Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Do I Have A Deal For You !
The Obamacare enrolment fiasco continues. Barry says he's bringing in "the best and the brightest" to solve the problem. Uh, why didn't he bring in the best and the brightest in the first place? This is typical Washington. They only bring in the best and the brightest as a last resort.
Obama is urging Americans who are having trouble with the Obamacare website to sign up for healthcare by calling a 1-800 number. The number is 1-800-we-didn't-think-this-through. The call goes like this: "Hello and welcome to Healthcare.gov, the place where you can learn about signing up for affordable healthcare. Right now there are 8 million people ahead of you in line. Your estimated wait time is forever."
Obie also said that if it’s taking too long you can bypass the website and enroll by mail. Only the federal government could come up with a website that’s slower than sending something by mail.
The News As I See It: A 25-year-old man in New York was arrested for trying to join al-Qaida. Here’s the amazing part: He said it was easier to join al-Qaida using their website than it was to sign up for Obamacare.
Today there were more problems with the Obamacare website. It seems when you type in your age, it's confusing because it's not clear if they want the age you are right now, or the age you’ll be when you finally log in.
The country’s unemployment rate went down to 7.2 percent last month, after 148,000 jobs were added. Of course all those people were hired to fix the Obamacare website.
This Date In History: 1915; 25,000 women marched in New York City, demanding the right to vote. 1946; The United Nations General Assembly convened in New York for the first time.
1973; President Richard Nixon agreed to turn White House tape recordings requested by the Watergate special prosecutor over to Judge John J. Sirica. 1983; A suicide truck-bombing at Beirut International airport in Lebanon killed 241 U.S. Marines and sailors.
2002; Chechen rebels seized a crowded Moscow theater, taking hundreds hostage. Russian forces stormed the building the next day. 2003; Madame Chiang Kai-shek died at age 105.
Picture Of The Day: No words necessary.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) For the person who lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band, I've got good news. I found your rubber band. 2) From the length of this line, you'd think the people in front of me at this self-checkout were trying to operate a nuclear reactor. 3) I went to Match dot com. It wasn't to meet women. I went to search for a mate for one of my socks. 4) Kids....because who doesn't enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?" 5) The Great Wall of China is one of the 7 wonders of the world just because it's a Chinese product that's lasted more than a month.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Libra - October 23rd: Half of what I say is meaningless, the other half is pure gold, purer than any snow that ever fell. Purer than the white cover on that classic Beatles' album. The trick here is to ascertain which half. Hell, flip a coin. That's what I usually do.....
Birthdays: Adlai Ewing Stevenson, Vice President 1835, John Heisman, football coach 1869, William D. Coolidge, inventor 1873, Gertrude Ederle, swimmer 1905, Johnny Carson, entertainer 1925, Pelé, Brazilian soccer player 1940, Michael Crichton, novelist 1942, Ang Lee, director, writer 1954, Dwight Yoakam, singer and actor 1956, Sam Raimi, filmmaker 1959, Ryan Reynolds, actor 1976.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walked a young chick with a low-cut blouse that revealed a beautiful rose tattooed on one boob.
One woman leaned over to the other and said, "Poor thing. She doesn't know it, but in 50 years she'll have a long-stemmed rose in a hanging basket."
A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity.
The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first.
The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "Where Is God?"
At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?" The younger brother replied, "We are in big trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two salesmen were writing up their orders when the conversation came around to last night's big date. Charlie asks, "So, how did it go, Harry?"
Harry said, "The moment we got back to her place the phone started ringing. There must have been fifteen calls from guys wanting to ask her out. It never stopped, and we never got started."
Charlie tried to comfort him. "It could have been worse, Harry. After all, an attractive young woman's allowed to have her number in the phone book, now isn't she?" Harry said, "Yeah, but not in the Yellow Pages."
On his way home from work, Murray stopped at a pharmacy to purchase a thermometer, When advised by the pharmacist that they were out of oral thermometers, Murray hesitantly purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Since Murray and never used one, he asked the pharmacist about the procedure.
The pharmacist said, "When you get home, lock your doors, close the blinds and take the phone off the hook so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the literature, follow the instructions and you'll be fine."
With great reservation, Murray did as instructed, then carefully inserted the thermometer wincing as it slowly went in. After a the waiting period, Murray slowly removed the thermometer and read the temperature, which turned out to be normal.
As he sat in his chair, trying to calm down and relax, he noticed that on the literature, in small print, there was a statement that read: "Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested." Murray leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes and said aloud, "I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control at Johnson and Johnson."
That's it for today, my little tadpoles. Remember, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don't finish something, it's really not the end of the world. I'm going to mosey on over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !