Wednesday, January 18, 2012

A Thank You Note From Japan

My pal Garnett sent me a video about the aftermath of the Tsunami in Japan last year and it really moved me. I have no idea how recent this video is, but just like Old Timer's disease, I meet new friends every day so it's new to me.

The enormity of such a severe catastrophe was devastating to watch and I shudder to think of how those poor people managed to cope with the injuries and death in the disaster. This video is about the rebuilding of the cities and the lives of the survivors. In short, it is a thank you note to the world for all the help they received.

Here's another way to look at the Debt Ceiling: Let's say, You come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in your neighborhood and your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings. What do you think you should do? Raise the ceilings or pump out the shit? Your choice is coming November 2012.

The News As I See It: Obama will be going to Disney World where he'll unveil his new plan to create jobs. And what better place for the president to talk about his jobs plan than Fantasyland? Of course, it's going to be awkward when he walks into the "Hall of Presidents" and sees them making room for Mitt Romney.

Newt Gingrich released an ad attacking Mitt Romney because he knows how to speak French. Well, Romney is not the only one. John Huntsman speaks Chinese. Rick Perry, of course, speaks gibberish.

Jon Huntsman dropped out of the race for president to return to his former job as the guy in the picture that comes with the frame.

John Edwards' trial has to be delayed because Edwards has a life-threatening condition. Hey, all husbands who cheat have a life-threatening condition.

If you live in New York City, Burger King, home of the Whopper, now delivers. Think about it. Some nights you just don't have the energy to get all dressed up and go out to dinner at Burger King.

One of the products unveiled at the Consumers Electronics Show is a remote for your television that you control with your mind. When you think "on", it turns on the TV. When you stop thinking completely, it turns on "Jersey Shore."

This Date In History: 1733; The first polar bear was exhibited in America, in Boston. 1778; Captain James Cook became the first European to visit the Sandwich Islands (Hawaii). 1782; Daniel Webster was born in Salisbury, New Hampshire.

1788; The First Fleet, carrying convicts and sheep, arrived in Australia's Botany Bay. 1912; The ill-fated Scott expedition reached the South Pole, only to discover Amundsen had been there first. 1943; The Nazi siege of Leningrad was broken.

Picture Of The Day: Butterflies have always fascinated me.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Having sex with her is just like a rock concert. We yell and cheer and when she wants an encore, she flicks her lighter. Sometimes I have to tell her that Elvis has left the building. 2) The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful. 3) I met her in a revolving door and I've been going around with her ever since. 4) When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "He's two" will do just fine. He's not wine or cheese and I didn't really care in the first place. 5) Just once I'd like to see the local TV news interview someone at a crime scene who wasn't surprised the crime occurred in a neighborhood like theirs.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 18th: This week may cause some problems for you as your secrets are shared across the Internet. Today might be the day when you get stuck in a hole with a dwarf. Remember all the research you did into dwarf habits in order to prevent mental breakdown?

You have your Southern folk and you have your Northern folk. Which one you are is probably not of consequence, because you're stranger than most. Chances of romance are high, around 69.7 percent if you're from up north, 73.2 percent if you're from Dixie.

Birthdays: Sister Jeanne's birthday is tomorrow - Happy Birthday Baby! 19XX, Montesquieu, jurist and political philosopher 1689, Peter Roget, lexicographer 1779, Daniel Webster, American Statesman 1782, Joseph Glidden, inventor 1813, A.A. Milne, author 1882, Oliver Hardy, actor 1892, Cary Grant, actor 1904, Danny Kaye, actor, singer, comedian 1913, Kevin Costner, actor, filmmaker 1955, Elke Clijsters, tennis player 1985.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A farmer bought a brand new stud rooster to copulate with his chickens. He put the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to business. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says "OK, old fellow, time to retire." The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens. Look at what it did to me!"

The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and let the young to take over, so take a hike." The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon. Just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you." The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over!"

The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop. And if I'm so feeble, why not give me a little head start?" The young rooster says, "Sure, why not, you know I'll still beat you."

They line up in back of the farmhouse, get a chicken go cluck "Go!" and the old rooster took off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only about five inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and Boom! He shoots the young rooster. He shakes his head gloomily and says to his wife, "Son of a bitch! That's third gay rooster I had to shoot this week!"

The owner of small business was confused about how much he should pay for an invoice, which included a volume discount. So he decided to ask his blonde secretary. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from college, and I need some help. If I were to give you $7,525 minus 12.5% for a discount, how much would you take off?" She paused briefly and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unloveable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth. The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, Doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but she'll have to take the bus on the other days because I play golf."

A sailor said to his captain as he saluted, "Skipper, a special message just came in for you from the admiral. I have it right here." The captain ordered, "Read it to me!"

The sailor began reading nervously, "You are without a doubt the most idiotic, lame-brained officer ever to command a ship in the United States Navy." The skipper responded, "Have that communication decoded at once!"

A Chinese couple gets married and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring, "My darring, I know dis u firs time and you frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting, jus anyting you want. Whatchu want?"

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want...numba 69" More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks, "You wanna Kung pao chicken wif broccori?"

That's it for today my little ducklings. Remember, the only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. It's Hump Day and I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Jimmy, that was a great video. Slow on this system but worth the wait. Garnett ain't as bad as I thought!! LOL

But to the serious part, now I love that old rooster!!!

Thanks for a great read, I did appreciate the languages all the candidates speak.
Take care and thanks.

Paula said...

Some good ones today and the butterflies are beautiful.

garnett109 said...

Jimmy the video brought tears to my eyes, I'm proud to belong to the civilized world!
I've already got my sump pump turned on high!

Brother Kirt said...

ARIGATO on the japan clip....kinda puts things in its proper perspective..