Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Budget? We Don't Have No Stinking Budget !

President Obozo unveiled his new budget, including $1 trillion in spending cuts, which Obozo called the most painful choice he's ever made. Then he looked over at Joe O' Biden and said, "OK, the second most painful choice.'" I guess Michelle was happy she wasn't there.

Obozo presented his budget for 2012, though the Congress probably won’t get to it, as they still haven’t passed the budget for 2011. It's politics as usual with democrats and republicans jockeying for political high ground as the economy continues to tank and the national debt continues to rise.

No one wants to cut any area which will affect the 2012 elections. Obozo has suddenly become a centrist due to the November 2010 elections and the republicans, now a majority in the House, are also playing tit-for-tat.

The bottom line is that the government has to cut spending across the board. You cannot spend what you do not have. It's that simple. Obozo's 53 billion dollars bullet train is a blatantly stupid idea. If the democrats and republicans cannot sit down and make the necessary cuts in all areas, including Medicare, Medicaid and Defense, then America is in a world of hurt.

As for Obamacare, today's journal cannot even begin to fit my thoughts about the stupidity of the program.....

The News As I See It: Michelle Obama told "Regis & Kelly" she was expecting jewelry on Valentine's Day. She said it wouldn't be anything extravagant because Barack tends to be responsible when he's spending his own money.

Facebook is looking into buying Twitter for around $10 billion. If all goes as planned, the company hopes to combine the two companies, creating the biggest waste of time the world has ever seen.

Health officials are investigating the Playboy mansion after more than 80 guests at a party became sick with some strain of Legionnaires disease. Hugh Hefner was able to call an ambulance using his Life Alert. If you spend a night at the Playboy mansion and all you get is Legionnaires disease, consider yourself lucky.

Charlie Sheen gave an anti-drug lecture to the UCLA baseball team. I understand next week, they’re bringing in Lindsay Lohan to talk about stealing bases.

According to Glamour magazine, 12 percent of married adults met their spouses online. The other 88 percent met somebody else’s spouse online.

A new app called the "Love Calculator" allows you to calculate your chances for love. Sometimes the app goes by its original name, "the breathalyzer."

This Date In History: 1804; U.S. frigate Philadelphia, captured and held by Barbary pirates at Tripoli during the Tripolitan War, was set fire to and destroyed by a small group of men led by Stephen Decatur. 1918; Lithuania proclaimed its independence from Russia.

1923; The tomb of King Tutankhamen, discovered in 1922, was opened. 1937 Nylon was patented. 1959; Fidel Castro became the leader of Cuba after having ousted the right-wing dictator Fulgencio Batista.

1968; The country's first 911 phone system went into service in Haleyville, Ala. 1999; Turkish commandos captured Kurdish rebel leader Abdullah Ocalan in Kenya, sparking seizures of embassies in Europe by Kurds.

Picture Of The Day: Egypt is finally rid of Mubarak. Gee, I wonder where he is and how he's doing?

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Drinking and driving is the biggest cause of vehicle damage in the world. Movie special effects are a close second. 2) I told my bartender that I was drinking to forget. He asked to me to please pay in advance. 3) I don't have a beer gut, but I do have a protective covering for my rock hard abs. 4) Women should not have children after 35. Really....35 children are enough. 5) Six men were kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said, "Are you going to help?" I said, "No, six should be enough."......and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Aquarius - February 16th: Your friends will suddenly start really loving you this week as they find out about your recent lottery luck. Shooting high into the air during a celebration, may cause injury to you or those around you. Compact Discs are very shiny, but using them to attract seagulls in order to bludgeon them to death with your shoe is neither good manners nor entirely legal. You should focus on all the positive things that have happened over the past few years. This will help you overcome the incredible setbacks which are coming in the next few weeks.

Birthdays: Frederick William, the Great Elector 1620, Heinrich Barth, explorer 1821, Henry Adama, American writer and historian 1838, Robert Flaherty. explorer and film producer 1884, Katharine Cornell, actress 1898, George F. Kennan, diplomat and historian 1904, Sonny Bono, entertainer, politician 1935, Richard Ford, novelist 1944, LeVar Burton actor 1957, John McEnroe, tennis player 1959.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was: "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?"

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced, "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry, we have three engines left." Thirty minutes later, the Captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry, we have two engines left."

An hour later the Captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left." One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day."

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Pat in the U.K. and Victor for their contributions to today's stories.

A 25-year-old Jewish girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the brute that did this to you? I want to know!" Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life."

He continued, "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $5,000,000 bank account."

The distinguished gentleman then said, "However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not sure what to do. What do you suggest?" There was a silence and then the mother places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "So, you'll try again."

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when he decided that he really needed a new robe. After looking around for a while, he saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for him.

A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit! He asked how much he owed. Finkelstein brushed him off saying, "No, no, for the Son of God, there's no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor. Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor?"

Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of his Finkelstein robe whenever he spoke to the masses. A few months later while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem, he happened to walk past Finkelstein's shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein's robes. He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him.

A soon as Finkelstein spotted him, he said, "Jesus, Jesus, look what you've done for my business! Would you consider a partnership?"Jesus said, "Certainly, Jesus & Finkelstein it is." Finkelstein said, "Oh no....Finkelstein & Jesus. After all, I am the craftsman." Jesus said, "I understand, Mr. Finkelstein, but I am the son of God."

The two of them debated this for some time.Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful. They finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise. A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein's shop:

Barack Obama took a jog near the White House and on each run, he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. One day, as he approached the corner, the hooker shouted from the curb, "Hey Barack, a hundred dollars!" Barack fired back, "No, ten dollars!" This ritual between the prez and the hooker continued for several days. He'd run by, she'd holler, "one hundred dollars" and he'd yell back, "No, ten dollars!"

One day, Michelle decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the now infamous street corner, Barack suddenly realized the "pro" would bark her $100 offer for all to hear (including Michelle) and he would have to come up with a darn good explanation for his wife.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past her, Barack became overcome with anxiety on how to handle the situation. Sure enough, there she was - standing where she always did. Barack tried to evade the streetwalker's eyes as she looked up at the jogging executive. Then, from the sidewalk, she yelled, "Hey Barack, see what you get for ten bucks?"

That's it for today my little ducklings. Remember, the human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. It's hump day and a trip to AREA 51 for happy hour is in order. See 'ya there! More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Me thinks I agree with your Politics (What ever they are!!!)

Has it been this long? 1959; Fidel Castro became the leader of Cuba after having ousted the right-wing dictator Fulgencio Batista.

My only close call to fame (Or probably worse) Early in my Career I made it known I would not turn the CIA down. 1957 (Along with several other Jarheads) I got my chance to join them and help save the world. They needed a few Soldiers of fortune to help Fidel over throw that 'crook' Batista, but of course No one must know etc. But I did say no to the CIA, because by that time Sherry looked much better than FIDEL. ha! About 1961 I knew I had made the right choice!!!

Oh thanks for the laughs, I see Barack has made a couple bad choices though, $10.

Paula said...

The blonde asking the question if the vacuum is off or on sounds logical to me. lol

Julie said...

Chuckling chuckling chucking, as usual after reading your posts.