Friday, October 25, 2013

Son Of A Glitch - No One Seems To Knows Anything

Why can't government officials be fired? Why are these idiots allowed to screw up royally, then deny or spin everything and keep their jobs? How can they refuse to resign? Half of the assholes running America are as useless as teats on a bull!

The "chosen one" is never aware of anything unless he "hears it on the news." Hey Barry, you're the one that is supposed to be running the country. If you don't know anything, then who the hell does? Maybe we'd be better off asking your pal, Valerie Jarret. After all, you have the same parental backgrounds and beliefs.

Hillary Clinton didn't know anything about Benghazi. Attorney General Eric Holder, who was found "in contempt of Congress" knew nothing about "Fast and Furious". IRS official Lois Lerner, refused to resign when asked and later "retired" prior to the shit hitting the proverbial fan. And of course Health and Human Services head Kathleen Sebelius, was oblivious to anything having to do with the Obamacare implementation fiasco and says she won't resign.

Add to that list, Jay Carney, the little White House press secretary and resident weasel, who never answers any valid question without a spin or misdirection and you have a government who isn't fit to run a banana republic, much less America.

The News As I See It: The Obamacare website has all these glitches and now tech experts are saying that the only way to fix it is to completely start over and redesign the whole website from scratch. What Obama should do is put the NSA in charge of the website. That way there’s nothing to fill out. They already have all our information. You just put your name in.

Consumer Reports is recommending that people sit back and wait a few weeks until the government fixes the problems. Really, a few weeks? We still have troops in Korea. The guys from the Geek Squad said, "Turn it off, wait five seconds and then plug it back in."

Marketing experts are comparing the Obamacare website rollout to a Ford Edsel filled with New Coke. But they're making progress. They said today that if you find yourself getting too frustrated trying to log on, they’ve added a link to a suicide hot line.

People have been speculating lately about what Obama will do when he leaves office in 2016. The one thing I think we can safely rule designer.

There's been speculation but now it's clear that Joe Biden will run for president in 2016. In an effort to appear presidential, today Biden launched a website that doesn't work.

The city of Detroit went before a judge to prove it is eligible for bankruptcy. All they did was walk into a Detroit courtroom and point out the window.

The number of Americans who will live to be 100 years or older will increase dramatically. In 2010 there were 53,000 centenarians in the United States and I'm pretty sure I have driven behind most of them.

Saudi Arabia is now threatening to sever diplomatic ties with the United States over Syria. I hope that doesn't cause them to do something drastic, you know, like overcharge us for oil.

This Date In History: 1400; Geoffrey Chaucer died in London. 1415; The Battle of Agincourt between England and France during the Hundred Years War took place.

1760; King George III of Britain was crowned. 1854; The Charge of the Light Brigade took place at Balaklava during the Crimean War. 1962; John Steinbeck was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature.

1971; The U.N. General Assembly voted to admit mainland China and expel Taiwan. 1983; The United States invaded the Caribbean nation of Grenada.

Picture Of The Day: 'Nuff said.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and ten million dollars. 2) My friend's kid is almost old enough for social media so he'll need to have "the talk" soon. You know, about your/you're and their/there/they're and conjugating "To Be."  3) When I used to ski in Lake Tahoe, there was always an "apres ski" party somewhere. That's where I learned that when you're drinking, fall face down in the snow and spend a lot of time trying to get up, you make what is referred to as a "reverse snow angel." 4) When I see a flash mob in public, I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough. 5) I once dated a girl who I felt had ulterior motives. I'm not saying she a gold digger, but she had a helmet with a flashlight on it and a pick axe.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeLibra - October 25th: The odds are that you'll see something today that you physically and desperately desire. However, it is similarly likely that you will fall flat on your ass trying to achieve it. The best you can hope for will appear to you today in a day dream. This vision may appear to look like you, but it's not. Beware of the dreaded naked bus driver.

Birthdays: My friends Deborah and John - Happy Birthday 19XX, Johann Strauss, composer 1825, Georges Bizet, operatic composer 1838, Sarah Bernhard, actress 1844, Henry Norris Russell, astronomer 1877, Pablo Picasso, Spanish painter, sculptor, graphic artist, and ceramist, 1881, Richard E. Byrd, aviator and polar explorer 1888, John Berryman, poet and critic 1914, Bob Knight, basketball coach 1940, Anne Tyler, novelist 1941, Midori violinist, 1971, Ciara, singer 1985.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: At a cocktail party, the host asked the attractive blonde if she would like another drink. The blonde bowed her head slightly and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."

The host asked, "Why is that?" The blonde replied, "Because after one drink I can feel it. After two drinks, anyone can!"

A priest was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

The priest asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection and a little boy raised his hand. The priest called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Little Johnny comes down for breakfast and since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has done his chores. Little Johnny replies, "Not yet." His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.

Pissed off, Johnny goes to feed the chickens and he kicks a chicken. He goes off to feed the cows and he kicks a cow. Then he goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

Johnny asks, "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk on my cereal?" His mother says "I saw you kick the chicken so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he is walking into the kitchen. Little johnny looks up at his mother and with a smile says, "Are you going to tell him or should I?"

While taxiing at Atlanta Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Miami made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming, "U.S. Air 771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, U.S. Air 771?" The humbled crew responded, "Yes, ma'am."

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of U.S. Air 771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"

That's it for today, my little fur balls. Remember, there are literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don't even know it. Today's Friday and I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Great intro. TO THE POINT!
Great idea about NSA, you get points on that one. You must read politicians minds, the cartoon is right on.

Thanks for the entertainment and education. Thank goodness it has been YEARS since I made a reverse snow angel.

Good entry.

Paula said...

I know those little lizards are in my house. When they come out I talk to them.