Friday, September 14, 2012

Enough !

It's time to tell the White House and Congress that America can no longer support (read "send money") to countries that cannot protect American interests and citizens. The current turmoil in the Middle East shows me that countries involved there cannot and will not control their citizens, yet always have their hands out for American aid.

To believe the current Mideast turmoil is due to a poorly made video and not tied in any way to September 11th is naive and outright ignorant. Obama and Congress need to stand up to these countries and if ignored, stop all foreign aid payments immediately.

These countries have been wallowing in their own ignorance for thousands of years and I don't see any change coming as long as there is no fear of reprisal. It's time to pull the breast from the baby's mouth and let it cry alone.

The News As I See It: In Las Vegas, Obama said he'll win the election if the turnout is anything like it was in 2008. Voters said he'd win if he were anything like he was in 2008.

People are complaining that the new iPhone 5 is taller than the last model, which means they have to buy a new case. In response, Apple issued an official statement saying, "Exactly."

Only 96,000 jobs were added last month and half of those were strippers working the Republican and Democratic conventions.

A U.S. drone strike in Yemen has killed al-Qaida's number two leader, the sixth second in command the U.S. has killed. This is one area where Obama can say he definitely is creating jobs.

In Russia, a 122-year-old man has passed away. He credited his long life to abstaining from alcohol, tobacco, and women. His last words were, "I made a huge mistake."

Some people call "The X Factor" a rip-off of "American Idol." These people are called "correct."

This Date In History: 1814; Francis Scott Key composed the lyrics to The Star Spangled Banner. 1901; President McKinley died of gunshot wounds inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt succeeded him. 1927; Modern dance pioneer Isadora Duncan died in Nice, France.

1940; Congress passed the Selective Service Act, providing for the first peacetime draft in U.S. history. 1959; The Soviet space probe Luna 2 became the first man-made object to reach the Moon when it crashed onto the lunar surface.

1982; Princess Grace of Monaco died from injuries sustained in a car crash the previous day. 1994; Acting commissioner Bud Selig announced the cancellation of the 1994 baseball season on the 34th day of a strike by players.

Picture Of The Day: If I were ever to be reborn as pigeon, it would be nice to land a park full of lady pigeons in an outfit like this.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Joe Theisman needs a Super Beta Prostate lobotomy and it should be performed by Coach Jimmy Johnson using his tiny Extenze tool. 2) Some people are like Slinkies; not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. 3) The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. 4) You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 5) I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather....not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car......and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 14th: Love is like a long joke where the punchline doesn't make any sense. Even after your friends try to explain it to you, it still won't make any sense. But it'll happen and it'll make you feel pretty good about yourself. Monkeys can make awesome pets but they are prone to flinging their poo when angered. I just gave mine a glass of scotch on the rocks. 

Birthdays: Lots of family and friends celebrating birthdays today beginning with my grandson Kc, my sweet Julia, high school and stock car racing pal Dana, the lovely Karebear and from the Barnwell clan, my pal Scott - Happy Birthday everyone! 19XX,  Ivan Petrovich Pavlov, physiologist 1849, Alice Stone Blackwell, feminist 1857, Charles Dana Gibson, illustrator 1867, Margaret Sanger, feminist 1879, Constance Baker Motley, lawyer and jurist 1921.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night on the lookout for trouble. He sees two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in a used car lot. The car lot is closed so O'Leary drives up alongside the Chevy and asks, "Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?"

One of the ladies responds, "Certainly not! We purchased the car this afternoon." The cop says, "Why don't you start it up and drive out of here?" The other little old lady relied, "We don't drive and besides we are waiting." Officer O'Leary asks, "What are you waiting for?" The old lady sitting in the drivers seat replies," We were told that if we ever bought a car from here we would get screwed."

During a recent Romney campaign stop, a heckler from the audience hollered, "Hey Mitt Witt, where are you hiding your tax returns?" Governor Romney politely responded, "I've found a very secure place that I'm certain they won't be found." The insistent heckler then shouted, "And just where is that, dummy?"

Governor Romney smiled and said, "They are underneath Obama's college records, his immigration status as a student, and his funding sources to pay for college. What's your next question?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Vivian for her contribution to today's stories.

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?" The boy said, "Yes she did." The stewardess said, "Well then, go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time."

One day while doing door-to-door market research, a guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful young housewife. "He says, "Hello, I’m doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used the product?" The woman answers, "Yes. My husband and I use it during sex."

The researcher is taken aback. "He stammers, Um, I admire you for your honesty, Can you tell me exactly how you use it?" The woman replies, "Sure, we put it on the doorknob so the kids can’t get in."

An old lady was standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist. A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat." She said, "Mister, everything down there is seventy-five years old. This hat is brand new!"

That's it for today, my little puddin' heads. Remember, knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour and karaoke. That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

Yipee got my sound back, how could I be so dense? Your music is John's favorite dancing song, "All My Exes Live In Texas" and that's the truth. lol Oh and another device to find furniture in the dark is the little toe.

Barb said...

Jimmy I always enjoy visiting your blog, but gotta tell you, sometimes It's just to check out your great music. Hope all of America reads this post, especially those at the top who could make a difference if only they WOULD.

jack69 said...

Hey, great read. Got too much confusion herein the motor home to concentrate, but Loved the Mitt Witt response.
I am waiting for Mitt to say that on Nat'l TV! At least I can hope!
Take care.
Still in Bangor.

Heli gunner Tom said...

Hi Jimmy, Your Blog is not one that the average guy or gal can breeze though-- it's got to be chewed and savoured, IMHO, like a fine Kansas City beef steak. You are a good writer! --Tommy S--

Julie said...

Mitt's reply was great. I watched Glenn Becks show on him and am now more then ever proud to vote for him. No one talks about how he has given away 10 million in charities and directed to families in need because he does it all quietly, without press. Impressive.

I see why Rome burns, Nero, excuse me, Obama was fiddling, oops campaigning. We are being attacked and he does nothing. Mr President, at least arm our soldier.

Chatty Crone said...

Hey you said a lot of great things - I wish the world could hear. Amen.