Death and Destruction In Japan

There's not much one can say about the indescribable death and devastation caused by the tsunami that hit Japan. A thirty meter high wall of water crashed into the coast of Japan reach inland as far as six miles, taking houses and cars with it, inevitably causing many injuries and deaths.

There are really not enough words to describe the chaos and destruction that the tsunami has caused and I fear that we've only seen the tip of the proverbial iceberg as more information becomes available. That said, I'll just show you some of the many pictures that have come over the Internet through Reuters news agency. My sincere thoughts and prayers are with the people of Japan and all those affected by this disaster.

The News As I See It: In China, the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade has been canceled. Now the only question is, who’s going to break the news to Ming O’Sullivan?

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered a role in a sequel to "Terminator." In this one, he travels back in time and kills the person that suggested he run for governor.

In New Orleans during Mardi Gras, the streets are awash in necklaces. If only you could have waited a few weeks, Lindsay Lohan.

Residents of Los Angeles are voting on a measure that would allow the city to tax any product sold at a medical marijuana dispensary. If the measure passes, Los Angeles could be financially solvent in 45 minutes.

President Obozo recently attended a parent-teacher conference. Apparently, Vice President Joe O'Biden is being held back a grade.

This Date In History: 1861; The Confederate States of America adopted its constitution. 1888; A torrential rainstorm hit the East Coast. The rain turned to snow the next day and it became the Blizzard of 1888, the most famous snowstorm in American history. It caused more than 400 deaths.

1930; William Howard Taft became the first U.S. president to be buried in the National Cemetery in Arlington, Virginia. 1941; President Roosevelt signs the Lend-Lease Bill. 1942; General Douglas MacArthur leaves the Philippines saying, "I shall return."

1985; Mikhail Gorbachev became head of the Soviet Union following the death of Konstantin Chernenko. At 54, he was the youngest member of the ruling Politburo. 1990; Augusto Pinochet of Chile, dictator since 1973, steps down. 1990; A newly elected parliament in Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union.

1993; Janet Reno won unanimous Senate confirmation to be the first female U.S. Attorney General. 2004; Over 200 people were killed and over 1,400 were injured when bombs exploded in Madrid train stations. Al-Qaeda took responsibility for the attacks.

Picture Of The Day: This amazing shot shows the tsunami waves actually working their way inland. All of today's pictures can be seen larger by clicking each individual picture.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My ex-wife once asked me, "How many women have you slept with?" I told her, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I stayed awake." 2) I hope I'm the last guy on earth -- I wanna see if all those women were lying to me. 3) I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability. 4) Whoever invented Glad Wrap had a really warped sense of humor. 5) When Brother Kirt was young, he thought he was a chicken. We never said anything because we needed the eggs......and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Pisces - March 11th: Two heads are better than one if you're trying to get a team together. If it's tasty, then lap it up. If not, don't. This is the best course of action for this week. The rate of absorption into your skin will increase three fold today as Mars combines with Jupiter to create... well, whatever is created to allow for that. I suppose.

Any beer consumed tonight may come back to haunt you, possibly in the form of a dead comedian. A picture frame will feature highly in your day today and will probably make you feel like you'd never gotten out of bed. Speak slowly and you will be heard. People will think you're being a dick, but people will definitely understand you.

Gibberish may possibly occur to you at some point during the next 12 days as you attempt to do something new, or possibly old. Malicious gossip may reach your ears this week and cause a great deal of paranoia. Back in school when people would bully you about your hair, you swore you would have your vengeance. Make today that day.

Birthdays: Torquato Tasso, Italian Poet 1544, Sir Malcolm Campbell, automobile and speedboat racer 1885, Vannevar Bush, engineer 1890, Harold Wilson, statesman 1916, Ralph Abernathy, civil rights leader 1926, Rupert Murdoch, publisher 1931, Antonin Scalia, Supreme Court Justice 1936.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says, "He had a hat!"

A Jewish man goes into a confession box and says, "Father O’Malley, my name is Murray Lipschitz. I’m seventy-five years old and believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better." Father O'Malley says, "My good man, I think you’ve come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?" Murray replies, "Are you kidding? At my age, I’m telling everybody!"

A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that’s my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I’m sorry, that’s just not possible. Some things just can’t be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guys says, "Well, for my entire life I’ve never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "How would you define peace?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit - A small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel." Mario asks, "And what do I do with these things, doc?" The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen!', you hit her with the shovel."

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.

Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers says "Don’t forget the coffee!"

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"

That's it for today my little petunias. Remember, at a bar always look for a woman who has a tattoo. If I see a woman with a tattoo, I’m thinking, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future. I'll keep an eye out for her tonight at happy hour in AREA 51. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !