Monday, March 21, 2011

Unions: The Downside

While I can appreciate the pros and cons of unions in the state of Wisconsin, I am reminded of a story about union brothels in Las Vegas and their effects on a decision made by one particular client. A dedicated union shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madame, "Is this a union house?" The Madame replied, "No, I'm sorry, it isn't." The union man asked, "Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" The Madame replied, "The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20." Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.

At the second one, he asked the Madame, "Is this a union house?" The Madame said, "No, I'm sorry, it isn't," The union man asked, "If I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" The Madame said, "The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20." Again offended, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.

His search continued until he finally reached a brothel where the Madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house." The union man said, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" The Madame said, "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20." The union man said, "That's more like it!"

He looked around the room, pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde and said, "I'd like her for the night." The Madame gestured to an ugly old woman in the corner and said, "I'm sure you would sir, but Nancy here has seniority."

The News As I See It: President Obozo told Americans not to worry about the radiation from Japan — as he left for South America.

Speaking of Obozo, lt only took 18 days of demonstrations for Egypt to get rid of their idiot. Where do you figure we all might ought to meet?

According to a recent poll, 42 percent of Americans celebrated St. Patrick’s Day. The other 58 percent got drunk because it was Thursday. St. Patrick’s Day was followed by another holiday, "St. Call in Sick to Work Day."

New software lets you see what your Facebook friends look like naked. In an unrelated story, I just un-friended my dad on Facebook.

Tea Party candidate Michele Bachmann said the Revolutionary War started in New Hampshire when it really started in Massachusetts. Interesting that a woman who believes so strongly in states rights can't get her states right.

Julianne Moore will play Sarah Palin in an upcoming movie. They got an unknown to play Levi Johnston. It’s Levi Johnston.

This Date In History: 1556; The Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Cranmer, was burned at the stake as a heretic. 1804; The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was officially put forth. 1871; Journalist Henry M. Stanley began his trek to find the missionary and explorer David Livingstone.

1960; Police fired on demonstrators in Sharpeville, South Africa, after which the African National Congress was banned. 25 years later, a march marking the anniversary was also disrupted by police fire. 1963; Alcatraz Prison in San Francisco Bay, a harsh maximum security jail which once housed gangster Al Capone, closed.

Picture Of The Day: Ah, yes.....and we thought Jimmy Carter was a loser. Oh well, when in doubt and the going gets tough, take the family to Brazil until things cool down.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) By the time they had diminished from 50 to eight, the other dwarfs began to suspect "Hungry". 2) Love is like a fire. You never know whether it will warm your heart or burn down your house. 3) Politics is one of the few professions where, if you succeed, there are many rewards. If you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.

4) Sex is not that important. It's the afterward part when you're naked, it's warm and you watch the sun come up through the windshield. You look in her good eye and you help strap on her leg and you realize that you probably just screwed a pirate. 5) Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards......and that's five!

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Aries - March 21st: Your luck has finally run out this week and everything comes out in the open. Everything you hear today will sound echoey and dull. A trip to the doctors might be necessary later next week. Halitosis can be very painful, especially if the person with bad breath is trying to spell the word "halitosis" in a confined space. The word "Saucy!" should not be used as a synonym for sweaty. "Have a good day!" is not something you'll want to hear from anyone as you suffer from a bottom related illness.

Waiting for your loved one to come to you could be a big mistake. This is especially true for at least one person today, whose loved one happens to drive a very large bus and will suddenly lose the ability to brake while driving straight towards your house.

Birthdays: Johann Sebastian Bach, German composer and organist 1685, Jean Baptiste Joseph Fourier, mathematician and physicist 1768, Benito Juarez, statesman 1806, Modest Mussorgsky, composer 1839, Florenz Ziegfeld, theatrical producer 1869, Phyllis McGinley, poet 1905, Matthew Broderick, actor 1962.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill:

An old man was attending a lecture on efficiency. When the efficiency expert concluded his lecture, the old man stood up and said, "You don't want to try these techniques at home." The efficiency expert asked, "Why not?" The old man said, "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years. She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time."

The old man continued, "So, I said, 'Honey, Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The efficiency expert asked, "Did it save time?" The old man replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."

Two old men were discussing their jobs and the first man said, " I interviewed three women today for a secretarial position and the new girl starts on Monday." The second man asked, "How did you know which one to hire?" The first man said, "I asked each woman the same question, 'What would you do if you found $100 lying on the floor in the office?'" The second man asked, "what did they say?"

The first man said, "One said, 'I would post a sign saying that some money had been found, and try to find person who lost it.' The second one said, 'I would lock up the money up in my desk, and if no one claims that they have lost any money, I would keep it.' The third one said, 'I would turn it over to the building security.'"

The second man asked, "So, who did you hire?" The first man replied, "The one with the big tits."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

A woman was picking up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to check out, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane 13, Tampax Supersize."

That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed and, just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look, lie here on the bed. You'll be thrown right to the floor!"

So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in and says, "What are you doing here!?" The manager nervously replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

That's it for today my little licorice sticks. Remember, the consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

I didn't believe that stuff about the train either, but Wife said it was true. (I have always been confused about the clothes.)

Have a good week, it is cold and dark up here in Michigan and they do not have Spring here.

Paula said...

I like the train joke. Made me think of a I Love Lucy episode wehre a train jiggled the bed across the room.

Julie said...

I want to go to Brazil everytime the going gets tough. Loved the union joke

Ally Lifewithally said...

Great entry as always Jimmy ~ thanks for the laughs ~ Ally x

Missy said...

I loved those last two jokes :-)