. The genie appeared and said, "I will grant you one wish." The man thinks for a while and says, "I want one million bucks." The genie says, "It is done. Go home and in one hour go look out of your window into your front yard." After an hour, the man looked outside and all he saw was ducks everywhere.

The man was irate. He went back to the bar and said to the man with the lighter, "I am so disgusted. I found the genie, but instead of one million bucks, that genie gave me one million ducks." The other man said, "You think you're disgusted. Do you honestly think I asked that genie for a nine-inch BIC?"

* "More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!" *

** Little Tommy, while pleased at his dog Snuffy's offer to share his doggie treat, was not much of a fan of "Beggin' Strips." **

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Among the boxes and old papers, she found a little lamp. She picked it up and wiped it off with her apron, when "POOF" out popped a Genie. "For extracting me from this lamp, I will grant you three wishes" proclaimed the Genie.

The woman thought for a moment and said, "I wish I was the most beautiful 20 year old woman in the world, I wish I had more money than I knew what to do with, and I wish you would turn my cat into the most handsome prince around." The Genie nodded and after a huge cloud of dust cleared, the Genie was gone and so was the lamp.

The woman looked at herself and she was certainly beautiful. She was surrounded with scads of money in large bills. She flung an armful in the air and watched it flutter down around her. She giggled with delight at the mountains of cash. Then she turned to look where her adoring cat once stood. There in the feline's place stood a tall, dark, handsome man with chiseled features, a washboard stomach and broad shoulders.

He put his arms around her, brushed his hand upon her cheek, looked deep into her eyes and whispered softly, "Now, my love, aren't you sorry that you had me neutered?"

Saturday Night Live updates and clarifies the Tiger Woods Affairs

That's it for today my little rug rats. Remember, the problem with sex in the movies is that the popcorn usually spills. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

I tend to forget important dates. Thanks for reminding me. Good jokes as always.

garnett109 said...

Thanks For posting Pearl Harbor Jim, I forgot sorry!

natalie said...

Thanks Jimmy for your good entry about Pearl Harbor!
A day of infamy!
well...your entry was interesting..I really didn't know that the Italians were engaged in a cover up!
Thanks so much for you comment on Saint Nicholas in my journal!
It was funny!lol!
yeah the gingerbread men are so cool!

Senorita said...

Great Entry about Pearl Harbor. Thanks for sharing.

The whole time I was reading about Knox's murder trial I kept asking where the evidence was. Glad I wasn't the only one that feels that way.

Linda's World said...

Pearl Harbor is barely remember anymore. I was pleased to see our local paper actually had a full page story complete with interviews of two local P.H. survivors. I didn't forget but was gone most of the weekend so just posted a little blurp this morning. I will never forget because it happened 28 days before my arrival into this world and I will always remember hearing the concerns of my parents with a baby due in the very near future. The Amanda Knox fiasco is another sad situation for those of us here in the Seattle area. As far as I'm concerned no American tourist should ever set foot in the country of Italy again!! Talk about a kangaroo court! Linda in 27* western Washington

Lin said...

I've been to Pearl Harbor twice. The first time was 1975. A boat took us out to the memorial. Took my daughter in 2008. They've built quite an exhibit and everything is explained in detail. It is emotional to stand and envision the Japanese planes coming from over the mountains. Very memorable.
Love that SNL clip, hilarious!

salemslot9 said...

I visited the
Arizona Memorial
with my folks

watched Knox story
on 'Dateline'
and '48 Hour Mystery'
she's guilty of something...

Julie said...

Great post. A day to remember for ever.

Pamela said...

I'm going to take my son to the Arizona soon. Loved the genie jokes! Especially the prince who is neutered..LOL!
Have a great day!

Rose said...

Great reminder of Pearl Harbor.

Oh my....the number of women are going higher for Tiger Woods.....I'm so disappointed in him.