Monday, September 3, 2012

Happy Labor Day !

Happy Labor Day and I sincerely hope that if you actually happen to be having a baby, it will pass quicker than a kidney stone. If it's a boy, you can always name him George Meany. Of course, if you're one of the 23 million people looking for work, you're probably not having a barbecue.

I did get  kick out of seeing an article in Spanish which read, "Feliz dia del Trabajo" which literally translates to "Happy Work Day." It loses a bit in the translation. In defense of Spanish, the U.S. is the only country which has a Labor Day holiday with exception of communist countries which have "Happy Forced Labor Day. 

Suzzane Barr, a longtime aide to Homeland Security boss Janet Napolitano resigned late Saturday, the result of a sexual harassment lawsuit brought against her by several male employees at the department.

Immigration and Customs Enforcement Chief of Staff Suzanne Barr’s decision to quit comes two weeks after she took a leave of absence, in an effort to quiet down a media storm that erupted when the charges were first filed.

The suit was brought forth by New York’s top Department of Homeland Security official, James T. Hayes, serving as director of ICE Detention and Removal Operations in Washington, DC, where he oversaw about 8,500 workers and a US$2.5 billion budget.

In his 21-page affidavit, Hayes alleges straight, male ICE agents were discriminated against by Napolitano in favor of her lesbian girlfriend, Dora Schriro. The agents were also sexually harassed by Barr, who was hand-picked by Napolitano for the job. Lawyers representing Hayes said they were "pleased" with Barr’s resignation.

On a sad note, actor Michael Clarke Duncan died today at the age of 54. He was hospitalized in July following a heart attack. Duncan was outstanding in the movie "The Green Mile." Rest in peace, Mr. Duncan.

The News As I See It: I hope everyone has a successful Labor Day, a holiday where Americans take three days off from looking for a job.

Today begins the Democratic convention. Tonight's featured event is the swimsuit competition.

A former Navy SEAL has a book out that claims Osama bin Laden was unarmed when he was shot. The book is called, "Who Cares! He's Dead!"

This Date In History: 1189, Richard I (the Lion-Hearted) was crowned king of England at Westminster Abbey. 1658; Oliver Cromwell, the lord protector of England, died. 1783; The Treaty of Paris officially ended the Revolutionary War between the United States and Great Britain.

1939; Great Britain and France declared war on Germany during World War II. 1967; Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam. 1974; Frank Robinson was named the first Black manager in major league baseball.

1976; The unmanned U.S. spacecraft Viking II landed on Mars and took the first pictures of the planet's surface. 1978; Pope John Paul I was installed as the 264th pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church.

Picture Of The Day: Absolutely one of the cutest pictures I've seen in a while. These are baby otter pups. Remember that any picture on my journal can be seen larger by simply clicking them.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Wal-Mart announced plans to open its first retail stores in India and China. Tags on clothes and stickers on items will read, "Made Here." 2) Contrary to popular belief, Taco Bell is not a Mexican Phone Company. 3) Getting older is like a walk in the park where no one picks up after the dogs. 4) How can I be sure I've succeeded if I can't remember what I was trying to do? 5) My gas tank just went from zero to $50 in under a minute....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 3rd: Your brother is heavy, no matter what the song says. The oil in your lamp of life should keep burning 'til the break of day. Then again, it could spill over and set fire to your shoes. Romance is definitely in the air this today, although you may find it clouded by other emotions like your constant worrying about your brother's weight. He's fat, get over it.....

Birthdays: Mark Hopkins, merchant, railroad developer 1814, Sarah Orne Jewett, novelist, writer 1849, Louis Sullivan, American architect 1856, Edward Albert Filene, merchant 1860, Charles Hamilton Houston, lawyer 1895, Loren Eiseley, anthropologist 1907, Alan Ladd, actor 1913.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A lady goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her hubbie. She doesn't know which one to get, so walks over to the register. A Wal-mart associate is standing there with sunglasses on. She says, "Excuse me sir, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter I can tell you about it." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "That's a 6 foot graphite rod with a Zebco 220 reel and a 10-lb test line. It's a good all-around rod and reel, and it's $20." She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register. As she bends down to get her purse, she farts. At first, she's embarrassed but then realizes that there's no way he would know it was her because being blind, he wouldn't know she was the only person there.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20, the duck call is $3 and the catfish stink bait is $2.50. Thank you for shopping Wal-Mart."

An old guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day!

The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees: Golf: $1.00, Dinner: $1.00, Room: $1.00, Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00.

He asks the manager, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?" The manager says, "I'm sorry, sir, but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost."

The old guy says, "If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!" The manager says, "That's right, sir, you could have. Over there, they get you by the room. Over here, we get you by the balls!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. His wife asks, "What do you think you're doing?" The husband says, "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans." His wife demands, "Put them back, we can't afford them." So they continue shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. The husband says, "What do you think you're doing?" His wife answers, "It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're making love." Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of half the price."

An angry husband, sitting next to to a sympathetic pal in the bar, said, "My wife's a damned liar!" His friend asked, "How do you know?" The husband said, "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley." His friend replied, So?" The husband replied, "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"

An elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said, "Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!"

That's it for today, my little sugar cookies. Remember, you will probably scream the same way whether you're about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches your foot. That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

Lots of good Wal*Mart jokes. I managed not to go there today.

jack69 said...

Enjoyed the read. Yep, dem little otter pups are cute. I kept looking to see if they were photoshopped in some way!
Loved the news and printable things. I purposely did not laugh at the jokes, most were about my OLD friends!@!!! LOL
Take care,
WE are still in Bangor.....

Julie said...

Loved the jokes and the otters, so cute.

Heli gunner Tom said...

Hi Jimmy,
I enjoyed Mr. Duncon's pictures big time, also, and what a young age to die with such talent! RIP... Are things drying out where you live? I am happy where I now live with her paid off house in the U.P. - Iron Mountain, MI -- the 'Great North Woods'
.. lol. --Tom Schuckman.