Friday, November 30, 2012

Let's Get Fiscal, Fiscal.....Doh !

My newest source of amusement is listening to supposedly "learned" members of Congress and some media types referring to the looming budget crisis as the "physical cliff." These are the people who make the laws that govern our country who seemingly have an average IQ of about 80.

One would think that the few "in-the-know" would take the fumbler aside and give him or her a brief lesson in grammar. This idea, of course, assumes that anyone in Congress has that ability. Even the hard of understanding know the term is fiscal, not physical. Olivia Newton-John knows that.....  

Hang on to the new State of Alabama quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Alabama quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.

Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday, "We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were recently issued. This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices."

The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide.

Shackleford said, "The problem lies in the unique design of the Alabama quarter, which was created by an Auburn University graduate. Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."

It's amazing what a bear does when he discovers an old couch at the city dump.

The News As I See It: In Tampa, where we have our Central Command, there is a glorified gypsy grifter named Jill Kelly, who's part Kardashian, part Snooki and part Bill Maher's mother, who was hanging around the military bases.

The media calls her a Tampa socialite. What is that really? Someone who goes to Applebee's and orders the fillet?

So she starts getting these anonymous threatening emails from someone – of course it turned out to be Paula Broadwell – telling her to stay away from general Petraeus. Because if there's one thing a mistress hates, it's a guy who cheats."

NASA says the Mars rover has made a major discovery. Scientists hope it found signs of life there while Americans are just hoping it found some Twinkies.

This Date In History: 1804; Supreme Court Justice Samuel Chase was tried for political bias. 1900; Irish author Oscar Wilde died in Paris at age 46. 1940; Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz were married. 1966 Barbados became independent of Great Britain.

1974; The fossilized remains of a female human ancestor named Lucy (after the Beatles song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds) were found in Ethiopia. 1993; The Brady Bill, requiring a five-day waiting period for handgun purchases, is signed.

1995; President Bill Clinton became the first U.S. president to visit Northern Ireland. 2004; Ken Jennings ended his 74-game winning spree on the game show, Jeopardy!

Picture Of The Day: "Okay, here's the deal. You give me your pacifier and I'll be your pillow."

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The more police mugshots I see, the more I think police stations should have a Hair and Make-Up department. 2) Depresso: When you've run out of coffee. 3) Some people have 18-20 bumper stickers. They're afraid to pull them off because they don't know which one holds the car together. 4) If stupid was a disease, people would be dropping dead all over the place.5) Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - November 30th: Take a coat today as you'll need it if it rains, becomes slightly colder than usual or if you happen to be caught out while parading naked around your local shopping center. Cats can eat mice but can't dogs also? This kind of nonsensical querying that comes from an older person than you, will start to grate today. The number 718 will have a profound and financially favorable effect on you. 

Birthdays: Andrea Palladio architect 1508, Jonathan Swift author 1667, Mark Twain writer, social observer 1835, Winston Churchill, British Statesman, soldier and Author 1874, L. M. Montgomery novelist 1874, Gordon Parks photographer, filmmaker, writer 1912, Shirley Chisholm congresswoman 1924, Dick Clark TV personality 1929, Ridley Scott filmmaker 1937, David Mamet playwright 1947, Ben Stiller actor, director, comic 1965, Elisha Cuthbert actor 1982.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.

Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." The attendant said with a grin, "Well, sir, you're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."

Bubba was coming out of church one day and the preacher was standing at the door, as always, to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Bubba by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

Bubba replied, "I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?" Bubba whispered back, "I’m in the secret service."

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?" The second man replied, "No, it's Thursday." The third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's get a coke."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.

After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "Sorry" again and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action.

The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

Little Johnny and Jacky are talking to each other. Jacky says, "What does your dad do for a living?" Little Johnny says, "He is a lawyer." Jacky says, "Honest?" Little Johnny relies, "No, just a regular lawyer."

The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers. Little Johnny replies, "Yes, my daddy taught me." The teacher asks, "Can you tell me what comes after three?" Little Johnny answers, "Four." The teacher asks, "And what comes after six?" little "Johnny says, "Seven."

The teacher says, "Very good Johnny.Your father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?" Little Johnny replies, "A jack."

That's it for today, my little ducklings. Remember, a relationship is the period of time between "I love you" and "Everything you do pisses me off." I'm heading over to AREA 51 for a little recreation.

That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

Okay I admit it, I was ready to look through my quarters.

Chatty Crone said...

I love the dog with the pacifier and baby laying on him. sandie