Friday, March 19, 2010

Pssst ! - Wanna' Free Ride On Air Force One ?

Cajole: 1) To persuade with flattery or gentle urging especially in the face of reluctance. 2) To deceive with soothing words or false promises. Synonyms include: soft-soap, wheedle. Soft-soap refers to using smooth and somewhat insincere talk usually for personal gain, id est, politicians soft-soaping eligible voters. Wheedle suggests more strongly than cajole the use of seductive appeal or artful words in persuading (hucksters wheedling life's savings out of others).

Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio), announced yesterday that he is voting for the Senate bill, making him the first member to go on record flipping his vote from No to Yes. Kucinich’s stance was being closely watched by both sides, partly as a test of President Obama’s ability to corral the support of reluctant Democrats. Obama wooed him directly with a lift on Air Force One and gave a big health care speech in his district earlier this week.

Some media types reported that Kucinich was "cajoled" by President Obozo to change his vote. While referring to Kucinich's flip-flop as "blatant political bribery" or "political whoring" may be a bit harsh, I certainly think that I would replace "cajole" and insert "soft-soap" or "wheedle". It would be more descriptive unless you modified the entire sentence to read that Kucinich bent over and spread his cheeks. Then, again, that's just me.

Costco is giving away free samples of Lever 2000 16-ounce bar soap. You do not have to be a Costco member to be eligible. Just click on the above link, then sign up with your name, address, email, gender, and date of birth. Then answer two questions about soap preferences.

The News As I See It: Saint Patrick's Day was a roaring success in pubs and bars across the nation. Vice President Joe Biden addressed the prime minister of Ireland and said that the prime minister’s mom once lived in Long Island. Biden followed up saying "God rest her soul . . ." Then he said, "Oh wait — your mom’s still alive. It’s your dad that passed away." Biden just can’t get anything right. Luckily it was Saint Patrick’s Day and the Irish prime minister was too drunk to notice.

Republicans also celebrated Saint Patrick’s Day and now they want to declare March 18 as "Saint Obama Day." They want to honor the president for driving all the Democrats out of Washington. In Irish lore, leprechauns hide their pots of gold at the end of the rainbow. But in San Francisco, things are a little different — at the end of the rainbow, there's just a gay bar.

The Wall Street Journal reports that jailed Ponzi-schemer Bernie Madoff was severely beaten in jail last December. Madoff was treated for a broken nose, fractured ribs and cuts to his head and face, according to a felon currently at Butner prison serving time on drug charges who was familiar with his condition at the time. The former inmate said the dispute centered on money the assailant thought he was owed by Mr. Madoff. Talk about poetic justice.....

This Date In History: 1853; During the Taiping Rebellion in China, the rebels captured Nanking and renamed it T'en-ching (Heavenly Capital). 1920; The United States Senate voted down signing the Treaty of Versailles for the second time. 1931; Nevada state legislature legalized gambling. 1953; The Academy Awards were first televised.

1996; Sarajevo became a united city again after four years when Moslem-Croat authorities took control of the last district held by Serbs. 2003; Operation Iraqi Freedom is launched with air strikes on Baghdad, the beginning of the war with Iraq (March 20 in Iraq). 2003; Mahmoud Abbas became prime minister of Palestine. He would later succeed Yasir Arafat as head of the PLO and president of the Palestinian Authority.

Picture Of The Day: There are so many excellent photoshop pictures of Bernie Madoff that it's difficult to make a selection. The recent news that Bernie got the crap kicked out of him in prison has spawned another photoshop wave of Bernie pictures. It looks like the movie title " A Weekend At Bernie's" is taking on a whole new meaning.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I'm not here right now. I've gone to go look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait. 2) People who claim they don't have the time to do things right somehow find the time to do them over. 3) Enthusiasm is contagious, but hype is a disease. 4) Most of us we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. 5) I called a friend of mine yesterday and found out that he had recently broken his leg in two places. I told him to quit going to those places.....and that's five !

Birthdays: David Livingstone, missionary and explorer 1813, Richard Francis Burton, explorer 1821, Wyatt Earp, law officer 1848, William Jennings Bryan, American political leader 1860, Earl Warren, jurist 1891, Philip Roth, author 1933, Glenn Close, actress 1947, Bruce Willis, actor 1955.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: An elderly man lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and he went to the parish priest and asked if he would say a mass for his poor departed pet. The priest replied, "I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane." The old man said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5000 is enough to donate to them for the service?" The priest exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior citizen is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior citizen walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked "What are you sellin' here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling assholes." Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs humping on the sidewalk. The little girl asked, "What are they doing, Grandma?" The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor." The little girl said, "They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?" Grandma asked, "How do you mean?" The little girl said, "Offer someone a helping hand and they screw you every time!"

A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk! She said, "You need to use 'big people' words." When she asked Chris what he had done over the weekend, he said, "I went to visit my Nana." The teacher admonished, "No, you went to visit your grandmother. Use 'big people' words!"

She then asked Mitchell what he had done. Mitchell said, "I took a ride on a choo-choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a train. You must remember to use 'big people' words." She then asked little Alec what he had done. Alex said, "I read a book." The teacher said, "That's wonderful, what book did you read?" Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the shit."

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to an emergency call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Her mother pushed and pushed, and after a while, a little boy was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom an he began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "Smack his ass again! He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place!"

That's it for today my little bunny rabbits. Remember, diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice Doggie!" until you can find a suitable rock. I going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour and then I'm watching the Nascar Nationwide series at the half mile banked oval at Bristol. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


Rose said...

You crack me up! Great graphics in this Post. I know you must have searched real hard today for them! Keep up the good work.

Hugs, Rose

Heli gunner Tom said...

Hi Jimmy,
It's kind of like the "Pavlov theory"-- when I click on to read your blog-- I know I will be entertained.

Tom S

jack69 said...

Okay put me on the list. I want to ride on AF1. I will change my vote from 'what's his name' to Obama if you can make it retroactive. (Since he is there anyway!)

I want to fly to Hawaii. The president nor his wife have to come. I will drive to DC. I'll be waiting for the call.

Great entry as usual. Take care.
Sherry & Jack

Martha said...

Thanks for the Friday funnies as always Jimmy. Have a great time in Area 51 this weekend :-)

Paula said...

Have agood week-end.

Lori J said...

Hi Jimmy,

I must stop in more often. I read some of your entries to hubby and we both had a good chuckle.


ALBERTA Lori (enjoying the AZ sunshine)