Monday, January 9, 2012

Obama In Wonderland ?

The White House hosted a lavish "Alice in Wonderland"-themed Halloween costume ball in 2009, but kept the party hush-hush to avoid bad publicity during the recession, according to a new book by New York Times correspondent Jodi Kantor.

The Hollywood-style party was hosted by Johnny Depp, decorated by Tim Burton, and was attended by guests such as Chewbacca from the original "Star Wars" films, reports The New York Post. At a time when the economy was still in a recession and members of a certain other tea party were staging huge protests against Obama, the book asserts that the administration sought to keep the fancy shin-dig out of the press.

Coming on the heels of the Obamas’ $4 million taxpayer-subsidised vacation in Hawaii, this latest story is an embarrassment for a White House that seems not to have heard of the age of austerity that the vast majority of Americans are now living through. It will further bolster the impression of an out-of-touch, celebrity-obsessed elite ruling the country with an air of impunity.

Who knows what else the White House has in store? A Pirates of the Caribbean Christmas? An Edward Scissorhands Thanksgiving? An Obama and the Chocolate Factory November election?

The News As I See It: Presidential candidate Rick Santorum is under fire for a remark he made in Iowa about black people. The remark has sparked outrage among Iowa’s black community, otherwise known as Tyrone.

The U.S. government is selling $30 billion worth of fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Yeah, it’s part of a new initiative called, "Operation Regret This In Five Years."

Jersey Shore returned to MTV for a new season, which means that New Year's resolution that we made to become a better person lasted exactly five days. It's so good to have them back vomiting on American soil again.

A dead body was discovered last week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth. The queen said she hopes this serves as a reminder to anybody on her staff that there is a right way and a wrong way to polish sterling silver.

Mattel will soon release limited-edition Barbies inspired by the Kardashians. The Kim doll comes with a ring, but you can mail it back for a rebate after 72 days.

This Date In History: 1788; Connecticut became the 5th state in the United States. 1861; Mississippi became the second state to secede from the Union. 1905; The Russian Revolution of 1905 was sparked by troops firing on petitioners to Czar Nicholas in St. Petersburg. 1964; Anti-American rioting broke out in the Panama Canal Zone. 1968; Surveyor 7, the last of America's unmanned lunar probes, landed on the Moon.

Picture Of The Day: The white house version of "Alice In Wonerland".

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now. 2) Polynesia is defined as memory loss in parrots. 3) I saw a dyslexic bumper sticker that read: Geez if you believe in honkus. 4) Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery. Stalking is. 5) My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker. We'll she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 9th: The lyrics "rainy days and Mondays alway get me down" won't apply to you today. Granted, today is Monday and the chance of rain is a proverbial crap shoot, but you'll escape from both in good shape. Chance of romance is twenty percent (it is Monday) but luck may come in another form. Don't get into an elevator with a midget.

Birthdays: Carrie Chapman Catt, suffragist 1859, Hayyim Nahman Bialik, poet, publisher 1873, John B. Watson, psychologist 1878, Karel Capek, author 1890,
Simone de Beauvoir, author 1908, Richard Nixon, 37th United States President 1913, Har Gobind Khorana, biochemist 1922, Bob Denver, actor 1935, Joan Baez, folk singer and political activist

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her Stammerers Action group. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success.

Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said, "If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water....right here on my desk. So, who wants to go first?"

The Englishman piped up and said, "B-B-B-B-B-B-B-irmingham." The speech therapist said, "That's no use, Trevor. Who's next?" The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out, "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley." She said, "That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish. How about you, Paddy?"

The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out, "London." The speech therapist said, "Brilliant Paddy" and immediately set about living up to her promise. After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said, "-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry."

An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.

e Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A nun really needing to go to the bathroom, so she walked into a neighborhood bar. The place was hopping with music and dancing but every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?" The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should." The nun asked, "Why not?" The bartender said, "Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there and his most private part is covered only by a fig leaf." The nun said, "Nonsense, I'll just look the other way."

So the bartender showed the nun the door at the top of the stairs and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again. However, they did stop just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?" The bartender said, "Well, now they know you're one of us. Would you like a drink?" The puzzled nun said, "But, I still don't understand." The bartender laughed and said, "Every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about that drink, Sister?"

English couple, an Irish couple and a Scottish couple are playing a round of golf in Scotland. The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee. As she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals a lack of underwear.

The English man says, "Good God woman! Why aren't you wearing any bloomers?" His wife responded, "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's 20. Go buy yourself some underwear."

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies. The Irishman says, "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! Ye've no knickers. Why not?'" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's 10. Go buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. The Scotsan exclaims, "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jesus, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Mexico. 150,000 Mexicans have died and over a million are Injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.

Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots. The European community (except France) is sending food and money. The United States, not to be outdone, is sending 150,000 replacement Mexicans.

That's it for today my little lamb chops. Remember, the best way to open childproof caps is with a hammer. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

I take it you are mad because we were invited to the shindig over Halloween and you weren't! You should list yourself as an independent, and you would be invited. He is convincing us Indies to wear undies.
Wait, ... I am mixed up. But I did like the Dacshound (but I cannot spell it!)
Thanks for a good reasd again tonight!!!!
PS I hope you get invited to the Pirtates thing.

jack69 said...

Can't spell Pirates either, Oh yeah I saw Garnett at the party!

garnett109 said...

jack it was not me it was my brother!

Paula said...

I like that nun joke.

Rose said...

You all crack me up!

Love the Blog, and all the Comments from the gang!

Missy said...

Hey hey now, I love some Jersey Shore!! LOL