Monday, February 7, 2011

Super Bowl Thoughts

I though the best Super Bowl commercial was the kid in the Darth Vadar costume. Oddly enough, it reminded me of my little pal, Brad (who has since passed away), who would come to my office to see his father at a similar age (6 or 7). When he would walk into the room, one of my friends would say, "Hey Brad, watch this" and my friend would press a knothole on the wood paneling.

When he did, the lights in the office would turn off. Then, Brad would try the same thing with the same results. Brad was amazed. Of course, what really happened was another friend had his finger on the light switch and was manipulating the switch to coordinate it with the pressing of the knothole. Too cute !

Congratulations to Christina Aguilera for mauling the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner at the Super Bowl in front of more than 100 million viewers. For the obscene sum that she was paid, you'd think she would at least be able to remember the words. It seems to me that certain words should be an automatic in any American's mind. Two that come to mind would be the Lord's Prayer and the National Anthem.

As for the game itself, I thought the first quarter was a runaway and was almost tempted to change channels. The game became a bit more interesting when Pittsburgh drew nearer at the end of the first half. The unfortunate injuries and numerous mistakes did not show me two championship teams, rather a comedy of errors. Fortunately, the fourth quarter was interesting and exciting indeed and brought the game back to a semblance of the typical hype that it generates.

Ok, show's over! Thankfully, basketball season is almost over and Nascar starts this week. Speedweeks at Daytona International Speedway starts the season this weekend with the Bud Shootout on Saturday night and Daytona 500 qualifying on Sunday afternoon. The track has been completely repaved and three abreast racing at speeds approaching 200 miles per hour should make for some exciting racing!

The News As I See It: AOL is purchasing The Huffington Post for over 300 million dollars. Now there's a thought....AOL can't run an up-to-date, efficient web site, cannot get the advertisers they once had and they figure they'll solve the problem by buying Arianna Huffington's lame-ass liberal web site. Sounds like Obamanomics. Go figure.....

A Palm Beach priest has admitted to violations of chastity with an adult woman. When the Vatican heard about this, they said "With a woman? Thank God!"

Secretary of state Hillary O'Clinton said regarding the crises in Egypt that the Obozo administration is not advocating or working toward any specific outcome. That's the same policy they've had during current U.S. economic crises. Just kind of go along and see what happens.

Oil companies are now saying that the unrest in the Middle East could lead to an increase in gas prices. Did you ever notice that everything leads to increased gas prices? Egypt, the snowstorm, Snooki's book, the "American Idol" judges......

Sarah Palin said she may run for president. I understand there's an opening in Egypt.

This Date In History: 1795; The 11th Amendment to the Constitution was ratified. 1904; Disastrous fire destroyed more than 1,500 buildings in downtown Baltimore. 1926; Carter G. Woodson founded Negro History Week, which later evolved into Black History Month.

1964; The Beatles arrived in the U.S. for the first time. 1971; Women in Switzerland were finally granted suffrage. 1974; The island of Grenada won its independence from Britain. 1986; President Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier fled Haiti. 1990; The Communist Party of the Soviet Union allowed other parties to compete for power.

Picture Of The Day: As the news gets more interesting, the photo shop gang works overtime to keep up with it. You can almost always count on Lindsay Lohan to screw up. Her most recent catastrophe involves her allegedly stealing jewelry (her version is that it was "loaned" to her). Of course, Egypt has fueled a multitude of photo shop pics including today's award winning entry.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I was getting on a plane to New York and I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York and send the other one to Los Angeles." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!" 2) My doctor told me that the way to improve my love life was exercise. He said to run two miles a day. Two weeks later I called the doctor. He asked, "How is your love life since you have been running?" I said, "I don't know, I'm 28 miles away!" 3) Last week, I was in front of a judge. The judge said "You've been brought here for drinking." I said, "Okay, let's get started." 4) As I left the courtroom, I saw a drunk go up to a parking meter and put in a quarter. The dial went to 60 and the drunk said, "Huh, I lost 100 pounds!" 5) I'm always frank and earnest with women. In New York, I'm Frank and in Las Vegas, I'm Ernest......and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Aquarius - February 7th: The truth is much harder to find than fiction. Don't be afraid to spread damn dirty lies. If you keep repeating it, it might come true. Your ability to perform open heart surgery may be brought into question today as you attempt to help an asthmatic in the local park who's having breathing difficulties. Don't trust anyone today. Stay inside until today is all over and done with. Don't trust this horoscope either. Just don't - okay?

Birthdays: Sir Thomas More, statesman 1478, John Deere, industrialist and manufacturer 1804, Charles Dickens, novelist 1812, Laura Ingalls Wilder, author 1867, Eubie Blake, pianist and composer 1883, Sinclair Lewis, novelist 1885, An Wang, computer entrepreneur 1920, James Spader, actor 1960, Chris Rock, comedian 1966, Ashton Kutcher, actor 1978.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Mildred was 90 years old and was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. The doctor said, "On a woman, the heart would be just below the left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" The first man said, "274." The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" The second man said, "Tuesday."

The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, what's three times three?" The third man says, "Nine." The doctor said, That's great! How did you get that?" The third man answered, "SimpIe, I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Jack staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. Little Jack asked, "Father Garnett, what is this?" Farther Garnett said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

They stood together quietly, staring at the memorial plaque. Little Jack turned to Father Garnett and softly asked, "Which service? The 9:00 or the 10:30?"

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the citizens of this country actually eat dogs." Her companion replies, "That's odd, but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards it.

Mother superior says, "Two dogs, please." The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs". The mother superior is first to open hers, then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part of the dog did you get?"

A man and wife attended church one evening, and the wife decided that it was time to stop her husband from sleeping in Church. So, she took her hat pin and decided she would poke him every time he fell asleep. Right about the first time he falls asleep, the preacher asks, "And who created the Universe?" The wife poked her husband and he awakes and yells, "My God!"

The second time he falls asleep, the preacher asks, "And who died on the cross for you?" She pokes her husband and he screams, "Jesus Christ!" The third time, the Preacher asks, " And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" The wife pokes her husband and he jumps up and yells, "By God, if you poke me with that thing one more time, I am going to break it off...!"

That's it for today my little kid knee beans. Remember, everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap, so if you'd like to teach people a lesson in trust, fill your soap dispenser with mustard. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


kbear said...

LOL..ROFL!!! I wait patiently for baseball season..

jack69 said...

Rose and Paula must be very busy tonight. I am here before them and it was an hour ago when sherry was cracking up on the other side of the table. I didn't see a danged thing funny, oh, except the 'shot in the knee', the drunk that lost a hundred pounds, the nun that got the dog's --, .. Okay there was a lot of funny stuff she could have been laughing at.!
But she didn't mention it when I tucked her in.

Thanks Jimmy for the laughs!!!!! It is always fun to come by the Journal!
Do they really keep a list of folks that die during service?

Heli gunner Tom said...

Yes! the Football team from the smallest town won the game...[I am from WI] but I thought the game was sloppy with all the dropped/ missed catches/ balls and errors.

Tom S

Julie said...

Since I won $150 on the game I was thrilled with it, the first game I ever watched. The only commercial I liked was the one with the Darth Vader outfit also.

Ally Lifewithally said...

Thanks Jimmy tell me how did that LADY Christina Aguilera get the job singing ????? ~ thanks for the jokes really enjoyed them ~Ally xx