Wednesday, February 9, 2011

"Win The Future".....WTF?

President Obama, in his State of the Union address, called on Americans to put aside partisan differences and unite. One of the themes was "Win The Future" or "WTF" for short. I wonder if the administration is aware that we lowly bloggers and readers have already established a use for the acronym "WTF" and it ain't "Win The Future". Rather, it's a crude question often asked when some yoyo comes up with a national slogan such as "Win the Future."

Actually, many Americans have saying "WTF" for two years. Between the antics of Congress and the national economy, it's been on everyone's lips for a while now. Add the administration's complete ignorance of the hordes of illegal immigrants saturating the southern border and chaos rules.

Yep, "WTF" is a great acronym, Barry, but it doesn't mean "win the future" to me. It's time to limit the spending and reduce the national debt. It's a time to quit inventing useless ideas like Joe O'Biden's 53 billion dollar bullet train and concentrate on the more obvious and pressing problems in America!

The News As I See It: Before the Super Bowl, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano told everyone, "If you see something not right at the Super Bowl, let somebody know." Immediately after Christina Aguilera sang the national anthem, 50 million people called. The good news is that you can’t accuse her of lip syncing.

Congratulations to the Green Bay Packers for winning the Super Bowl. People in Wisconsin haven’t been this excited since they invented aerosol Velveeta. At President Obama’s Super Bowl party, they had cheeseburgers and deep-dish pizza. So much for Michelle Obama’s healthy eating initiative.

Speaking of Michelle Obama, she recently announced that Mr. Obozo has not smoked for a year. Hmmm, didn't the Prez also promise us C-Span health care coverage? Check to see if his pants are on fire, Michele !

They found a grand piano on a sandbar in Miami's Biscayne Bay. By the time authorities got there, there were half a dozen Cuban rafters sitting around it having drinks.

Scientists have discovered a gorilla that walks upright. After hearing this, I though of about 10 potential jokes that all ended with the same punch line: Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The U.S. government spends billions and billions of dollars on bombs and welfare. It's hard to say which is a bigger waste of money. The epitome of that thought would be if the government bombed Detroit.

Odds and Ends: Peru has changed its national anthem. It wasn’t too hard to change the lyrics. They just let Christina Aguilera sing it. In Dallas, a warehouse full of energy drinks caught fire. Firefighters say the fire raged for five hours and then totally crashed. Joe O'Biden announced plans for a $53 billion train system. To offset the cost, they’re raising the price of a train ticket to $53 billion. Nancy Pelosi described Justin Bieber as "adorable but also substantial", while Justin Bieber described Nancy Pelosi as "court ordered to maintain a distance of 300 feet at all times."

This Date In History: 1861; Jefferson Davis was chosen as the president of the Confederate States of America. 1943; The battle of Guadalcanal ended with an American victory. 1950; Senator Joseph McCarthy claimed he had evidence there were card-carrying members of the Communist Party in the State Department.

1964; The Beatles made their first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show. 1991; Lithuanians voted overwhelmingly for independence from the Soviet Union. 2001; A U.S. nuclear sub struck the Ehime Maru, a Japanese fishing boat.

Picture Of The Day: We will just go with the flow today and the pictures pose the question......WTF?

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. 2) Puberty is when you separate the boys from the girls. Sometimes with a crowbar! 3) A Canadian is kind of like an American, but with out the gun. 4) He who laughs last thinks the slowest. 5) Coca-Cola, as originally translated into Chinese, literally means "Bite the wax tadpole"......and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Aquarius - February 9th: Smiles help the world go round, especially when the smiles are accompanied by big wads of cold hard cash. In fact, forget the smiles, just give everyone money. The rate of absorption into your skin will increase three fold today as Mars combined with Jupiter to create... well, whatever is created to allow for that, I suppose. When asked if you're okay today, you may feel tempted to respond with physical violence. There is a lot of anger in your brain. Douse it with cold beer!

Birthdays: William Henry Harrison, ninth president of the United States 1773, Amy Lowellpoet 1874, Dean Rusk, secretary of state 1909, Carmen Miranda, actress 1909, J. M. Coetzee, novelist 1940 Carole King, songwriter, singer 1942, Joe Pesci, actor 1943, Alice Walker, author 1944, Mia Farrow, actress 1945.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill:

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. She said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." The husband said, "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later."

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. She asked, "What are you doing?" Her husband replied, "Hunting Flies" She asked, "Oh, are you killing any?" Her husband said, "Yep, 3 males, 2 females." Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Garnett for his contribution to today's stories.

A young man is vacationing alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young ladies. Much to his surprise, they all seem to be drawn to an old guy a little further down the shore. The young man goes back to the hotel, hoping for better luck that night in a night-club.

When he goes to the club, and he sees the same old man, surrounded by beautiful women. He pulls the old guy aside, and asked, "Sir, what's your secret?" The old man replies, "I saw you on the beach today and I felt sorry for you. So I'll give you a tip. Try putting a pair of socks down your trunks."

The young man is thankful for the advice, and can't wait for the next day to try his luck again. The next morning he goes out to the beach again, with a clean pair of socks neatly tucked into his trunks. But the girls only smile at him and move on. He then sees the old man again, completely surrounded by beautiful women.

That night, he finds the old man again, and asks for more help. The wise old man responds, "Son, next time put the socks in the front of your trunks."

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. The mailman said, "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night."

Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing 'Who Am I'." The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

Bob says, "Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is." The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that." Bob says, "Probably a good thing you did. Your name came up four or five times."

That's it for today my little tripods. Remember, even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. AREA 51 is my destination and Happy Hour is the plan. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


Rose said...

Loved the mailman joke! hehehhe

jack69 said...

And according to YOU the Prez don't know diddly! Ha according to that photo and the caption, he reads signs very well!!!!

Thanks for the laughs, have a great evening!!

Paula said...

Funny jokes as usual.

Ally Lifewithally said...

Jimmy as usual a great entry ~ Ally x

Joann said...

I LOVE all the Christina Aguilera jokes I've been hearing.... she was bound to get them SOMEHOW, though. If she'd have gotten the words right, her hair was atrocious enough to get quite a few laughs!! Her hairdresser must've been DRUNK!!!