Friday, May 20, 2011

SNL - "The Situation Room" Featuring Ed Helms

I laud the recent execution of Osama Bin Laden by the U.S. Navy SEAL team 6. The mission was a accomplished by efforts over the years of the armed forces, President Bush and President Obama, but the efforts of the SEAL team merit the majority of the praise. That said, watch the video below of Saturday Night Live's Ed Helms as "President Obama" speaking about the news of Bin Laden's demise.

In his address to America about the execution of Bin Laden, Obama carefully explained the details of the mission. Although the majority of Americans were pleased with the results, there were many different opinions as to the political points woven into the speech.

Rather than exhaust many written words as to my own personal reaction to the address, I find it more amusing to rely on Ed Helms' portrayal to convey my initial reaction the the Obama address. (Remember to mute my music playlist on the left sidebar."

The News As I See It: A 215 million dollar theme park is opening in China, dedicated to Hello Kitty. It’s right next to that famous Chinese restaurant "Goodbye Doggy."

President Obozo suggested that Israel should go back to the pre-1967 borders. Native Americans said, "Why stop there? Let’s go back to the pre-1492 borders."

Al-Qaida has a new leader. Experts are calling him a temporary leader — and so is Navy SEAL Team 6. It's quite a success story for the new leader. He worked his way up all the way from the mail bomb room.

Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted that he fathered a child with his maid. The maid’s husband became suspicious when he realized she was the first maid to make one million dollars a year. Arnold kept this secret for more than 10 years. He did it by moving the woman and child into an apartment right down the street from the Pakistani military academy. I guess "love child" is a nicer term than "OK-Maria's-asleep child."

Can anyone possibly explain why Rosland Capital, a gold investment firm, would hire convicted felon and all around asshole, G. Gordon Liddy as their spokesman?

Tomorrow is supposed to be doomsday. That sucks. I just paid my bills.

This Date In History: 1506; Christopher Columbus died in Spain. 1861; North Carolina voted to secede from the Union. 1927; Charles Lindbergh began the first solo nonstop transatlantic flight, departing from Long Island aboard the Spirit of Saint Louis. 1932; Amelia Earhart took off from Newfoundland to become the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic.1961; A mob attacked a busload of "freedom riders" in Montgomery, Ala., setting the bus on fire. 1978; Mavis Hutchinson, 53, became the first woman to run across America. The 3,000-mile trek took her 69 days. She ran an average of 45 miles each day. 1996; In a 6-3 vote, the Supreme Court rejected a Colorado measure banning laws that protect homosexuals from discrimination.

Picture Of The Day: Cher just had a birthday and I liked this pic. Farther below, probably the last thing Bin Laden saw before his vacation to meet the virgins was the Navy SEALs.....See 'ya!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I was a baby, I kept a diary. Recently, I was reading it again and it said, "Day 1 - Still tired from the move. Day 2 - Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot." 2) When I was a little kid, we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually. 3) When I was a little older, my grandfather asked me how old I was. I said, "Five." He said, "When I was your age, I was six."

4) When I was seven, I remember asking my Mom about where my siblings and I came from. She said, "Curiosity killed the cat." I wasn't sure what she meant, but for a while I was pretty sure that Dad was a suspect. 5) When I was eight, I saw a picture of myself in one of those strollers for twins. I asked Dad why there were two seats in the stroller. He said I used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.....and that's five!

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Taurus May 20th: Testing times will appear over the next week to have destroyed any hope you had with a particular someone. Age of consent is all well and good but you have to consider whether the legal teen has angry parents and even angrier dogs or lawyers. It is entirely possible that this horoscope will have nothing to do with you and the testing times could more literally be interpreted as times that will test your patience. We apologize for any inconvenience. A terrific thought will enter your brain at around lunchtime. Don't order the split pea soup, go with the beef barley.

Birthdays: William Thornton, architect 1759, Dolley Madison, American First Lady 1768, Honoré de Balzac. novelist 1799, John Stuart Mill, philosopher 1806, James Stewart, American actor 1908, Moshe Dayan, military leader 1915, Cher, singer, actress 1946.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Four college friends at Florida State were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go down to Miami to AREA 51 and party. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't wake up until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to Miami for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was about the veracity of their flat tire excuse for missing the exam. Each one in his separate room they thought, "Cool, this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page, the question for 95 points was, "Which tire?"

Mrs. Jones, the 6th grade science teacher, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

The teacher asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open and she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. Jones said, "Very good, Billy!"

Then she turned to Mary and said, "As for you, young lady, I have just three things to say. Number one, you have a dirty mind. Number two, you didn't read your homework and number 3, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time.

Halfway through the lecture, he began, "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. The professor, with a broad smile, said, "Young ladies, the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

At the urinal, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands. He used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Texas and they taught us not to piss on our hands."

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid-term. The last question, worth 70 points or none at all was: "Name seven advantages of mother's milk." The student in question had also partied the night before, and was hard put to think of seven advantages.

The student wrote: 1) It is a perfect formula for the child. 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always available as needed. 4) It is always at the right temperature 5) It is inexpensive. 6) It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa. Then, the student was stuck. Finally, just before the bell indicating the end of the test was rang, he wrote: 7) It comes in cute containers.

That's it for today my little buttercups. Remember, "I" before "E", except in Budweiser. I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour and karaoke. Don't worry, I have a great excuse if I miss the Monday morning finals/ Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


garnett109 said...

ed helms is cool

Missy said...

I'm just glad Bin Laden is finally dead.