Friday, May 6, 2011

Have You Seen Me?

It never ceases to amaze me to see how many how many media assholes come out from under their respective rocks to give their slant on the extermination of Osama Bin Laden. To preface my thoughts, Bin Laden is dead. I don't care how they killed him, nor who else was killed, nor what else they were doing when the mission took place.

CNN is giving the political left slant on the event and FOX News is giving the opinion of the political right. I can tell you that I don't really care about either slant. Furthermore, I don't care if the world thinks it was right or wrong, moral or immoral.

Bin Laden was responsible for the deaths of nearly 3,000 people on September 11th, 2001. I have been waiting almost ten years to hear that he was dead.....and I really don't care how they did it. An eye for an eye!

The News As I See It: Osama bin Laden was killed with the equivalent of $740 and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. Experts say his next plan was to launch a major attack or rent a one-bedroom apartment in Chicago. Either that or we got him right before he left for summer camp.

If you voted for Obama in 2008 to prove you're not a racist, you'll have to vote for someone else in 2012 to prove you're not an idiot.

BP has been fined 25 million dollars for causing an oil spill in Alaska five years ago. Or as BP refers to it, "our warm up spill."

President Obama said he will not release the photo of Osama bin Laden’s dead body. There goes my Christmas card idea.

Just once, I'd like to hear the President explain the Navy Seal mission that killed Osama Bin Laden without using any personal pronouns or talking about himself.

This Date In History: 1882; Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act over President Chester A. Arthur's veto. 1889; The Universal Exposition opened in Paris, marking the completion and dedication of the Eiffel Tower.

1937; The German airship Hindenburg blew up and burst into flames at Lakehurst, N.J. 1941; Dictator Joseph Stalin became the premier of Russia. 1954; British athlete Roger Bannister became the first person to run a mile in under four minutes (3:59:4).

1994; The Chunnel between England and France officially opened. 1999; Scotland elected its first separate parliament in three centuries.

Picture Of The Day: I have to admit that I really had a lot of fun creating the missing person milk cartoon. Sometimes I just amuse myself to no end.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Hallmark Card: "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!" (available only in Louisiana). 2) Birthday cake is the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece. 3) Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. 4) Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. 5) My friend's wife gave him a walkie-talkie for his birthday. She said if he's good, she'll give him the other one next year.....and that's five!

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Taurus May 6th: Change is always for the good, ask any transsexual. The story of the tortoise and the hare will make you rethink things over the coming week. Like, how lazy was that hare, huh? Jeez, I mean, that bunny should've whupped that table ornament. For no reason, I'm just going to throw the number 7 at you. Seven. I don't know what it means, but, then again, neither do you.....Seven! Temptation is everywhere, especially if you're willing to look everywhere for it. However, you will discover that temptation itself is not as harmful as running the streets naked.

Birthdays: Sigmund Freud, psychoanalyst 1856 Robert Peary, American arctic explorer 1856, Rudolph Valentino, actor 1895, Or,son Welles, actor, director, producer 1915, Willie Mays, baseball player 1931,
Tony Blair, British political leader

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Johnny." Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?'' The mother replied, "Yes. We are so thankful and the doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.'' Little Johnny replied, "That's great 'cause he'd be screwed if he needed glasses!"

The teacher was telling her students in the sex education class about human anatomy. She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of the female and said, "The female has two breasts and one vagina." She then pointed to the male picture and said, "The male has one penis."

Little Johnny jumped up from his seat and said, "That's wrong teacher." The teacher saked, "Why do you think I'm wrong, Johnny?" Little Johnny explained, "He has two of them. One that's about three inches long that he pees with and another one that's bigger that he brushes the maid's teeth with!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Garnett and Victor for their contributions to today's stories.

A group of Al Qaeda terrorists are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune, "One Navy Seal is better than ten Al Qaeda terrorists." The Al Qaeda commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes and then, silence.

The voice once again calls out "One Navy Seal is better than ten Al Qaeda terrorists." Furious, the Al Qaeda commander sends his next best 20 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again, silence. The voice calls out again "One Navy Seal is better than ten Al Qaeda terrorists."

Eventually one badly wounded Al Qaeda terrorist crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more's a trap. There are two of them."

A touchy CNN reporter, impatient while interviewing a Navy Seal sniper asked, "What do you feel when you shoot a terrorist?" The Navy Seal shrugged and replied, "Recoil."

Air Force One is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight to fly to the middle east. During the pilot's preflight check, the Commander-In-Chief discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully so as to not risk criticism later.

As he's leaving the plane, the Air Force One pilot stops him and says, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished."

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands up tall and says, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son. I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe, it's two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump shit from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?"

That's it for today, my little chicklets. Remember, a gentleman always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. A truism that often has just rewards! Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms! AREA 51 and happy hour is my destination this evening. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


REGINA said...

i fully agree with your opening statement. spare me the details. just tell me he is dead and gone.

garnett109 said...

You are 100% right jimmy, hes dead and the world is a better place now lets get the rest of those flintstones!

Paula said...

I wasn't stupid in 'o8 and I won't be in '12. A man who doesn't put his hand over his heart in front of the flag of The United States Of America could never get my vote. We heard on the local news that the dog that was in on the attack was trained at Lackland Air Base in San Antonio.

Senorita said...

I totally agree. I am tired of hearing people talk about how Osama should've been alive when captured to get a free trial and how people think we've acted immorally. Screw that. You don't see the Taliban safely capturing their enemies.........

Janice said...

I completely agree with you. I don't care how they got him just that they did. I don't care about seeing his picture with his face blown apart either. I just thank God that we did.

Janice S.