Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Obama State Of The Union Drinking Game

Ah yes, the State of the Union address. Aside from the usual rhetoric, a lot of people played drinking games as they listened first to Obama propaganda followed immediately by the GOP propagandized response. "Fair share" was a killer for those playing the game last night.

Either way, Obama got his point across with his usual swag, so that’s why they came up with a drinking game that made his speech a little bit more exciting. Obama is known for his most common terms like, "Make no mistake" or "Let me be clear".

So, everyone takes shots of their favorite beverage according to the list of phrases, terms, words and occurrences that took place as Obama spoke.

The State of the Union is just a speech in which Republican and Democrats make it clear which party they are with and what they support. In the drinking game, you tell every one of them to go to hell with every drink you take while looking out for the really important parts like buzz words and politicians sleeping.

Last night's phrases were, "Fair, divisive, the middle-class, working men and women, we’ve made great progress, creating jobs, let’s finish the job, put Americans back to work, the wealthiest among us and bipartisan.

If your game also included the words, "Me or I", chances are you were hammered by the end of the evening. If your drinking game had the words, "nine percent unemployment rate, Presidential or Congressional rating, Solyndra, illegal immigration or Operation Fast and Furious", you were probably the designated driver for the rest of the drunks.

The News As I See It: Obama gave his annual State of the Union address. And the State of the Union for 2012 is Kentucky. Obama focused on four areas he believes are the keys to restoring economic security. Energy, manufacturing, education, and TV shows about cupcakes, which we love.

In California, some Starbucks stores have begun selling beer and wine. When asked why, a spokesperson for Starbucks said, "Because sober people don't buy Michael Jackson CDs.

Rick Perry pulled out of the presidential race which is bad news for the guys on death row in Texas. He's coming home and he's not in a good mood. Perry endorsed Newt Gingrich, saying Newt isn't perfect, but who is? To which Donald Trump said, "I am!"

Obama was in Disney World and someone asked if he was going to take a picture with Grumpy and Obama said, "Ron Paul is here? Where is he?" Obama kissed a woman on the cheek after she told him he looked good, which explains why Michelle made him sleep on Air Mattress One.

This Date In History: 1890; Nellie Bly bested Jules Verne's Around the World in 80 Days by completing her circumnavigation in 72 days. 1890; United Mine Workers of America was founded. 1915; Alexander Graham Bell inaugurated transcontinental telephone service.

1924; The first Winter Olympic games opened at Chamonix, France. 1961; President John F. Kennedy held the first presidential news conference carried live on radio and television. 1971; Charles Manson was found guilty of murdering Sharon Tate and six others.

Picture Of The Day: This picture has nothing to do with today's entry, I just liked it and I hope you do as well. Oh, and the picture with the two red things are "Cherry Tomatoes."

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery?" 2) Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagain. 3) If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday? 4) I'm not complaining, but I have no idea how women can wear thong panties. 5) If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?.....and that's five!

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - January 25th: Assuming you don't have a hangover from playing Obama State of the Union drinking games last night, today will probably be a great day. Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see and you'll be fine. Chance of romance is 33.76 percent.

Birthdays: My pal Bruce - Happy Birthday Bud! 19XX, Joseph Louis Lagrange, mathematician and astronomer 1736, Robert Burns, poet 1759, George Edward Pickett, Confederate general 1825, W. Somerset Maugham, writer 1874, Virginia Woolf, English writer 1882, Corazon Aquino, politician 1933, Eusebio, soccer player 1942, Steve Prefontaine, runner 1951, Alicia Keys, singer, songwriter 1981, Tatiana Golovin, tennis player 1988.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Once upon a time a man asked a woman to marry him. She said, "No!", and the man drank beer and caroused with women and stayed out late and used the guest towels and farted at will and didn't put the toilet seat down and lived happily ever after.

Two old men, Murray and Hiram, are discussing the local gossip at the Shady Elm Retirement Home when eighty-year-old Sadie walks by. Sadie says. "Hiya Boys!" The old men nod in acknowledgement and Hiram whispers to Murray, "That Sadie's a fox but she has a foul mouth. The other night she used the "F" word." Murray said, "Sadie, that sweet old lady? When did she say that?" Hiram said, "Right after the old lady sitting next to her yelled, 'Bingo!'"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn’t sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?" The woman said, "I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition. Whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. He said, "I've never heard of that condition before. Are you taking anything for it?" The woman replied, "Pepper!"

A woman was complaining to her girlfriend, "I don't have a boyfriend or a husband, I can never get a date and guys just don't seem interested in me. I don't know what's wrong with me." Her girlfriend said, "You know what? I know a Chinese doctor that can help you," So, her friend gave her the doctor's address and the next day she went to see him.

The woman tells the doctor what her problem is and the doctor says, "Take off your crows." The woman asks, "What, what did you say?" The doctor repeated, "Take off your crows", motioning for her to take off her clothes. The doctor continued, "Ok, now craw to the window." The doctor said, "Craw to the window", as he got down on all fours to show her what he meant. So she crawled to the window. The doctor said, "Now craw back to me" he says motioning her to come back.

The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Ah-ha! I know what your problem is." The woman anxiously says, "Well, doctor, what is it?" The doctor says, "You have Ed Zachary disease." The woman asks, "What is Ed Zachary disease?" The doctor says, "Your face looks Ed Zachary like your ass."

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us."

The old man continued, "I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leaped toward me with a mighty 'ROARRR!'.... I shit my pants." The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same." The old explorer said, "No, not back then - just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''".

That's it for today, my little rosebuds. Remember, be an optimist, at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral. It's hump day! Let's go to happy hour in AREA51. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

You should run for office. YOu are getting thispolitical junk down pat. Loved the Rick Perry, Newt and Trump one especially.

But did you have to do the "Ed Zachary"!!!!

Thanks for the good read and funnies. "BINGO!"

jack69 said...

I meant to say, I loved the line of how you became the designated driver!!!
(Good line)

Paula said...

That Ed Zachary disease seems to be serious. I didn't know Jack plays Bingo.

garnett109 said...