Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Breaking News

We interrupt this journal to bring you "Breaking News".

I follow the news virtually all day long. For the most part, they do a fair job. I realize and understand that there's only so much news to report. Since their news programs runs in increments of 30 minutes, there's bound to be repetition. Thus, "Breaking News" only breaks once for me and then it's "Repeated Breaking News".

Some stories, however, continue to break for two and three days in a row and at some point in time it should be reported as "Breaking News For The Hard Of Understanding" or "We've Got Nothing Else So We're Just Gonna Beat This Story To Death".

Then, in almost every city, we have the hometown sensationalist channel, whose motto seems to be "Everything We Report Whether Shitty Or Not Is Breaking News".

There's always a reporter on the scene, usually standing in knee deep water when if he were to walk a mere 15 feet to his left or right, he'd be on dry ground.

Then there's the cub reporter who's sent to the scene of an accident or crime seven hours after the fact, so that he can report from the scene at 5:00 in the morning with nothing but darkness as his backdrop.

Maybe today, now that the abortion election is over, we'll get lucky and be able to watch our favorite television programs without any "breaking news." We now return you to your regularly scheduled journal.

The News As I See It: The presidential race is finally over. On the bright side, we're finally rid of at least one candidate. That's good news.

Sunday ended of Daylight Saving Time. So to all my younger readers, remember to set your clocks back and to my older readers, remember to put a fresh piece of tape over the clock on your VCR.

A quick shout out to my pal Wally's little pup "Ginger." She's pictured here sleeping peacefully with her little pal. Wally was a bit miffed, at first, because that's his sleeping pal.

This Date In History: 1874; The Republican Party was first symbolized as an elephant in a cartoon drawn by Thomas Nast in Harper's Weekly magazine. 1916; Jeannette Rankin of Montana became the first woman elected to Congress.

1917; Vladimir Lenin's forces overthrew Alexander Kerensky's government in Russia's Bolshevik Revolution. 1944; President Franklin D. Roosevelt won a fourth term in office, defeating Thomas E. Dewey.

1962; Former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt died in New York City at age 78. 1967; Carl Stokes of Cleveland became the first African American mayor of a major U.S. city. 1989; L. Douglas Wilder was elected governor of Virginia. He became the nation's first elected black governor.

2000; The U.S. went to the polls to choose between George W. Bush and Al Gore. The outcome wouldn't be known for more than a month because of disputed votes in Florida.

Picture Of The Day: The Koala bear is not a bear at all, it's a marsupial.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I was on a chair lift with a guy I didn't know. He said it was the first time he'd been skiing in ten years. I said, "why?" He said, "Because I've been in jail." I said, "Why?" He said, "I pushed a total stranger off a ferris wheel." I said, "I remember you." 2) Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"? 3) Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons. 4) The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some damn good ideas! 5) Ask any man what a woman's ultimate fantasy is and they will tell you it's to have two men at once. According to a recent social logical study this is true, however most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - November 7th: You have recently received some equipment for which there was a manual. Please give this manual a quick read so as to avoid your usual problems later. You have many more years ahead of you. Disregard talk of jail sentences between 5 and 10 years. Dogs will find themselves attracted to your leg this week.

Birthdays: Andrew Dickson White, educator and diplomat 1832, Madame Marie Curie, physicist and chemist 1867, Lise Meitner, physicist and mathematician 1878, Leon Trotsky, Communist revolutionary 1879, Konrad Lorenz, zoologist and ethologist 1903, Billy Graham, evangelist 1918, Joan Sutherland, soprano 1926, Joni Mitchell, songwriter, singer 1943.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell.

A farmer appeared. The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him." The farmer replied, "Suit yourself, the hens are round the back."

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar and they turn out to be Siamese twins. They wind up back at his apartment. He makes love to one and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he her asks what she'd like to do.

She says, "Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love to play your trombone." So she plays it while he does her sister.

A few weeks later, the girls are walking past the guy's apartment building. One of the girls says, "Let's stop up and see that guy." The other girl says, "Gee, do you think he'll remember us?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes, the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final yahoo and rode off. The service station attendant asked, "What did you do to get that Indian so riled up?" The woman said,  "Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." The attendant said, "Lady, Indians ride bareback."

TA little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his younger cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" The boy responded, "Sixteen." His cousin was amazed that he answered so quickly.

He asked his cousin, "How do you know that?" The cousin said, "Easy. All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said, "Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer."

A man comes home from a night of drinking. As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at him, "What's the big idea coming home half drunk?" The man replies, "I ran out of money."

That's it for today, my little whirly gigs. Remember, the sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. I'm iffy about happy hour in AREA 51 tonight. We'll see. That's it for now. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

I keep hearing that our government spends money like a drunken sailor, that is not true, you just proved it. Drunks quit spending when they run out of money!!

"What's the big idea coming home half drunk?" The man replies, "I ran out of money."

The gov't would have borrowed.... and made it all the way ot full drunk!
Hope your week is good. Good read, loved the pictures.

Paula said...

Never knew you to be iffy before. lol

jack69 said...