Cougars - Ya Gotta Love 'Em !

The cougar, also known as the puma or mountain lion, is native to the Americas. This large, solitary cat has the greatest range of any large wild terrestrial mammal in the Western Hemisphere, extending from Yukon in Canada to the southern Andes of South America.

An adaptable, generalist species, the cougar is found in every major American habitat type. It is the second heaviest cat in the Western Hemisphere, after the jaguar. Although large, the cougar is most closely related to smaller felines and is closer genetically to the domestic cat than to true lions. Like the smaller felines, the cougar is nocturnal.

Cougar is also a slang term referring to a woman who seeks relations with considerably younger men. Typically, the term refers to women over 30 years old.

Personally, I admire both types of cougar. Both dangerous and nocturnal, I admire the former from a distance and the latter, much more closely. Although the latter usually seeks younger prey, now and then one may have a bad night of hunting and even a blind squirrel like me finds an acorn now and then.....

A tour bus traveling through northern Nevada passed briefly at the Mustang Ranch, near Sparks. The guide noted, "We are now passing the largest house of prostitution in America." An old man in the back of the bus shouted, "Why?"

The News As I See It: According to the Labor Department, unemployment fell from 8.3 percent to 8.1 percent last month. That's because 368,000 Americans gave up looking for work. Obama has said that's a step in the right direction and he is encouraging more Americans to give up looking for work.

Anti-American crowds have been protesting and burning American flags over that anti-Islamic film. And the U.S. is now bracing for more protests next week when the film comes out on Blu-ray.

Protesters in countries like Egypt, Afghanistan and Tunisia are all burning American flags. Where are they getting all these flags? If you hate us so much, how do you have a large supply of flags on hand?

All over the world people are chanting, "Death to America." Except in China, where they're chanting, "Not until we get our money back."

A new poll shows that after the Democratic National Convention, Obama got a four-point bounce in the polls, which means that's he's now only five points behind Bill Clinton.

Obama joked this week that Bill Clinton, who has been campaigning for him, should be appointed to the role of Secretary of "Explaining Stuff". You know what's another good name for that position? President.

In a recent promotion, Mitt Romney is offering donors a chance to win a ride on his campaign plane. But if you know how Mitt Romney travels, this is one contest you don't want to win....unless you like riding while strapped on the roof of his plane.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has written a new book about his affair with his Hispanic housekeeper and the book is actually called "Total Recall." In response, his housekeeper has written a book about their affair called "Alien vs. Predator."

American Idol still has a vacant judge's seat. The producers are in a great hurry to fill the empty seat before Clint Eastwood shows up and starts yelling at it.

This Date In History: 1881; President James Garfield died of a gunshot wound inflicted by a disappointed office seeker the previous July 2. 1934; Bruno Hauptmann was arrested for the Lindbergh baby kidnap-murder.

1955; President Juan Peron of Argentina was deposed and exiled after a military coup. 1957; The United States conducted its first underground nuclear test in the Nevada desert. 1962; Governor Ross Barnett blocked James Meredith from enrolling in the University of Mississippi.

1985; The Mexico City area was struck by the first of two devastating earthquakes that claimed thousands of lives. The second earthquake hit 36 hours later.

1994; U.S. troops entered Haiti to enforce the return of exiled president Jean-Bertrand Aristide. 2001; The Pentagon ordered combat aircraft to the Persian Gulf following the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

Picture Of The Day: With all the turmoil going on in the Middle-East, just keep in mind that we have a few women drivers that can resolve any problems that might arise.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I don't my burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little each day. 2) When God closes a door, He usually makes sure my fingers are in it. 3) According to archaeologists, for millions of years Neanderthal man was not fully erect. That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal woman were. 4) Humpty Dumpty was pushed! 5) They finally released the ingredients in Viagra! 3% Vitamin E, 2% Aspirin, 2% Ibuprofen, 1% Vitamin C, 5% Spray Starch, 87% Fix-A-Flat.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 19th: The evidence for love is staring you in the face but you can't see the forest for the trees. I think the best thing to do is to stop wandering into forests and stand toe-to-toe with the one that attracts you.

Birthdays: My pal Emilio - Happy Birthday brother ! 19XX, George Cadbury, manufacturer, social reformer 1839, William Hesketh Lever, soap-maker, philanthropist 1851, Benjamin Reifel, Sioux activist and U.S. representative 1906, Sir William Golding English novelist 1911, Jim Abbott, baseball pitcher 1967.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An old man was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on his porch watching the sun go down over the hills, he spied his prize bull screwing one of his cows.

He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Mabel. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "Mabel, I'd sure like to be doing what that bull is doing." Mabel whispered back, "Well then, why don't you? It's your cow."

A grouchy old woman awakened after a serious operation only to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. She asked the doctor, "Why are all the damned blinds closed?"

The doctor responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

An elderly couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."

A bride who got a little too drunk at her wedding reception was still determined to say a few words of thanks to the guests for all their presents. She stumbled through a short speech and then slowly turned to point to the presents on display, which included a coffee percolator. She said, "...and finally, I want to thank my new parents-in-law for giving us such a beautiful perky copulator."

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team's performance soars. They win the county and state championship until one day. they are favored to win nationals easily.

Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says, "Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest." The coach says in a panic, "What? How far down does it go?" She replies, "Down to my balls. That's something else I want to talk to you about."

That's it for today, my little licorice sticks. Remember, don't worry about what people think. They don't do it very often. You can find me over in AREA 51 around happy hour. That's it for now. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !