Monday, January 16, 2012

Happy 39th Birthday Jack Darnell !

I must take the time to wish a very happy birthday to my pal Jack Darnell who will be 39 years old tomorrow. Jack turns 39 every year which accounts for his youth and exuberance. He writes a blog called Shipslog which recounts the adventures of his early days and his current treks around the country with his wife Sherry.

Once in a blue moon, Jimmy's Journal gives the TAC Award which was created in July of 2008 to certain bloggers who make life a little bit better for all the rest of us through their contributions to the blogging world. Jack is certainly one of those rare breeds and I never leave his blog without a smile on my face. When I grow up, I want to be just like Jack!

Read Jack's blog by clicking this link and tell him Jimmy sent you. Thanks a million, Jack!

The National Weather Service warned that anyone traveling in heavy snow and ice conditions should make sure they have the following: Shovel, blankets, extra clothing including hat and gloves, 24 hours worth of food, rock salt, flashlight with spare batteries, road flares or reflective triangles, empty gas can, first aid kit and jumper cables.

I felt like an idiot on the bus this morning!

The News As I See It: A little bit of this, a little bit of that....mostly that!

According to USA Today, the Internal Revenue Service's budget is too small for them to reform all the things they need to do. That's fantastic!

Researchers found a frog in New Guinea that is so tiny, they believe it's the smallest vertebrate on the planet. It has the tiniest backbone of any living creature, except the President and members of Congress.

There are now more obese people in the United States than there are overweight people. I think it's safe to say that after all these years, Diet Coke is a complete failure.

McDonald’s is apparently teaming up Harper Collins to give out an estimated 9 million books. That would never work in America. Our kids would just dip the books in ranch dressing and eat them.

This Date In History: 1547; Ivan the Terrible was crowned the first czar of Russia. 1883; The U.S. Civil Service Commission established. 1920; A year after it was ratified, the 18th Amendment to the Constitution, prohibiting the sale of alcoholic beverages, went into effect.

1942; Actress Carole Lombard, the wife of actor Clark Gable, died in a plane crash. 1991; Operation Desert Storm was announced by the White House. 1992; The El Salvador government signed a peace treaty with guerrilla forces, formally ending 12 years of civil war.

2001; Laurent Kabila, president of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, was assassinated. 2003; Space shuttle Columbia blasted off on what would be its final mission. The craft broke up on its descent on Feb. 1, killing all on board.

Picture Of The Day: Today's picture was pilfered from my pal Jack's blog and I am blaming Possum S. Hemmingway for the theft. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Do not use a microwave oven and a toaster at the same time. It will throw Earth out of orbit and we will plummet into the sun. 2) There are rumors now that Khloe Kardashian is not a real Kardashian. I remember how devastated I was when I found out I was not a real Kardashian. 3) I don't mind going to work, but the eight hour wait to go home is bullshit. 4) was having a brief conversation with a young guy with a college degree in Liberal Arts. He interrupted me to ask, "Do you want fries with that?" 5) This politically correct crap is really getting out of hand. Now you have to refer to blondes with limited intelligence as a light-haired detour off the information superhighway.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 16th: The bad thing is that it's Monday. The good think that it's a holiday. Sometimes Mondays can be very good and there's no reason why today won't be your day unless you put a ferret in your pants. Chance of romance is 38.3 percent. With the ferret, it's an even 40 percent.

Birthdays: My friend Sandra - Happy Birthday girl! 19XX, Robert W. Service, writer 1874, Fulgencio Batista, Cuban President 1901, Ethel Merman, entertainer 1909, Dizzy Dean, baseball player 1911, William Kennedy, novelist 1928, Susan Sontag, writer and critic 1933, Marilyn Horne, mezzo-soprano 1934, A.J. Foyt, auto racer 1935, Aaliyah, singer, actor 1979.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Three men were playing a round of golf, Moses, Jesus and an old bearded man. They get to the 18th hole and Moses gets to tee-off first; he hits his ball into the water. Next up is Jesus, and he does the same as Moses, hits it right into the water. Next up is the old man and he hits it right into the water with Moses and Jesus. All three approach the edge of the pond.

Moses walks up a little closer, throws his arms high into the air and the water of the pond begins to part down the middle. He walks down to his ball, hits it out of the pond and into the hole. Next up, Jesus walks out onto the water and his ball floats up to the surface, so he hits his ball off of the water into the hole.

The old man decides he will try something cool so he walks into the water and hits his ball, which flies out of the water, hits a bird, bounces off a tree, then gets deflected off the pin and hits a rabbit then bounces into the hole. Moses turns to Jesus and says," I hate it when your father plays!"

A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along.When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wife yells back to him, "He wants your underwear!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

One day, a lady went into a fishing shop to buy her husband a fishing pole for his birthday. She picked up a really nice looking pole and asked the salesman how much it was. The sales man says, "I am blind but if you give me the pole I can tell how much it is by the weight."

So the lady gives him the pole and he says, "That pole is worth $45." She was amazed at how cheap that was. So then she picked up another really nice pole, hands it to the man and he says, "This pole is worth $55." She decided that was also really cheap. Then she picks the nicest looking pole in the place and handed it to the man and he says, "This pole is our best and it is $70." She told him that she would take it.

As she was getting the fishing pole rung up, she felt the sudden need to fart, really badly. She decided since the man was blind that it really wouldn't matter if she farted in front of him so she just let it loose. The blind man looked up and says, "It all comes up to $85." Confused the lady says to him, "But you said the fishing pole was only $70." He said, "It is....Its $70 for the fishing pole, $5 for the stink bait and $10 for the duck call."

A couple is skinny dipping in a lake and when they return to shore, they discover that pranksters have stolen their clothes and blanket. Embarrassed, the couple run to their car and began driving back to their home. The boyfriend is so busy trying to drive and console his nervous girlfriend that he crashes the car into a tree outside of a neighborhood bar and gets stuck between the steering wheel and the seat.

He tells his girlfriend to go inside the bar and get help and she replied that she couldn't because she didn’t have any clothes on. He replies, “Take my shoe, cover your breasts with one hand, your pubic area with the shoe, and get help.

She takes the shoe and runs into the bar. Inside, the bar is almost deserted with the exception of the town drunk. She runs over to the drunk and says, "Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?" The drunks replies, "I’m sorry lady, but I think he's too far in."

That's it for today my little aardvarks. Remember that as you grow older, that warm feeling that life brings you might mean that you just peed on yourself. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Rose said...

Happy Birthday to my favorite Sailor, Jack Darnell!

Hugs, Rose

jack69 said...

I have to say this, I should know better than to drink my green tea or Red Wine when I read this Journal. The third key board! Reading the serious Nat'l weather Service warning, then the BUS COMMENT!! caught me completely off guard. You timing is perfect for messing up key boards.

But thanks for the award and that is nice. I will Let Sherry wear it every once in awhile. LOL

As always a great read and fun for the evening.
PS: The old lady is right about the underwear. (just so you will know what is coming your way!!) LOL

garnett109 said...

I looked at Jacks Picture he looks more like 49 Jimmy!

garnett109 said...

I looked at Jacks Picture he looks more like 49 Jimmy!

Paula said...

Yep Jack never gets any older, my birthday book just lies.